Decision

AF arrived yesterday. Very disappointing. I was really feeling it this time, totally thought I was pregnant! If I were, the baby would have been born at the beginning of August, so we could have still gone to the beach. If I get preggo this cycle, I will be due on Sept 4th, so no way we can go. Should we even try? If we succeed, we will have to cancel the trip. But we won't want to cancel too soon, in case I miscarry again. But we don't want to wait too long either, because the longer we wait, the less chance the house will get re-rented and therefore we may not get our $$ back. Plus it's not fair to our friends; they need to know. So, should we or should we not try in December?

On another note, we are redoing our bathroom upstairs. And our bedroom (paint, window treatments, closet). And adding a fireplace (just an "anywhere" fireplace) in the basement. So our whole house is covered in plastic and we live out of boxes (remember, no closet!). And on top of this all, we have a Holiday Party for about 40 people next Saturday! But that's beside the point. I have always loved decorating, redecorating, designing, etc. And yesterday I finally got a sketchbook and a box of colorful crayons, got my tape measure out, and created designs for my new fireplace and my new bedroom. I spent several hours doing that and totally loved every minute of it! Perhaps I will post before and after pics. I am excited to be doing some kind of art again.

Jinxing it

Haven't been here for a while. I have been very busy since we came back from our vacations in Poland, between unpacking, laundry, and being jet-legged. Also, we had a trip to Charlotte, NC planned for Veteran's Day weekend (two weeks after we come back from Poland), so I was busy with that. PLUS, our upstairs bathroom renovation just started and our house is now covered in plastic (and dust), which only adds to the whole craziness.



I have booked our vacation home today. We are going at the end of August/beginning of September. If I get pregnant this cycle, the baby would be 1 month old at the time of travel, so we will probably have to cancel (it's a 7 hours drive). If I get pregnant next cycle, I will be delivering at the time of vacations, so we will have to cancel for sure. If I get pregnant the cycle after next, I will be 9 months pregnant, so we will most likely have to cancel too. I really hope I jinxed it and we won't get to go! :)

Another one

I just found out (on FB) that another friend of mine is pregnant. She is 30 weeks! How do you go about not telling people about your pregnancy for 30 weeks? Is that a competition, a new trend? A neighbor announced when she was 20 weeks. Now this at 30. Even after two losses I think I will be telling people earlier. Or maybe it is >because< of the losses. Maybe because I know I would be so incredibly and unbelievably ecstatic when I get to week 15 and everything goes well, I will not be able to wait? Cra* I want to be 30 weeks too!

We are leaving tomorrow. I can't wait. Hopefully the time will pass quickly and we can get to TTC again. I am supposed to ovulate in 5 days or so. We will be in Poland. It would be great if our baby was conceived in Poland! It would make him/her more connected to the "roots". We will have to try really hard! :)

Sad day

Today I feel sad. A girl from the board who was a few weeks behind me just said in her very innocent post that she finally is out of the first trimester. It made me realize that, if my last baby didn't die, I would have been well out of the first trimester and going to Poland as a surprise, carrying another surprise in my belly. But this dream is gone. And I really hoped that this time everything would go well.

Got (what resembled) AF on Tuesday, but it turned out to be more like dark brown spotting (sorry for the TMI) and lasted only two days. Today I had even a bit of regular, white and creamy CM. This is very confusing. Was that supposed to be AF? Why was is so light? Is this because of scaring? I really hope it is not scarring. My first AF after MP was light and short but I could actually see blood. It was one day normal and the other was just spotting. This time it was only spotting for two days.

I think we should definitely try again this month. If we won't get preggo for three months I can go to the doc, say that we tried for 3 months, and want to get it checked out. If we wait, like Dr. SmartA suggested, we won't know for a long time.

It will be hard to spot O this month though, because we will be traveling overseas right around that time. Not only I may O later, but also, how do I track temp when I am in a timezone 6h ahead?! I really hope I can do it somehow.

It's only noon and I am ready to go, less than 5 hours left, but I do have a lot to do. Problem is, I can't really concentrate much on anything other than the baby and trying and AF and all this crazy stuff.

Ugh, I better go eat something.

On a positive note, I am enjoying the Boot Camp. Today was a good day and I did almost all exercises (aside from push-ups) and felt great. My stomach muscles are still hurting but not nearly as much as yesterday and on Wednesday, and I am not sore otherwise. I am debating whether I should go tomorrow. It's at 8 but it IS Saturday. I'm tempted but I know I can't possibly keep up working out 6 times a week forever! Unless we do NOT have children, of course, which is possible, but I don't want to think about it, because I promised myself I will imagine only bright future. So we will see. If I wake up on my own on time to go (which I probably will as I will be taking my temp at 6.30 am and probably won't be able to fall asleep after) I will go. If not, I will stay and enjoy sleeping in and snuggling with DH. :)

Back from the beach

The weekend at the beach was great. Even though the weather was pretty bad (it rained at least a bit pretty much every day, and simply poured on Sunday), we had a great time. DH and I took a long bike ride on Fri afternoon, this was my favorite part. We rode down to the beach and stopped several times to see some cute houses and other interesting things. It was very windy when we got to the beach, so we didn't hang out long. I have some wind crazy hair pics, maybe I will post them tomorrow. We stopped in the little "downtown" area on the way back and walked around some. I got a piece of delicious fudge and DH got a piece of brownie. It was fun to just walk around with no hurry and no real goal, just enjoying ourselves.

B and S arrived later that night and we watched a movie sipping Margaritas. On Sat the guys went golfing and the girls went shopping. Shopping was definitely fun and probably even more tiring than the biking. :) J and K arrived later Sat afternoon and the girls headed out for some more shopping. I got some good stuff for DH and myself, as well as some presents for family in Poland. Then we had a dinner in a neighborhood seafood restaurant and hang out at home till 5 am! :) Mini-vacations with friends just rock!

I did my bootcamp today and it kicked my a$$! lol. I am sore already. I have a feeling I won't have a problem fitting in my skinny pants in a few weeks; which makes me very motivated and happy. :)

Now, if only AF showed up and I could get back on track with TTC. Tomorrow will be exactly 4 weeks since D&C so I hope it will happen soon.

Bootcamp

I had my first bootcamp class today (Wednesday - cardio, see below). We did a quick worm-up, a 50 min run (well, it was more like a jog, but I was very proud of myself because some people actually walked) and a 5 min stretching to cool-down. I look forward to seeing how my Thursday workout will look like. Here is the weekly format:

- Mondays and Fridays are lower body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Tuesdays and Thursdays are upper body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Wednesdays is solely focused on cardio
- Saturdays are whole body workout.

I am planning to skip Saturdays though.

We are going to the beach tomorrow night! A friend has a really nice house in Lewes, DE, about 2 mil from the beach. We will be staying till Sunday; it will be just the two of us the first night, and then another two couples will join us on Friday night. I can't wait, especially that I just discovered a great Outlet mall 10 min from the house! And DE doesn't have sales tax!! :)

New Me

I just bought 3-months of coupons for Bootcamp. 1 hour outdoor classes at 6 am, 6 times a week (I may skip Saturdays). Figured I will have a hard time motivating myself for the triathlon at the beginning and I still haven't heard from anyone in the program after sending an inquiry a few weeks ago. Plus, I've always wanted to do some type of bootcamp thing. And it's in the morning, so I will still have my evenings for myself. I would like to start ASAP, possibly on Monday after we come back from the beach (the coupons will be activated tomorrow and then we are leaving on Thursday; I don't want to skip too many days). I am looking forward to seeing myself at the end of the three months! I am looking forward to being in shape again! Ready for the baby! :)

I have purchased "the fertile female" book on Amazon and it arrived on Friday. I am about half way through. Even though I don't intend to follow every single advice the author mentions, I am feeling stronger already. Julia Indichova confirms what I have believed in for many years but never was able to verbalize: doctors, specialists, and experts have opinions. And instead of blindly following every word they say, one should use their opinions as tools to form one's own opinion. As everyone is different, and what works for one, may not work for another.

She also believes in the power of will or the power of mind. Her "imagery" exercises invalidate my deep fears of positive thinking. I have always known that my thinking of something will not change the reality but was still afraid to think happy thoughts in the time of crisis. I was always scared of thinking that we will see the baby and the HB on the ultrasound because "it never happens the way we imagine it". Julia says, go ahead and imagine! Your brain will help let it happen! If you want to be a mother, imagine yourself as a mother! Keep thinking positively and you subconsciously will help it happen.

Julia also talks about the importance of food we eat. But again, not being on a diet, just not abusing your system and making your body happy. She says that every time she is about to eat, she asks a question. Will my body be happy when I eat this? Will this food help my body? Or will it make my body work really hard and use up all the resources to "work" through this food? In her opinion, by eating right we can release the resources otherwise tied up in digesting, and allow them to work on other parts of the body, once that need some work, perhaps.

So this is the new me. The happy me. I am going to eat better, exercise, and think positive.

Eat better = know what I eat and make educated choices.
Exercise = loose weight and get in shape.
Think positive = not be afraid to see myself happy in my imagination.

Good luck to me. :)