Bootcamp

I had my first bootcamp class today (Wednesday - cardio, see below). We did a quick worm-up, a 50 min run (well, it was more like a jog, but I was very proud of myself because some people actually walked) and a 5 min stretching to cool-down. I look forward to seeing how my Thursday workout will look like. Here is the weekly format:

- Mondays and Fridays are lower body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Tuesdays and Thursdays are upper body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Wednesdays is solely focused on cardio
- Saturdays are whole body workout.

I am planning to skip Saturdays though.

We are going to the beach tomorrow night! A friend has a really nice house in Lewes, DE, about 2 mil from the beach. We will be staying till Sunday; it will be just the two of us the first night, and then another two couples will join us on Friday night. I can't wait, especially that I just discovered a great Outlet mall 10 min from the house! And DE doesn't have sales tax!! :)

New Me

I just bought 3-months of coupons for Bootcamp. 1 hour outdoor classes at 6 am, 6 times a week (I may skip Saturdays). Figured I will have a hard time motivating myself for the triathlon at the beginning and I still haven't heard from anyone in the program after sending an inquiry a few weeks ago. Plus, I've always wanted to do some type of bootcamp thing. And it's in the morning, so I will still have my evenings for myself. I would like to start ASAP, possibly on Monday after we come back from the beach (the coupons will be activated tomorrow and then we are leaving on Thursday; I don't want to skip too many days). I am looking forward to seeing myself at the end of the three months! I am looking forward to being in shape again! Ready for the baby! :)

I have purchased "the fertile female" book on Amazon and it arrived on Friday. I am about half way through. Even though I don't intend to follow every single advice the author mentions, I am feeling stronger already. Julia Indichova confirms what I have believed in for many years but never was able to verbalize: doctors, specialists, and experts have opinions. And instead of blindly following every word they say, one should use their opinions as tools to form one's own opinion. As everyone is different, and what works for one, may not work for another.

She also believes in the power of will or the power of mind. Her "imagery" exercises invalidate my deep fears of positive thinking. I have always known that my thinking of something will not change the reality but was still afraid to think happy thoughts in the time of crisis. I was always scared of thinking that we will see the baby and the HB on the ultrasound because "it never happens the way we imagine it". Julia says, go ahead and imagine! Your brain will help let it happen! If you want to be a mother, imagine yourself as a mother! Keep thinking positively and you subconsciously will help it happen.

Julia also talks about the importance of food we eat. But again, not being on a diet, just not abusing your system and making your body happy. She says that every time she is about to eat, she asks a question. Will my body be happy when I eat this? Will this food help my body? Or will it make my body work really hard and use up all the resources to "work" through this food? In her opinion, by eating right we can release the resources otherwise tied up in digesting, and allow them to work on other parts of the body, once that need some work, perhaps.

So this is the new me. The happy me. I am going to eat better, exercise, and think positive.

Eat better = know what I eat and make educated choices.
Exercise = loose weight and get in shape.
Think positive = not be afraid to see myself happy in my imagination.

Good luck to me. :)

Pathology results

We got our pathology report from the second miscarriage yesterday. It wasn't another molar, which is great, but it was Trisomy 16 (three, instead of two, chromosomes 16). My doctor said that chromosomal issues are usually related to mother's age and once you have one, future pregnancies are kind of hit or miss. From my own research it seems that it is another "fluke" that does not have any bearing on the next pregnancies (maybe we should play a lottery?). Apparently Trisomy 16 is "responsible" for majority of first-trimester miscarriages. We are clear to try again in December but we decided not to wait. We won't be trying very hard this month but will definitely start in October. Third time is supposed to be a charm, right?

Another one

Spoke with a friend overseas this morning and got the latest news. A wife of my friend/former coworker is pregnant. We will be seeing them when we go there at the end of October. It will be tough because she is pretty much exactly when I would have been. Why do I have this bad luck of having EDD the same as friends who go on to have healthy babies???

It's been 1.5 years since we started TTC and I'd been pregnant for 20 weeks all together. That's 20 weeks of nausea, tiredness, and extreme stress. And I have nothing to show for it! Even people who weren't even thinking of trying when we started, already either are pregnant or have babies! And we can't even TTC now! I am happy for them but I am also so sad/pissed/disappointed, and tired of this whole f-ing process!

Unfortunately

I am sorry to report that our little one didn't survive. I was supposed to be over 9 weeks, the baby measured 6w5d and "no cardiac activity was detected". Must have passed about 2 days after the first U/S two weeks ago. I am just glad I trusted my instinct and pushed for this U/S. Otherwise we would have been clueless for another 2-3 weeks. Ugh.

D&C on Tuesday at 1 PM. Hopefully will know if it was another MP or not by the end of September. Already told my boss I wasn't coming on Tuesday and Wednesday, he cried with me, sweet.

We are sad and disappointed. But not as much as last time, we know what's going to happen and the whole D&C etc. Hopefully we'll be able to start TTC again soon.

9 weeks 2 days

A big day tomorrow. We are going to the "extra" ultrasound at 10 AM EST. According to my calculations I will be 9 weeks 3 days. I am going form terrified to happy. I have my list of things what I will do if it doesn't work out and read it from time to time when bad thoughts get to me.

DH is out on Fantasy Football draft party so I am going to be battling with my thoughts by myself tonight. Hopefully I'll just go to sleep at 7-8 (as I have been doing for the last several days) and wake up at 8 AM.

Ugh, if we do get bad news, I will have to have D&C during the long weekend. And the weekend will be REALLY long then. Sucks. Should have done the U/S earlier, so I could recover during the weekend already in case of the bad news.

Please pray for us tomorrow.