27w2d: More research

I am torn. I think I made peace with the fact that Parker may be born with Down Syndrome (there is ALWAYS a chance), with or without the nasal bone. I read a lot about it today and having a baby with DS really isn't the end of the world. Boy, it sounds different when I put his name in the same sentence as Down Syndrome. Anyway, I have been reading about the nasal bones and all and have a few more links to share (all are posts at babycenter):

Post 1 - includes a great explanation of sequential screen tests
Post 2 - Absent Nasal Bone, 1:66 chance of DS, baby born with no DS
Post 3 - 1 in 23,000 DS risk adjusted to 1 in 750 due to absent nasal bone
Post 4 - Confused: Since 5% of children without chromosomal abnormalities don't have nasal bone, does the lack of the nasal bone mean 95% chance of the abnormalities happening?
Post 5 - African America, no nasal bone at 12 w, short nasal bone at 18 w, baby born without DS
Post 6 - Confused: Should, and if so by how much, (soft) markers increase your quantitative risk assessment?
Post 7 - Second comment from the top - this woman is amazing! I read her blog (here) and the many babycenter posts she wrote.

I also sent a personal messages to a couple of authors of the posts who had been told about absent nasal bone and had healthy babies at the end. I don't really expect answers any soon as their posts were from 2009 and 2010 but it's good to try. :)

I just realized that I didn't finish my thought started in the first paragraph. What I was trying to say was that I am ok with Parker having an extra chromosome, I just want to make sure that a home birth doesn't present an additional risk for him. As we discussed with DH on the phone yesterday, I would like to get another ultrasound and make sure his heart, lungs, and stomach are still ok. Sure I would like to check on the nasal bone too, but at this point I just need to know that he is ok otherwise.

On a lighter note, I got the Baby Shower invitation (to my own baby shower) last night! It looks very cute, I can't wait.

On another light note, we had a surprise baby shower down in Charlotte, NC when visiting with friends on Memorial Day. One of them got us... a stroller! The one we wanted, off the registry! It arrived last Saturday and I put it together and it is now in our kitchen. I keep imagining our sweet Parker in it! I tried to fold it and put it away for now but I simply can't! I love it so much, because it makes Parker's arrival so much more real! I'm sure DH will want to put it away when he comes back from his conference on Friday night so I may as well enjoy it now. :)

27w1d: The nasal bone issue is back :/

Haven't been here for a long time. A lot changed, i.e. we have decided to do a home birth and are transferring to a birth center to be cared by midwifes. I requested my medical records to be faxed to me and when I was casually looking over then, I noticed that the result from our anatomy scan at 18w5d says "NASAL BONE ABSENT"! I was furious because the doc never said it directly. All he said was that the baby "has a small nose". Is he a doctor or a beauty pageant judge? Google didn't help, again, and I had a big break down on Friday night (I guess the fact that DH was leaving for a 6 day conference didn't help).

I did more research today and here are my conclusions:

1. Lack of nasal bone in Caucasians occurs only in about 5% of healthy babies so it is starting to be considered a strong marker.

However:

2. Some nasal bones are not detected on u/s. I found a post from a woman who describes her case. They didn't see nasal bone on 7(!) ultrasounds and the baby was born with one (and no DS).

3. Some nasal bones are not detected on u/s, again. Another woman posted description of the same case as ours. First u/s showed nasal bone, on the next one the bone was absent. Her baby daughter was bone with 46 chromosomes (no DS). Not sure if she ended up having a nasal bone or not.

4. Some babies develop nasal bones later. Found a post (sorry, I can't find the link any more) from a woman whose baby was born with no chromosomal abnormalities but also no nasal bone. The bone just started to develop at about 4 months of age.

Here is a link to my post, maybe someone will answer it too.

My biggest worry is that (a) we will do a home birth and the baby will turn out to have DS with some other issues that require hospitalization and that he will get in trouble for not being in the hospital. Or (b) we won't be able to do a home birth when the midwife sees the u/s results note and we will have to go back to the same doctor.

I have GOT to stop now. It's already 5.40 pm, which means that I have only 50 min left and I have not finished what I needed to finish for work! UGH!!!

21w3d: Anatomy scan (recap from April 8)

This has happened three weeks ago and was followed by a lot of exciting things so I am not going to be very detail oriented here. Right at the start the very nice technician asked if we wanted to find out the gender (we did, very much so). Unfortunately the baby wasn't willing to expose this little secret to us just yet so she went on to measuring everything and looking at all the details. Heart, lungs, kidneys, bones, all looked good and we were all happy. The baby looked great and moved a lot. We saw him sucking his thumb and stretching his legs. It took a little while (20-30 min or so) and at the end she went one more time for a "bathroom shot". And there it was. My baby's little penis, floating freely in the water! LOL. "It's a boy!", she said and I almost screamed "YES!" :)

We got some pictures (again, they are not great, those u/s technicians are just not the best photographers), she left and the doctor came. He said something that did make me worry a little. He said the baby looks great and healthy, the heart, the lungs and everything. The only thing is that he has a really small nose. He said the bone was clearly visible on the NT scan AND all other measurements+blood test returned really good results (1:1500 and 1:some other large number) so he is going to assume that the baby just has a small nose. I asked again if he is not at all worried and he said he considers it more interesting than worrisome. So we let it go. Until next day, of course. Dr. Google wasn't too gentle with me, everywhere I went people said that without nasal bone between 15 and 20 weeks 9 of of 10 children are born with Down syndrome. I panicked, cried all night, and said I wanted another u/s to see if the nasal bone is there. Then DH found a ton of articles saying that the nasal bone is a "soft marker" for Down, which basically means that it matters only if in conjunction with otherwise risky pregnancy. I googled some more and slowly acquired the same point of view. I guess my freak-out was partially due to the normal pregnancy hormone issues. The thought still comes to mind sometimes (if it's not an issue, why would the doctor mention it at all?) but I am not freaking out any more.

So it's a boy! We are ecstatic and so are my parents. DH said he kept saying either one would be great but then once we found out, he said he secretly wanted a boy all along. :) My parents have three daughters and two granddaughters, no boys on my side of the family so far. They asked me five times if we were sure it was actually a boy. :) DH has one brother and no sisters, but it will be the first grand baby on that side of the family so it's all good there too. :)

We also have been thinking about the name. After going through long lists we narrowed it down to about 10 (Alec, Anders/Anderson, Clayton, Desmond, Eliot, Liam, Milo, Nathan/Nathaniel, Parker) and then decided on The One: Parker. But don't tell anyone because we are not telling anyone besides the closest family. :)

We are still searching for a middle name. I really want a Polish one, to show that he is half Polish. But everything I pick turns out to be wrong for some reason. I like Antoni (a Polish version of Anthony) but DH says is too Italian. I like Kajtek (pron. kahy-tech) which is short from Kajetan, but my mom says it's a cat or dog's name. I downloaded and printed about 200 names off of a Polish name website and plan on having one picked up by the end of the week. :)

21w2d: Happy but a little overwhelmed

I have been pretty busy with all kinds of stuff and didn't get a chance to post for a while. I still owe you a post from the anatomy scan and the trip to Dominican Republic. But today is all about:

1. Changing jobs
2. Nanny/Au-pair/Day cares
3. Where and how to deliver
4. Maternity/paternity leave
5. Nursery decor
6. Registry
7. Home projects (deck/storage/blinds)
8. PMP

I warn you, this is going to be a long post.

1. I got an offer! Yay! They emailed me an official offer while we were in DR. A good (max) raise of 12%, training possibilities, and a fairly clear career path for the next several years made the decision a nobrainer. I am starting on May 9.

2. We are still planning on getting a Polish speaking nanny from Poland but are not sure if she will decide to come and how all the visa stuff will work out, so we are looking for option B. We went to visit a day care today. And here is how it went:

The place had good reviews on various message boards and the tuition is high, so our expectations were high as well. Unfortunately, we were absolutely not impressed. First of all, we waited 15 minutes at the door to get in. The lady on the phone mentioned that they have a staff meeting during that time so she will have to send someone to open the door for us. I offered to reschedule but she said it will be fine. When we came, another person was already waiting. He said he rang the bell and called for 15 min but nobody came. The guy left and we stayed. The lady came about 10 min later.

Second, all reviews said that the place is a bit corporate and sterile, so we expected super clean place. Maybe I am a clean freak but this place was far from feeling sterile. Not necessary dirty, but I would not call it very clean either.

On the positive side, the babies all sleep in their own cribs and all their food and other items are color labeled, so it looks like there would be no confusion. They also work with cloth diapers, which is another plus. They are also very flexible about schedule (each baby has their own schedule), and they take the kids out for walks/playground time twice a day. They showed us one of three infant rooms.

Back to the negatives though. Each room has 9 babies and 3 teachers. There was an adjacent room (the were divided by a half wall with sinks) with infants as well. During our 15 min visit, there was at least one baby at the time (two most of the time) constantly crying in the other room. I kept looking at one little boy who was sitting on the floor crying and he was never picked up! The ladies were busy with other children and never attended to the boy. I was shocked, as the teachers knew we were there and didn't even pretend to care. I think the boy finally stopped crying on his own. In the room we were in 5 out of 9 babies were asleep, two were held by two different teachers and given bottles, one was on the floor in a boppy, holding his own bottle, and one was sitting and playing on her own. Far from perfect but not too bad. The lady who answered our questions mentioned that this room has older children (although still infants) who are more independent. All in all, after looking at the price sheet ($1940/month), I think we won't even put our name on the waiting list.

We are going to visit another day care on Friday. This one is a little less expensive, the teacher-child ratio is 3:8 (as opposed to 3:9 or 1:3 at the first place), and have cameras connected to the internet so that the parents can see their children during the day. I hope this will be a better experience.

I also did some research on craigslist. It seems like there are some in-home day cares available. I need to make a list and call/visit those places to see if there is anything that we like, that would be able to accommodate us in case the au-pair doesn't work out and we are still waiting for a spot in a bigger day care.

3. Delivery. When in Dominican Republic I read Ina May Gaskin's Birth Matters and found out about some scary C-section and induction statistics. Before I got pregnant I never thought I would want to deliver naturally (just like I ask for Novocaine at the dentist office). But after reading Ina's book I changed my mind. I guess my body has failed me twice (when I miscarried) and now is the time to change that. I want to give my body another try to be natural and handle birth of our baby on it's own.

I am going to a information session at the birth center near us, which has great reviews. They have a birth home where you can deliver or they can assist you at your own home. I think we would choose the second option. I will know more after the tour tonight. I am still a bit weary of giving birth at home, in case something bad happens. But I am even more scared that at the hospital I will end up with Pitocin or forceps or C-section for no reason. I also want a midwife who is experienced and who can help me have a great experience giving birth. I want it to be beautiful and private, not like a medical surgery. My two previous babies were taken away from me in a sterile environment and I just don't want to go back there with this little one.

Unfortunately DH has a final today so he won't be joining me. But I am sure he can attend another information session in two weeks. I am doing it now because if we wait, we may have to get on a waiting list.

4. DH and I met with a maternity/paternity specialist here at the Board yesterday. The guy was very knowledgeable and well prepared. He confirmed what we already knew and we also learned a few new things. It looks like I won't be able to take more than 6 weeks off following the birth unless I want to draw from the annual leave. I have three weeks left and could use it if necessary in addition tot he 6 weeks. DH though can use 8 weeks of sick leave immediately after the baby is born, which he probably will. This would take us till about the end of October (depending when the baby decides to come out). Hopefully by this time my parents can be here already and stay till until the au-pair comes. Otherwise we will have to put our 3 month old in a day care, which I would like to avoid.

However, in that case, we would probably try to stay home an extra day a week using our annual leave. This combined with the flexible schedule (and every other Friday off) would allow us to be with the baby three out of five days a week. We would probably look for a part time nanny for the other two days.

5. I am making some progress on the nursery plan. We have a crib picked up and a couple of dressers to chose from (all white). (From now on I am going to say "I" instead of "we" because it seems fake as DH doesn't really give me much input at this point, due to his final. So it may all change once he finds out). I think we will go with beige/brown, orange/red, and green. We (actually we is used on purpose here) have decided that we will use the orange rug that is currently in the living room. We have wanted to replace this rug for a long time and it would fit perfectly. I am thinking light green walls and one wide orange/red stripe on each wall, centered behind each piece of furniture. I would like to hang DH's electric guitar on one of the walls. The guitar is black and white and would look great on the red stripe (the guitar is broken but he wants to keep it as it has sentimental value). The other stripes will get pictures b/w of us and perhaps some white shelves. Orange rug on dark brown floor should look simply gorgeous. I am super excited! All I need to do now is measure the room and figure out what piece of furniture will go on what wall.

6. I have started the registry a while ago and placed several small items on it. Recently I started doing research about big ticket items and have already selected:
- high chair: Boon Flair - Pedestal High Chair
- car seat: Chicco KeyFit 30 Infant Car Seat - Miro
- crib: Spot On Square Eicho Eco-friendly Crib, White
- portable crib w/changing station for the living room: Chicco 4 in 1 Lullaby LX Playard - Vega or Romantic

I also already have a whole bunch of small things that I am not going to list here.

7. Unfortunately I can't write about the rest of the items on my list as I need to leave in 5 minutes. But I already feel better that I am back in the blogging business. :)

Coming tomorrow: anatomy scan, gender, and name choices! :)

18w1d: It's always sad to hear...

... about others loosing their babies. Every time there is a new BFP on our MP board, anxiety crawls into my mind. Today was one of the dreaded days for a fellow board member. She was about 10-11 weeks along (exactly the same as I was when we lost our first), and very nervous about her first OB appointment, as they lost their PMP baby around the same time.

Every time I hear the horrible news like that, I can feel the same pain I did twice in my life. It's not my pain now, but I can feel it, for them. The crushed hopes that maybe this time it will work out. The disappointment of my own body failing me, yet again. And the fear, that maybe I will never...

And I still can't understand the purpose. It's just not fair. The women on the board already went through so much with their MP, and sometimes other miscarriages. Why does it happen again and again?

Amy, may you find the sense in it. And may you find peace.

17w2d: Pregnant together

I am so super happy, I can't even believe it! One of my best friends, K., is pregnant! She told me just yesterday, a few hours after she POAS. She is due in early December, exactly three months after me. Our husbands are really good friends (that's how me have met) and we go on vacations together etc. And now we are going to be buying baby items together and pushing strollers together! I am so excited!

Now, a bit sadder news. My sis and her boyfriend decided not to come. She has a new job and it will be hard for her to get time off so soon after she started. Plus they don't have much money. This leaves my 17-years old niece to come by herself. I am sure she will be fine but she has never flown and never even been outside the country at all. However, we are pretty lucky, because my friend's mom and niece are flying from Poland around the same time and agreed for my niece to tag along. I am getting her visa docs and invitation ready now and will be buying tickets shortly. I really hope she gets the visa or we will be out of $800.

On the work front. I am not sure if I mentioned before but I have applied for another position (same company, different division) about a month and a half ago. Had a pretty good interview and was very hopeful. I haven't heard any news yet so I called the recruiter about this time last week. She said that I should hear from the hiring manager very soon and that it will be happy news. I assumed that I got the job. Unfortunately no call from the manager came so far. And today I found out that she is out of town on a conference and won't be back until Monday. Ugh. But actually, it's not bad. The later they tell me the longer I have to finish up my projects. I really want at least two weeks at my current position before I leave, and with the vacation plans it may not be easy to accomplish that if we started talking now. So as long as I get the offer, I am not super worried about the delay.

We have also decided to build a new deck (actually, have a new deck built for us, lol). The old one is literally falling apart and will need to be replaced sooner or later. It's never been good, the steps are different height and by now the railing is wiggly. We have such a big and beautiful yard, if we don't do anything with the deck, I will not be able to go there at all in the summer!

We were also thinking more about the smaller adjustments to the house that need to be made before the baby comes. For example, if my parents stay with us for a longer period of time (which is the plan) they will stay in the basement, where our only TV is now. So we would like to instal a TV in our bedroom. We are not getting any cable though and will just watch movies. We also will need to move all the junk from the closet downstairs so that my parents have a place to put their clothes there. Our house is really small and has very limited storage space, so we need to CREATE more storage space. :) We measured the dining room/addition and decided that we will spare two feet by the wall for a large closet. However, this will require removing one of the windows and moving the door, so it is definitely not an easy job. I will be calling a carpenter as soon as I get an official offer for the new job.

I am feeling great these days, can stay up past midnight and eat pretty much anything. I still have the darn RLS but have noticed that rubbing some Vick's on my legs helps in 90% of the cases. I still don't eat any sweets and don't drink any fruit juices except a glass of OJ in the morning. This minimizes it too.

Haven't felt the baby move yet which is making me impatient and sometimes worried. We hear a strong HB every day though, so I am not too freaked. But I can't wait to be able to feel it!

16w2d: It has officially began!

Today was the first time someone who had no clue actually asked me if I was pregnant. A coworker looked at me and asked straight away: "Are you expecting?" And then asked if she could touch my belly!! :) This was so funny, because the baby is still pretty low, and the rest of my insides migrated up. And that's where she was touching my belly. Lol.

I also finally posted on FB. Last night. Here is how it went: