We headed out to the ultrasound with mixed feelings. We knew what the possibilities were, yet we hoped that the child who was miraculously conceived wouldn't be taken away from us so soon. Well, it turns out there wasn't even a child. Not even a fetal pole. By 6w5d we should have seen an embryo and even heard a heartbeat. As always, they try to say that it's early, earlier than you think. Well, unless the sperms can live inside me for two weeks, I am no longer pregnant. Period.
I am disappointed and angry with God, again. We weren't even trying! Why give me a false hope?? Why make me turn from not being ready to making myself ready and even excited and then take it away so quickly? God has a cruel sense of humor.
I am still waiting to hear from the midwifes. The U/S tech won't diagnose anything, just suggested to come back in a week. I know there is nothing to be waiting for, just hope I won't have to have another D&C.
I feel nauseous now. I think it's the stress. I wish I didn't have to be here (at work) today. I know I could leave, really, but there are people who are relying on me. I will do my job, go to the dentist, and then go home and have a wonderful evening with my baby boy.
I can't stop crying. :(
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