Another one

I just found out (on FB) that another friend of mine is pregnant. She is 30 weeks! How do you go about not telling people about your pregnancy for 30 weeks? Is that a competition, a new trend? A neighbor announced when she was 20 weeks. Now this at 30. Even after two losses I think I will be telling people earlier. Or maybe it is >because< of the losses. Maybe because I know I would be so incredibly and unbelievably ecstatic when I get to week 15 and everything goes well, I will not be able to wait? Cra* I want to be 30 weeks too!

We are leaving tomorrow. I can't wait. Hopefully the time will pass quickly and we can get to TTC again. I am supposed to ovulate in 5 days or so. We will be in Poland. It would be great if our baby was conceived in Poland! It would make him/her more connected to the "roots". We will have to try really hard! :)

Sad day

Today I feel sad. A girl from the board who was a few weeks behind me just said in her very innocent post that she finally is out of the first trimester. It made me realize that, if my last baby didn't die, I would have been well out of the first trimester and going to Poland as a surprise, carrying another surprise in my belly. But this dream is gone. And I really hoped that this time everything would go well.

Got (what resembled) AF on Tuesday, but it turned out to be more like dark brown spotting (sorry for the TMI) and lasted only two days. Today I had even a bit of regular, white and creamy CM. This is very confusing. Was that supposed to be AF? Why was is so light? Is this because of scaring? I really hope it is not scarring. My first AF after MP was light and short but I could actually see blood. It was one day normal and the other was just spotting. This time it was only spotting for two days.

I think we should definitely try again this month. If we won't get preggo for three months I can go to the doc, say that we tried for 3 months, and want to get it checked out. If we wait, like Dr. SmartA suggested, we won't know for a long time.

It will be hard to spot O this month though, because we will be traveling overseas right around that time. Not only I may O later, but also, how do I track temp when I am in a timezone 6h ahead?! I really hope I can do it somehow.

It's only noon and I am ready to go, less than 5 hours left, but I do have a lot to do. Problem is, I can't really concentrate much on anything other than the baby and trying and AF and all this crazy stuff.

Ugh, I better go eat something.

On a positive note, I am enjoying the Boot Camp. Today was a good day and I did almost all exercises (aside from push-ups) and felt great. My stomach muscles are still hurting but not nearly as much as yesterday and on Wednesday, and I am not sore otherwise. I am debating whether I should go tomorrow. It's at 8 but it IS Saturday. I'm tempted but I know I can't possibly keep up working out 6 times a week forever! Unless we do NOT have children, of course, which is possible, but I don't want to think about it, because I promised myself I will imagine only bright future. So we will see. If I wake up on my own on time to go (which I probably will as I will be taking my temp at 6.30 am and probably won't be able to fall asleep after) I will go. If not, I will stay and enjoy sleeping in and snuggling with DH. :)

Back from the beach

The weekend at the beach was great. Even though the weather was pretty bad (it rained at least a bit pretty much every day, and simply poured on Sunday), we had a great time. DH and I took a long bike ride on Fri afternoon, this was my favorite part. We rode down to the beach and stopped several times to see some cute houses and other interesting things. It was very windy when we got to the beach, so we didn't hang out long. I have some wind crazy hair pics, maybe I will post them tomorrow. We stopped in the little "downtown" area on the way back and walked around some. I got a piece of delicious fudge and DH got a piece of brownie. It was fun to just walk around with no hurry and no real goal, just enjoying ourselves.

B and S arrived later that night and we watched a movie sipping Margaritas. On Sat the guys went golfing and the girls went shopping. Shopping was definitely fun and probably even more tiring than the biking. :) J and K arrived later Sat afternoon and the girls headed out for some more shopping. I got some good stuff for DH and myself, as well as some presents for family in Poland. Then we had a dinner in a neighborhood seafood restaurant and hang out at home till 5 am! :) Mini-vacations with friends just rock!

I did my bootcamp today and it kicked my a$$! lol. I am sore already. I have a feeling I won't have a problem fitting in my skinny pants in a few weeks; which makes me very motivated and happy. :)

Now, if only AF showed up and I could get back on track with TTC. Tomorrow will be exactly 4 weeks since D&C so I hope it will happen soon.

Bootcamp

I had my first bootcamp class today (Wednesday - cardio, see below). We did a quick worm-up, a 50 min run (well, it was more like a jog, but I was very proud of myself because some people actually walked) and a 5 min stretching to cool-down. I look forward to seeing how my Thursday workout will look like. Here is the weekly format:

- Mondays and Fridays are lower body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Tuesdays and Thursdays are upper body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Wednesdays is solely focused on cardio
- Saturdays are whole body workout.

I am planning to skip Saturdays though.

We are going to the beach tomorrow night! A friend has a really nice house in Lewes, DE, about 2 mil from the beach. We will be staying till Sunday; it will be just the two of us the first night, and then another two couples will join us on Friday night. I can't wait, especially that I just discovered a great Outlet mall 10 min from the house! And DE doesn't have sales tax!! :)

New Me

I just bought 3-months of coupons for Bootcamp. 1 hour outdoor classes at 6 am, 6 times a week (I may skip Saturdays). Figured I will have a hard time motivating myself for the triathlon at the beginning and I still haven't heard from anyone in the program after sending an inquiry a few weeks ago. Plus, I've always wanted to do some type of bootcamp thing. And it's in the morning, so I will still have my evenings for myself. I would like to start ASAP, possibly on Monday after we come back from the beach (the coupons will be activated tomorrow and then we are leaving on Thursday; I don't want to skip too many days). I am looking forward to seeing myself at the end of the three months! I am looking forward to being in shape again! Ready for the baby! :)

I have purchased "the fertile female" book on Amazon and it arrived on Friday. I am about half way through. Even though I don't intend to follow every single advice the author mentions, I am feeling stronger already. Julia Indichova confirms what I have believed in for many years but never was able to verbalize: doctors, specialists, and experts have opinions. And instead of blindly following every word they say, one should use their opinions as tools to form one's own opinion. As everyone is different, and what works for one, may not work for another.

She also believes in the power of will or the power of mind. Her "imagery" exercises invalidate my deep fears of positive thinking. I have always known that my thinking of something will not change the reality but was still afraid to think happy thoughts in the time of crisis. I was always scared of thinking that we will see the baby and the HB on the ultrasound because "it never happens the way we imagine it". Julia says, go ahead and imagine! Your brain will help let it happen! If you want to be a mother, imagine yourself as a mother! Keep thinking positively and you subconsciously will help it happen.

Julia also talks about the importance of food we eat. But again, not being on a diet, just not abusing your system and making your body happy. She says that every time she is about to eat, she asks a question. Will my body be happy when I eat this? Will this food help my body? Or will it make my body work really hard and use up all the resources to "work" through this food? In her opinion, by eating right we can release the resources otherwise tied up in digesting, and allow them to work on other parts of the body, once that need some work, perhaps.

So this is the new me. The happy me. I am going to eat better, exercise, and think positive.

Eat better = know what I eat and make educated choices.
Exercise = loose weight and get in shape.
Think positive = not be afraid to see myself happy in my imagination.

Good luck to me. :)

Pathology results

We got our pathology report from the second miscarriage yesterday. It wasn't another molar, which is great, but it was Trisomy 16 (three, instead of two, chromosomes 16). My doctor said that chromosomal issues are usually related to mother's age and once you have one, future pregnancies are kind of hit or miss. From my own research it seems that it is another "fluke" that does not have any bearing on the next pregnancies (maybe we should play a lottery?). Apparently Trisomy 16 is "responsible" for majority of first-trimester miscarriages. We are clear to try again in December but we decided not to wait. We won't be trying very hard this month but will definitely start in October. Third time is supposed to be a charm, right?

Another one

Spoke with a friend overseas this morning and got the latest news. A wife of my friend/former coworker is pregnant. We will be seeing them when we go there at the end of October. It will be tough because she is pretty much exactly when I would have been. Why do I have this bad luck of having EDD the same as friends who go on to have healthy babies???

It's been 1.5 years since we started TTC and I'd been pregnant for 20 weeks all together. That's 20 weeks of nausea, tiredness, and extreme stress. And I have nothing to show for it! Even people who weren't even thinking of trying when we started, already either are pregnant or have babies! And we can't even TTC now! I am happy for them but I am also so sad/pissed/disappointed, and tired of this whole f-ing process!