No more hoping; the Witch showed up this morning.
The first month TTC was hard, I'm glad it is over. When we started TTC before MP, the first month was the hardest. Then I somehow got used to the disappointment and didn't let myself get my hopes up. I actually never POAS after the first month. Not until I was actually pregnant with MP.
Next month will be a year since we got pregnant with the MP. I really wanted to be pregnant for this already. But I have mixed feelings about getting pregnant this month. If the new baby's EDD will be around the same time, I feel like our new memories will replace the memories of our first baby. And I don't want that.
But I want a baby! I'll be already 34 in a few weeks and it took us 6 months last time. I really hope I can have a baby before I turn 35. Am I going to feel bad that we 'wasted' a whole month? I know I will. I wish it was August already...
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
First 2ww and already going bananas
This is the first month TTC, and for the first time since I got off the BC 4 months ago, I can't tell when I O-ed! How frustrating!
For the last four months the CM observations gave me the same signs of O as the position of the cervix and its firmness. The more CM, the softer and higher the cervix. Once the CM dried up, the cervix followed (went down and became firm again). All nice and clear for 4 months.
And than we decided to TTC. Since I never really observed the hard core eggwhite-like stuff, I decided to try Mucinex (see my previous journal entry). And that's where the troubles started.
I used an OPK on Sunday the 13th and it was positive. This would suggest that I will O on Monday or Tuesday (24-48 h later). And that's when the CM seemed the most fertile. But it wasn't any more eggwhite-like as usually, and it was definitely not as much of it as usually. And then it totally disappeared. So I thought I Oed during those days. BUT my cervix stayed low and soft for the next 2 days or so, which would indicate that I O-ed on the 17th! But by this time I had no CM at all.
So the question is, when did I O? On the 14/15, as the OPK and CM say? Or on the 17th, when my cervix seems to indicate? Am I 7-8 DPO or am I 5 DPO? Or did I O at all??
I have so much to do at work, but I can't get my mind off this subject! I want to POAS, but if I'm only 4 DPO, I know it won't show anything even if I turned out to be pregnant later on. Thank goodness I don't have any HPTs; I won't purchase one until I know it has a chance of showing something. But I can't wait another 10 days or even a week! I need a shot of sanity please!
For the last four months the CM observations gave me the same signs of O as the position of the cervix and its firmness. The more CM, the softer and higher the cervix. Once the CM dried up, the cervix followed (went down and became firm again). All nice and clear for 4 months.
And than we decided to TTC. Since I never really observed the hard core eggwhite-like stuff, I decided to try Mucinex (see my previous journal entry). And that's where the troubles started.
I used an OPK on Sunday the 13th and it was positive. This would suggest that I will O on Monday or Tuesday (24-48 h later). And that's when the CM seemed the most fertile. But it wasn't any more eggwhite-like as usually, and it was definitely not as much of it as usually. And then it totally disappeared. So I thought I Oed during those days. BUT my cervix stayed low and soft for the next 2 days or so, which would indicate that I O-ed on the 17th! But by this time I had no CM at all.
So the question is, when did I O? On the 14/15, as the OPK and CM say? Or on the 17th, when my cervix seems to indicate? Am I 7-8 DPO or am I 5 DPO? Or did I O at all??
I have so much to do at work, but I can't get my mind off this subject! I want to POAS, but if I'm only 4 DPO, I know it won't show anything even if I turned out to be pregnant later on. Thank goodness I don't have any HPTs; I won't purchase one until I know it has a chance of showing something. But I can't wait another 10 days or even a week! I need a shot of sanity please!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
TTC: Mucinex my a**!
This cycle was a failure. I never had a lot of CF, and now, after the MP, I have even less. This is our first month trying, so I decided to take Mucinex this time. I bought the "right" kind where Guaifenesin is the only active ingredient. I expected to O sometimes between Monday and Wednesday so I started taking it on Friday, about 4 days before my expected O day, as recommended. I immediately saw that my CM became more stretchy. I was very excited, because this type of CM I experienced only right around the O, so now it could only get better.
It worked great for two first days. I kept taking it twice a day but then the amount of CM started slowly decreasing. By Monday my underwear was dry and clean, and I observed only a very a small amount when checked internally. It was pretty stretchy, but it was just a little! Same on Tuesday. It's Wednesday now, my cervix feels soft and open, and positioned high (all three are great signs of O being really close), and I have virtually NO CM AT ALL, not even when I check internally!! WTH?
I decided not to take the stupid thing this morning and hope my body will produce at least some CM. What a bummer!!
It worked great for two first days. I kept taking it twice a day but then the amount of CM started slowly decreasing. By Monday my underwear was dry and clean, and I observed only a very a small amount when checked internally. It was pretty stretchy, but it was just a little! Same on Tuesday. It's Wednesday now, my cervix feels soft and open, and positioned high (all three are great signs of O being really close), and I have virtually NO CM AT ALL, not even when I check internally!! WTH?
I decided not to take the stupid thing this morning and hope my body will produce at least some CM. What a bummer!!
Monday, June 7, 2010
The time has come (to TTC)
June is the first month DH and I decided to actively TTC. On June 28th it will be 6 months since I reached negative, but we think a couple of weeks won't make much difference. :) So assuming my HCG will be below 2 this Friday, we will be BD-ing like crazy next week. :)
I actually skipped my BW last month. When I went the nurse wouldn't do it because it was a week before a full month passed from my last BW. Then I was out of the country, and then I started a new job... So I am going this Friday and I really hope I am still negative. I also hope this is the last time I hope I am negative, and from now on I will only hope that I am positive. :)
I read TCOYF book a couple of times while waiting, and I feel I know my body so much more now. I don't temp but I relying on other signs (mostly cervical fluid and cervical position) I have been able to pinpoint the O day pretty well for the last few months. I am going to start Mucinex on Friday because I never had much egg-white quality CF, and I am not a big fan of Pre-Seed (although we actually used it when I got pregnant with the MP).
I am going to O sometimes between next Monday and Wednesday. And then - the dreaded 2ww... I am very excited but also scared and anxious. I really would like this baby to have EDD before or on the EDD of the MP. And this means that I need to get pregnant either this or next month. Nothing like a self-imposed pressure. :)
I actually skipped my BW last month. When I went the nurse wouldn't do it because it was a week before a full month passed from my last BW. Then I was out of the country, and then I started a new job... So I am going this Friday and I really hope I am still negative. I also hope this is the last time I hope I am negative, and from now on I will only hope that I am positive. :)
I read TCOYF book a couple of times while waiting, and I feel I know my body so much more now. I don't temp but I relying on other signs (mostly cervical fluid and cervical position) I have been able to pinpoint the O day pretty well for the last few months. I am going to start Mucinex on Friday because I never had much egg-white quality CF, and I am not a big fan of Pre-Seed (although we actually used it when I got pregnant with the MP).
I am going to O sometimes between next Monday and Wednesday. And then - the dreaded 2ww... I am very excited but also scared and anxious. I really would like this baby to have EDD before or on the EDD of the MP. And this means that I need to get pregnant either this or next month. Nothing like a self-imposed pressure. :)
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