How to get your mind off the MP

I was laid off at the beginning of April. It was a start-up, so didn't get severance or anything. Have been looking actively for almost a month now (first week of April I went through a training for a PMP certification, which would increase my market value).

Anyway, I'm still looking. It's killing me; I really didn't think it would take so long. I get responses to the resumes sent, get phone calls, interviews, but no offers yet. I really hope something will come up soon, I am such a nerve wrack these days.

DH and I make almost equal $$, so with my salary gone we are really behind. We probably live in a too expensive house if we can't afford it from one salary. It's a small town-home though, 2 bedrooms, about 1100sf. I guess the location makes it so expensive.

I am cleared to TTC in July, but back in February/March DH and I actually decided to stop any bc in April and see what happens. But now, with me out of workforce this is out of the question. I really do not want to announce I am pregnant a month after getting a new job.

One thing for sure, this took my mind off of worrying about molar coming back all together. I guess there is only so much worry-cells in our body, and mine are all used by the fear of not getting a job. Although I did have a dream last night that my result came back at 8, and they were asking me if there is any possibility I was pregnant. And then I woke up, thanks God! :)

Celebrating EDD

Today our baby would have been born. I would be holding our tiny little miracle in my arms. Kissing his cute little nose.

I am ok. Better than I thought I would be. Maybe because of all the things that have been happening recently, I didn't even have a chance to think about it too much.

At the beginning of March I learned that our company is not going to make it in the form we were in (it's a start up with 24 employees) and I am being laid off as of April 1. Since I had to finish up so much stuff before I left, and was training for the Cherry Blossom 10-miler, I haven't gotten a chance to really start searching for a new job. Sent resume to a few friends and got two interviews from that. I already got a negative answer from the first one, waiting to hear about the second.

DH is on a business trip in Vegas this week. He is actually on a plane at the moment, on his way there. And I am celebrating what would be the birth of our little angel, with an espresso martini and a piece of leftover Easter cake from last week.

I cried a little in the church today, when a very pregnant lady sat right next to me. And then I decided that I want it to be a happy day. I love my baby, and I will never forget him (I still think it was a boy even though there is no way of telling). But I want to have happy memories, not sad ones. I want to remember how happy we were when we found out about the pregnancy, and how happy I felt every day after (until the worst day of my life came).

So I am drinking my espresso martini and thinking that life would have been really hard with me loosing a job in the 9th month of pregnancy. I used to make almost as much as DH and loosing one income is going to be very hard on us. If this would last for more than a few months we may have to sell our house (with a huge loss!) and start renting.

My mom always says that everything happens for a reason. I hate that saying!