Celebrating EDD

Today our baby would have been born. I would be holding our tiny little miracle in my arms. Kissing his cute little nose.

I am ok. Better than I thought I would be. Maybe because of all the things that have been happening recently, I didn't even have a chance to think about it too much.

At the beginning of March I learned that our company is not going to make it in the form we were in (it's a start up with 24 employees) and I am being laid off as of April 1. Since I had to finish up so much stuff before I left, and was training for the Cherry Blossom 10-miler, I haven't gotten a chance to really start searching for a new job. Sent resume to a few friends and got two interviews from that. I already got a negative answer from the first one, waiting to hear about the second.

DH is on a business trip in Vegas this week. He is actually on a plane at the moment, on his way there. And I am celebrating what would be the birth of our little angel, with an espresso martini and a piece of leftover Easter cake from last week.

I cried a little in the church today, when a very pregnant lady sat right next to me. And then I decided that I want it to be a happy day. I love my baby, and I will never forget him (I still think it was a boy even though there is no way of telling). But I want to have happy memories, not sad ones. I want to remember how happy we were when we found out about the pregnancy, and how happy I felt every day after (until the worst day of my life came).

So I am drinking my espresso martini and thinking that life would have been really hard with me loosing a job in the 9th month of pregnancy. I used to make almost as much as DH and loosing one income is going to be very hard on us. If this would last for more than a few months we may have to sell our house (with a huge loss!) and start renting.

My mom always says that everything happens for a reason. I hate that saying!