Another disappointment at 6w6d

We headed out to the ultrasound with mixed feelings. We knew what the possibilities were, yet we hoped that the child who was miraculously conceived wouldn't be taken away from us so soon. Well, it turns out there wasn't even a child. Not even a fetal pole. By 6w5d we should have seen an embryo and even heard a heartbeat. As always, they try to say that it's early, earlier than you think. Well, unless the sperms can live inside me for two weeks, I am no longer pregnant. Period.

I am disappointed and angry with God, again. We weren't even trying! Why give me a false hope?? Why make me turn from not being ready to making myself ready and even excited and then take it away so quickly? God has a cruel sense of humor.

I am still waiting to hear from the midwifes. The U/S tech won't diagnose anything, just suggested to come back in a week. I know there is nothing to be waiting for, just hope I won't have to have another D&C.

I feel nauseous now. I think it's the stress. I wish I didn't have to be here (at work) today. I know I could leave, really, but there are people who are relying on me. I will do my job, go to the dentist, and then go home and have a wonderful evening with my baby boy.

I can't stop crying. :(

I got a BFP!

I got a BFP on Christmas Eve! I kind of knew for a few days already, as my cycles are 24-27 and I was already a week late at that time, but I refused to take the test. I guess I didn't really believe that I could get preggo after having sex ONCE(!) last month!!

The good thing is that this way I saved myself a lot of worrying. I know it will come (although it hasn't yet, thank goodness). I just reread the first few post from when I got BFP with Parker and I got it at 3w3d. Now I am about 5w2d so it's almost two weeks later!

The only symptom I have so far is mood swings and tiredness. Although with the <6h of sleep the tiredness is no surprise.

BTW, we have finally moved! Christmas at the new house went pretty smoothly. My sister and her friend cooked for the New Years Eve and my mother in law and cousin cooked for Christmas Day, so I could concentrate on unpacking and cleaning up.

The move itself went all right as well. It was long but the movers were pretty good and didn't charge an arm and a leg. Unfortunately we were left with a few pretty bad scratches on our new hardwood floors.

I have to go now but will try to post every now and then. This reminds me, I still need to do the 15 month Parker update!

Parker: 14 months

It's almost the end of his 14th month, he will be 15 months old in only 4 days. Let's bring a bit more structure tot he monthly update entries.

NAPS: Parker transitioned to one nap a day within about 3 weeks. We were all over the place (putting him down from 11 am to 1.30 pm and anything in between) before establishing that 11 am lunch followed by noon nap most consistently produces naps over 1.5 hours. P can sleep from 1.5 to 3.5 hours now, although he gets tired if the 1.5 naps go for a couple of days in a row.

NIGHT SLEEP: Today is the first night of 3 oz for 1st night bottle (we decrease the amount of milk by 0.5oz every Sunday) and P is starting to drop one of his night bottles again, just like last time. He still wakes up any time between 11 pm and 1.30 am for his bottle, but will usually go back to sleep fairly easily if I you give him a pacifier (and stay in bed with him). He did it twice last week and it looks like tonight will be the third night (last two nights I didn't have the paci ready so it was my fault). On the nights that he skipped the first bottle, he had only the small one (3.5oz) at his usually 2nd night bottle time (4-5am), which is different than what we did a few months ago.

Parker sleeps int he big bed now, including naps when with mommy and daddy. He still sometimes sleeps in the crib when with Grandpa and Lola.

WALKING: P started to really walk on the last day of being 13 months. This is when he first time waled a few steps, stopped, and walked again. Now, almost a month later, he can walk very well now although he still falls quite often. I keep thinking it's his shoes, but I do notice that he does that more when he just wakes up, as if he needs some time to get going. It is a lot of fun to take him to a playground now. He can get up the steps by himself and slide down the slide (he learned to do it on his tummy; I think it's time to start teaching him how to slide sitting up though).

FOOD: P feeds himself all meals now, with a little assistance with breakfast (oatmeal). He does not like to be fed so breakfasts are not his largest meals. Although when Grandpa and Lola feed him, they still entertain him during the meal, so he tends to eat more for breakfast. P doe not like soups anymore, again, most likely because he can't eat them himself. So soups appear on the menu only once a week, if that. I made a whole new batch right before he stopped eating them, so we are covered with the soups for a while. He loves to eat whatever we are eating, tonight it happened to be tacos. He didn't have a taco made in one piece but ate pretty much everything what goes on a taco: meat (like), tomato (like), lettuce (no like), tortilla (like), avocado (like a lot). :) No cheese and sour cream due to the allergy. Here is his usual menu at 14 months:

Breakfast: Oatmeal or rice cereal with almond milk, fruit
Lunch: turkey sandwich or toast with almond butter or jelly, soup once a week (if that), fruit
Snack: Fruit (banana, mango, apple, kiwi, pear)
Dinner: Anything we eat

Parker also has one 4-5-oz bottle of hemp milk a day. I just realized that he is supposed to have almond milk during the day and sometime between the last post and now we switched to hemp 24/7. Good that I am writing this blog! :)

P loves fruit but veggies are hard. He will eat broccoli, and cooked carrots, but that's about it. It's not his fault, really, it's mine. I am out of ideas for veggies rather than those two. Something I need to work on.

DAY CARE: The schedule is the same - Grandpa and Lola 2xweek, Mommy and Daddy the rest with some help from Miriam, who is our on call babysitter from Bright Horizon Back-Up Care. Miriam stayed with Parker twice on my telework day and when I had my implant done. She will be coming next Friday on Marc's telecommute day and I have to schedule her for Mon for my telecommute (again, thank you, blog, for making me realize that).

NEW THINGS: Parker understands a lot now, even though he doesn't say much. Actually, he says A LOT, we just don't understand. :) He will bring anything you ask him to, he knows to give something to someone, he understands that he should point to a toy on a Xmas tree and wait until we give it to him, etc.. The first time we realized how much he understood was about a week ago. I noticed that he was chewing on something and tried to take it out of his mouth, worrying that it was something not edible. He didn't like me doing that and made it impossible. I started asking "Parker, what is it that you are eating, show mommy" and he went to the stroller and pointed at a cup with his little star snack in it.

Parker enjoys time with Daddy much more now and most of the time doesn't cry when mommy is not there any more. This is probably thanks to the fact that Marc spends more time with him and... my attitude. When P cries, I give him a hug and explain that it's ok to stay with Dada. I think he learned that mommy no longer will give in to his cries and he doesn't bother.

BOOKS: I am still waiting for the time when he will sit on my lap and listen to a story. He looks at books himself a lot (The Very Hungry Caterpillar is still his favorite although closely followed by Furry Friends and a couple of other books) but won't sit still to listen and look at pictures. So reading to him is still just as reading to yourself :) with him looking at other books or playing with other toys.

TOYS: P discovered how to throw a ball. He enjoys putting stuff in his little bucket and carrying it around the house. He still loves to un/screw tops on bottles. He absolutely loves his Zebra and sleeps hugging it. The blocks are not as big of a hit at the moment but he played with them a lot just a week ago. Loves "baba w babie" and ring stacker (his new toy). Still absolutely loved his cardboard nesting stacking blocks.

MOMMY'S READING: I am done with the "Easy to love..." book and have to say that it changed my life. I used to get frustrated when P wouldn't do what I ask or want him to do. I know think differently, for a different perspective. I feel that I have more respect for him and his choices, and it make me calmer. I also have more patience because I no longer expect that he will understand (and comply) immediately. I now know that sometimes I have to repeat what I want 3 or 4 times and then show him what I mean, and it's not because he disrespects me or doesn't want to listen. I also see how I can help him learn how to interact with other kids. My life is much easier because of this book. :)

I am currently reading "What's Eating Your Child" by Kelly Dorfman. My conclusion is that we are feeding Parker right for the most part. Reading the book encourages me to stick with natural rather than processed food, and I am starting to cook more (made two batches of meat balls for the whole family last week, and backed muffins from scratch this morning!).

I am also reading "The Wonder Weeks" by Hetty Van De Rijt and Frans Plooij on per need basis. :) His next to the last stormy period just ended so I won't be reading it for the next few weeks.

I also downloaded "Bed Timing, The Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep at Just Right Age" by Marc Lewis and Isabela Granic. I used their guidance when P started falling asleep on his own around 5-6 months and I want to learn what they suggest as far as making toddler's sleep better. I haven't started reading it yet but I will report back once I do.

Just a quick update on the new place front. Our closing is scheduled for Thursday, December 20! Yay! We are hoping we can move in that Saturday (or even Friday!) and spend Christmas at our new place. They is still a lot to do int he house; dehumidifiers are still running (which worries me) and appliances and floors/carpets are not there yet, in addition to some cosmetic touches that need to be done, so I am not entirely confident we will close on time. Although I still have hope. :)

Not a baby anymore

I think I can say that Parker is officially walking! He still doesn't want to be "made" to do it, and still crawls on many occasions, but he walks about 50% of time. He can take anywhere from 3 to 10 steps at the time before he falls. But more importantly, he can stop and start again, he can even squat and get up! My boy is growing up! He will be 14 months tomorrow! I still can't believe that he is not a baby anymore!

Parker: 13 months

Our little First Year calendar for Parker is up and I don't have any place to document his accomplishments, so I decided to post them here (duh). I am going to try to make monthly updates, which is not very less ambitious goal and therefore more likely to be accomplished. :)

I also realized that I need to modify the entry titles to include P's name, in case at some point he will have a little brother or sister. I will also state the month number/age.

I am still planning on writing about other stuff that happened around this time, not related directly to Parker, either in "his" posts or separate posts.

So here we go!

Parker is 13 months and 17 day today.

- He is starting to transition to one nap a day. Has been sleeping until after 7 am more often (still only 1-2 times a week) and refused to take his morning nap for the last few days.

- Parker is starting to walk by himself. Since Babcia and Ciociobabcia Halinka (a.k.a. Ciocia) came to visit on September 18th, Parker has been walking (on two) more than before, although at first it wasn't really his idea. :) He can now take 3-4 steps all on his own before falling back on his butt.

- Parker is allergic to egg. Dr. Kim (his wonderful pediatrician, or actually, our family doctor) has indicated that he is "not responding well to egg". However, he was perfectly fine after eating a french toast a few weeks ago. So I gave him a scrambled egg for dinner on Saturday and... it all came back 15 minutes after he fell asleep. Poor baby, bad mama!

- Parker is a very good eater - he loves almost everything, and one of his favorites is broccoli. Here is his typical menu:

Breakfast: Oatmeal or rice cereal with almond milk with fruit (blueberries or raspberries or blackberries.
Lunch: Home cooked soup
Snack: Fruit (banana, mango, shredded apple)
Dinner: Sandwiches with either ham, turkey, jelly, or almond butter, plus some veggies (although most of the times we are not successful in preparing those on time)

Parker also has two 6-oz bottles of almond milk a day.

Food is something I worry about a lot. I feel that maybe he doesn't get enough during the day, and that's why he needs the bottle (or two) at night (more about it later). The problem is that he is a very slow eater. Each meal takes 30-45 minutes as is, and ends a lot of time because he is bored and wants to get out, rather than that he is full (he will still eat if you feed him while he is playing). I really don't want him to learn that eating a meal (unlike snack) not at the table is ok and I am being torn between this and his night waking.

- Parker had a great time with Babcia and Ciocia for over a month. Unfortunately they had to go back eventually, and now Grandpa and Lola are filling in two to three times a week. Mommy and daddy are staying home/telecommuting three times a week with a bit of help from Ewelina (while telecommuting). All until our wonderful Ciocia Aga comes back in mid-December!

- Parker's favorite book continues to be The Very Hungry Caterpillar and he's song is still My Jestesmy Krasnoludki (he is slowly starting to raise his arms on "pod grzybkami mamy budki" and "a na glowach mamy czapki". His first language is definitely Polish, he can show someones eye (oko) and nose (nos). He knows where lamp is (lampa) and clock (tik-tak). He loves to play with blocks. Parker's favorite youtube video Animal Song is slowly giving away to the Shapes Song 2. Parker also loves the Giggles iPad game and one with the animals in a zoo. He also loves the Night Night game.

- We are teaching Parker to move on to doing other things after hearing a "no". We also try not to say "no" when this is not possible. This is very challenging sometimes as it involves ignoring him throwing food items on the floor (we just keep repeating: "Give it to mommy/daddy when you don't want it"; it's finally starting to work occasionally).

- Parker naps in his crib. He also sleeps in his crib first part of the night probably half of the time, and the other half he sleeps in the big bed. He always ends up in the big bed eventually though, which mommy loves. :) He wakes up only once a night for his bottle most nights. He used to wake up for a 11-12 am bottle and then last until the morning. Then we tried to wean him off that bottle, only for him to now start waking around 3-4 am. Plus he will still request a bottle around midnight on occasion. I think it may have been to early to wean him off; all kids are different. Since all efforts to wean him off are more troublesome than actually giving him the darn bottle (plus they don't work), I accepted that my son will drink milk at night for the next several months and am perfectly happy with it. He let us know when he was ready for solids, he let us know when he was ready to drop his third nap and now his second nap, I strongly believe that he will let us know when he is ready to drop his 4 am snack.

- Parker loves falling asleep with mommy or daddy (or any other person, although mommy is clearly the most favorite), although he is getting too big to sleep comfortably in our arms.

- Parker loves playing with (or rather observing) other kids. With our busy schedules, unfortunately we don't have many occasions for this to happen. Now, when we don't have any guests staying with us, I will try to arrange more play dates. Then when Ciocia Aga comes, we will set some play time with other kids to be a part of a routine. Also, our friend Magda mentioned that she would like to drop off her 3 year old son a few times a week, which would be a lot of fun for Parker.

Our new place is closer and closer to getting ready, the drywall is up so now it's only cosmetic. We are shooting to close sometimes in December and hoping to spend Christmas already in the new place.

I am currently reading "Easy to love, difficult to discipline" by Becky A. Bailey and highly recommend the book. All advice about approaching children seem to make so much sense to me, and I now joined the team against spanking. Not that I think an occasional (light) slap on the butt would damage my child but I do think it sends a wrong message and teaches them how to (wrongly) approach others that don't do as they wish they did. Many other things I am trying to correct in my own behavior, toward adults too, not only children. Love the book.

This blog post is NOT sponsored

This blog post is NOT sponsored, I promise! But I just have to express my love to Diapers.com. I am actually in love with both, diapers.com and Amazon. I do about 80% of my shopping there. But this post was inspired by my today's purchase. Went to Amazon (where items are generally about 1$1-$3 cheaper than on Diapers, and the 2-day shipping is always free) to buy two (to compare) seat liners for our Cameleon and a belly bar for the City Mini. It's Monday, Amazon promised to deliver the liners on Wednesday but the belly bar wouldn't arrive until Friday. We leave for the beach on Friday so this wasn't acceptable. Went to Diapers and it turned out all items were either the same price or only $0.05 more. With the purchase totaling well over $100, the next day shipping is free. And guess what, I just got an email that my stuff will be arriving tomorrow! I love you, diapers.com! :)

I realize I owe a regular post about Parker. I haven't even done his first birthday post yet. All soon to come. Now off to work!

Summer update

Lots of changes on our end! I don't even know if I had mentioned before. We sold our house a couple of months ago and moved to an apartment. We bought a house, a condo actually, but it's still being build. We are supposed to move in December/January. It's twice as big as our old house and I am also excited about living in a brand new place, after having to repair something every freaking week in the old house.

Parker still wakes up once during the night for food, usually around 11 pm. It's not too bad as we don't go to sleep until midnight, usually. But I know he is not hungry at that time, as he then can last until 7 am. I don't want him to get used to eating just because, but it may be too late for that.

Also, P stopped falling asleep on his own and is not sleeping through he night yet. Ever since he started crawling, he would get on all four in the middle of the night and cry. We would then have to help him to laying down position. Then he started pulling up on his feet and got used to my assistance. So now he usually wakes up at night at least once (in addition to the 11 pm feeding) and cries. On top of that, he has been sick lately and is now teething (has three teeth already but I think more are coming as he is putting his hands in his mouths more than ever). So now I actually pick him up and rock him to sleep at night! I feel like we are back to when he was 6 months. Except he now is more stubborn. I will rock him almost to sleep and then put him down. He is almost asleep and then suddenly gets up and smiles. :) During naps it's no problem, he will close his eyes and fall asleep. But at night he keeps fighting and getting up. Sometimes it takes me almost an hour before he falls asleep. When I tired to rock him to sound asleep, he would wake up several times at night and want to be rocked. So I know try to put him to his crib "drowsy but awake" as they say. I am not terribly worried, I know he will stop this eventually but it would be nice to have 6-7 continuous hours of sleep again. All my friends are doing some type of cry it out method of sleep training but I really don't believe it's necessary (unless you need/want to speed the process, and I don't think it's worth the crying) so it's hard to talk to anyone about that...

Now food. We give P mostly jar food and some little cereal for finger food. He is really lazy about feeding himself (which is good on other hand because I don't have to worry about him eating dirt and other trash off the floor); he can hold his own bottle but that's about it. Even with the little cheerios he can hardly make it to his mouth! Again, I am not worried much but I would like to start feeding him some "real" food. I feel like he is getting bored with the jar food. But how do you find the time? We usually eat at 9 or 10, after P goes to bed, which happens around 7-8. It would be so great to have family dinners, though!

P also pulls up to everything and he tries to stand without holding on to anything now. He can stand holding on with one hand pretty well already. He cruises along everything very comfortably too. He can also somehow get on top of boxes that are half his height! I was so amazed! (We still have some unpacked boxes laying around).

Parker also started having separation/attachment issues. Man, it's starting to be annoying! He doesn't even want to go to his Daddy when I am around. :(

I can't wait till August! We are going to the Outer Banks of North Carlina with our friends who have a baby girl 3 months younger than P. It's going to be fun!