A coworker figured me out last Thursday. We were on a 2h meeting and I felt pretty bad at some point and had to pull out some crackers. I also had a bottle of ginerale in my purse and would take a sip from time to time. After the meeting she said flat out: "You can tell me this is non of my business, but when I see a woman drinking gingerale and eating crackers I can think of only one thing!" I responded that it is very early and I would rather not talk about it. She understood. She is a very sweet and nice woman and I know she didn't mean wrong, so I feel like I was a bit too short with her. She and her husband are in their 60s and has no kids; I wonder if by choice or they had some issues.
U/S this Friday. Will be 9w3d. Already freaking out.
I am getting tired of my roots showing up. My old doc (from MP) didn't have anything against dying hair at all. My reg GYN said don't do it for the first few weeks (she wasn't very precise). And my current OB said absolutely not until 20w and even then only highlights. I am blond (really blond) and die my hair black (really black). Haven't done it for 2 months. Needless to say, I look totally horrible and don't know what to do.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
8 weeks 1 day
Woke up with boobs not hurting at all. It made me really sad because a few days before the horrible u/s last year I also felt like all my symptoms went away. So now I freak out whenever I feel a bit less nauseous or tired etc. They hurt a bit now, although not as much as sometimes. I hope it's only temporary.
My doc office called; apparently I have UTI and they will be faxing a prescription for antibiotics to my pharmacy. I googled it and they say pregnant women are prone to this due to hormonal changes. I am just not very confident about taking antibiotics during pregnancy, especially so early.
I also called my insurance yesterday and they said that as long as the ultrasound people bill the u/s under "maternity", it will be paid for. That's good news. I am scheduling my next u/s for Friday, Sept 3rd. I should be 9w3d then.
My doc office called; apparently I have UTI and they will be faxing a prescription for antibiotics to my pharmacy. I googled it and they say pregnant women are prone to this due to hormonal changes. I am just not very confident about taking antibiotics during pregnancy, especially so early.
I also called my insurance yesterday and they said that as long as the ultrasound people bill the u/s under "maternity", it will be paid for. That's good news. I am scheduling my next u/s for Friday, Sept 3rd. I should be 9w3d then.
Monday, August 23, 2010
7 weeks 6 days
I successfully kept down a 1/2 of steak last night although it required a lot from me. I also got some cottage cheese this morning. So finally some protein in my system. It's lunch time so we will see how this is going to work... lol
Thursday, August 19, 2010
OBGYN appointment
I went to the doc on Thursday and she said the measurements are only approximate, especially in the first weeks, and that if a different tech did it right away, the results would probably be different. Not to mention variations due to different equipment. She totally dismissed the 6w3d note and said as long as the tech didn't see the need to change the due date, she is totally not concerned.So it looks like the doctor's visit was totally unnecessary and I could have simply relied on the opinions of my online friends. :)
An interesting thing we learned though. When I asked for another u/s before the 12w scan, she said she has no problem with me going even once a week until then, but to check with the insurance. She said the u/s run up to $600-$700 without insurance, and most insurance plans cover only the necessary ones (first one and then a 12w scan, etc.) and emergency ones (bleeding, pain, etc.). She did give me two requests (for two u/s), one at 9 weeks (the one I asked for) and one at 11-12 weeks. I can use the 9 weeks one if I want to.
Another interesting thing was that she totally criticized my onco-gyno treatment of the MP! She said it was unnecessary to give me 9 shots of metho and he should have given me multi agent when two metho shots didn't bring hcg to 0. Of course I didn't agree with any of it, and mentioned that it looks like what he did was a standard procedure. Honestly, since almost a year on this board I've never heard of using mutli agent so soon. Plus my onco-gyno happens to be the Director of Division of Gynecologic Oncology at the George Washington University Medical Center in Washington DC. She may be a great OBGYN but in case of MP somehow I trust him to know what he is doing more than her. Based on her lack of open mindness (is that a word??) I am thinking of changing a doctor.
An interesting thing we learned though. When I asked for another u/s before the 12w scan, she said she has no problem with me going even once a week until then, but to check with the insurance. She said the u/s run up to $600-$700 without insurance, and most insurance plans cover only the necessary ones (first one and then a 12w scan, etc.) and emergency ones (bleeding, pain, etc.). She did give me two requests (for two u/s), one at 9 weeks (the one I asked for) and one at 11-12 weeks. I can use the 9 weeks one if I want to.
Another interesting thing was that she totally criticized my onco-gyno treatment of the MP! She said it was unnecessary to give me 9 shots of metho and he should have given me multi agent when two metho shots didn't bring hcg to 0. Of course I didn't agree with any of it, and mentioned that it looks like what he did was a standard procedure. Honestly, since almost a year on this board I've never heard of using mutli agent so soon. Plus my onco-gyno happens to be the Director of Division of Gynecologic Oncology at the George Washington University Medical Center in Washington DC. She may be a great OBGYN but in case of MP somehow I trust him to know what he is doing more than her. Based on her lack of open mindness (is that a word??) I am thinking of changing a doctor.
7 weeks 2 days
My joy didn't last too long. I read more on the internet and did more calculating. The baby usually measures small because of miscalculation of the conception date. Well, there is no possible way that the baby was conceived 4 days later in my case! This would mean that it was not only 4 days after I ovulated but also 6 days after the last time we had sex. And we all know by now that sperms can live only up to 5 days. So the chances are, well, pretty small.
I feel that I am going to loose this bean. Unfortunately. I have OBGYN appointment in 2 h so I will see what's her take on all this. Hopefully she will send me for another U/S next week. If this baby is not going to make it, I want to know asap! If she won't, I am changing the doctors.
There is still a tiny bit of hope in my heart, I teeny tiny one, that the baby will somehow "catch up" to the proper size next week.
I want to throw up.
I didn't go to work today, called in sick. I really need to see that doctor today and it was either today at 2 or in two weeks! I also have a very important meeting at 2, and if I didn't call in sick, there would be no way I could make it to the appointment. Plus, I have school on Friday night and all day Saturday and I know I will be exhausted. I just need a break. I still feel bad about lying, I hate to lie!
I feel that I am going to loose this bean. Unfortunately. I have OBGYN appointment in 2 h so I will see what's her take on all this. Hopefully she will send me for another U/S next week. If this baby is not going to make it, I want to know asap! If she won't, I am changing the doctors.
There is still a tiny bit of hope in my heart, I teeny tiny one, that the baby will somehow "catch up" to the proper size next week.
I want to throw up.
I didn't go to work today, called in sick. I really need to see that doctor today and it was either today at 2 or in two weeks! I also have a very important meeting at 2, and if I didn't call in sick, there would be no way I could make it to the appointment. Plus, I have school on Friday night and all day Saturday and I know I will be exhausted. I just need a break. I still feel bad about lying, I hate to lie!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
7 weeks 1 day - ultrasound
There is heartbeat! 111 bpm, that's good.
I was really nervous (see previous post) and ready for the bad news. I was very quiet when we got to the car and knew it was going to be hard. So we started talking about my pregnant friend, who is ready to give birth in 3 days. This loosen the tension and I was able to laugh and relax a bit. We got the the place at about 7:40. Filled out some paperwork and waited till about 8:05 to be called in. The ultrasound tech was ok. Not super enthusiastic but fairly warm. Asked if everything was ok so far. I said that it was, no bleeding or anything, but that after last time we both were realistic. She asked for details and I just told her that at 11 weeks u/s the baby had no HB and was just about 6weeks big. She said aww, and went right into it. She immediately said "So there is a baby with a heartbeat." I didn't see it and asked, semi-surprised: "There is??" She zoomed in and showed us a little blob with a beating heart. :) Then she turned up the speakers and we heard the little heart beating really fast. I did cry and squeezed M's hand really hard.
The tech said the baby is measuring between 6 and a half and 7 weeks (the u/s pic says CRL 0.61cm, 6w3d), and the due day according to my LMP is April 6. I told her that I should be 7w 1d according to my calculations but she said it's still perfectly normal and she can't change my due date.
The heart rate was 111 bpm. I already googled on the way to work that for 6-7 weeks the heart rate is between 100-110, so 111 seems just fine. Although some girls reported 150 and more around 7 weeks.
I decided that this is good news and I can finally break the news on the Molar Pregnancy board. I will probably also tell my friend who I am meeting tonight. I told her after we lost the baby last time, and I will tell her if anything happens this time. So it's not really fair to give only the bad news. Plus, if It's going to end, I want to take a full advantage of the good and pleasant stuff too! From now on - I am happy!
And here is where I remember the ecstatic one day and the completely devastated the next day from a year ago, and I change my mind. I won't be overly happy, I will be cautious, but I won't be paranoid anymore, either.
I was really nervous (see previous post) and ready for the bad news. I was very quiet when we got to the car and knew it was going to be hard. So we started talking about my pregnant friend, who is ready to give birth in 3 days. This loosen the tension and I was able to laugh and relax a bit. We got the the place at about 7:40. Filled out some paperwork and waited till about 8:05 to be called in. The ultrasound tech was ok. Not super enthusiastic but fairly warm. Asked if everything was ok so far. I said that it was, no bleeding or anything, but that after last time we both were realistic. She asked for details and I just told her that at 11 weeks u/s the baby had no HB and was just about 6weeks big. She said aww, and went right into it. She immediately said "So there is a baby with a heartbeat." I didn't see it and asked, semi-surprised: "There is??" She zoomed in and showed us a little blob with a beating heart. :) Then she turned up the speakers and we heard the little heart beating really fast. I did cry and squeezed M's hand really hard.
The tech said the baby is measuring between 6 and a half and 7 weeks (the u/s pic says CRL 0.61cm, 6w3d), and the due day according to my LMP is April 6. I told her that I should be 7w 1d according to my calculations but she said it's still perfectly normal and she can't change my due date.
The heart rate was 111 bpm. I already googled on the way to work that for 6-7 weeks the heart rate is between 100-110, so 111 seems just fine. Although some girls reported 150 and more around 7 weeks.
I decided that this is good news and I can finally break the news on the Molar Pregnancy board. I will probably also tell my friend who I am meeting tonight. I told her after we lost the baby last time, and I will tell her if anything happens this time. So it's not really fair to give only the bad news. Plus, if It's going to end, I want to take a full advantage of the good and pleasant stuff too! From now on - I am happy!
And here is where I remember the ecstatic one day and the completely devastated the next day from a year ago, and I change my mind. I won't be overly happy, I will be cautious, but I won't be paranoid anymore, either.
7 weeks 1 day - before ultrasound
It's 6:57 am, the U/S is at 8. It's dark and rainy. Sad weather, crying for our baby?
I can't even pray anymore. Since last September. I feel that I need to take whatever is given to me, I have nothing to say. Even now, while I am typing it, I see no point in typing it - isn't it obvious? We have nothing to say. It's God's will. All I can do now is put my head down, go to the ultrasound, and receive bad news. And cry. The weather is crying already.
I feel sick, like I'm going to throw up. But it's not morning sickness, it's the stress. Please be 8:30 already!
I am numb inside. If we get bad news, I don't think I am going to cry at all. Tears may come down my face but I won't cry.
It's 7.15, time to go.
I can't even pray anymore. Since last September. I feel that I need to take whatever is given to me, I have nothing to say. Even now, while I am typing it, I see no point in typing it - isn't it obvious? We have nothing to say. It's God's will. All I can do now is put my head down, go to the ultrasound, and receive bad news. And cry. The weather is crying already.
I feel sick, like I'm going to throw up. But it's not morning sickness, it's the stress. Please be 8:30 already!
I am numb inside. If we get bad news, I don't think I am going to cry at all. Tears may come down my face but I won't cry.
It's 7.15, time to go.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
7 weeks 0 days - the night before ultrasound
I couldn't sleep I was stressing so much. So I created a list of things I would do if we got bad news tomorrow. Something to show that life will go on and we will be fine. So here is the list:
1. Loose weight and get in shape. Possibly sign up for another race or start seriously play tennis.
2. Get a new fixer-upper house.
3. Go home (to Poland) for Christmas.
4. Redo bathroom in our current house by myself.
5. Finish renovating BIL's house.
6. Get PMP (Project Management Professional) Certification.
7. Use up Groupon for laser hair removal.
8. Dye hair!!! (Haven't dyed my hair in 6 weeks and I have awful blond roots showing!)
9. Get tooth implant.
Making this list made me feel much better.
1. Loose weight and get in shape. Possibly sign up for another race or start seriously play tennis.
2. Get a new fixer-upper house.
3. Go home (to Poland) for Christmas.
4. Redo bathroom in our current house by myself.
5. Finish renovating BIL's house.
6. Get PMP (Project Management Professional) Certification.
7. Use up Groupon for laser hair removal.
8. Dye hair!!! (Haven't dyed my hair in 6 weeks and I have awful blond roots showing!)
9. Get tooth implant.
Making this list made me feel much better.
35 dpo - 7 weeks
Tomorrow is a big day. Ultrasound. I will be 7 weeks 1 day then (7 weeks by LMP) so if we don't see the heartbeat, it's pretty much doomed. I am nauseous, don't know if this is more morning sickness or the stress. I am lucky my boss isn't here today because I cannot concentrate on anything.
7 weeks is a milestone, definitely. I would be celebrating if I knew that the baby was still alive. But I don't. Last time the baby passed at about 6 weeks 4 days. I wonder if (s)he had a heart beat. If we went for the suggested follow up u/s 10 days after the first one, it would have been too late already. So there was no way of knowing.
I read a beautiful pregnancy blog. She went to 10 weeks to find out that the baby stopped growing at just passed 8 weeks. I know that feeling. We were almost 11 weeks to find out that may body was cheating me for the last 5 weeks! She is pregnant again. Egg donor. About 32 weeks now. A boy. Happy ending.
There was a study done on the heart rate and chances of miscarriage: www.fetalultrasound.com/online/text/4-010.HTM. I studied it in detail and here are my conclusions:
1. If a baby between 6-10 mm has a heartbeat rate of more than 90 bpm, the chances of miscarriage are only 0.5%.
2. However, if the heartbeat is less than 90bpm in babies younger than 8 weeks, the chances for miscarriage are 80%.
3. Normal embryos start life with heartbeat of more than 85bpm.
I really hope that we see at least 10mm baby with a heartbeat of well over 100 bpm. Is this too much to ask? That's all we wanted to see last time, but we didn't, so apparently it is.
21 hours to go.
7 weeks is a milestone, definitely. I would be celebrating if I knew that the baby was still alive. But I don't. Last time the baby passed at about 6 weeks 4 days. I wonder if (s)he had a heart beat. If we went for the suggested follow up u/s 10 days after the first one, it would have been too late already. So there was no way of knowing.
I read a beautiful pregnancy blog. She went to 10 weeks to find out that the baby stopped growing at just passed 8 weeks. I know that feeling. We were almost 11 weeks to find out that may body was cheating me for the last 5 weeks! She is pregnant again. Egg donor. About 32 weeks now. A boy. Happy ending.
There was a study done on the heart rate and chances of miscarriage: www.fetalultrasound.com/online/text/4-010.HTM. I studied it in detail and here are my conclusions:
1. If a baby between 6-10 mm has a heartbeat rate of more than 90 bpm, the chances of miscarriage are only 0.5%.
2. However, if the heartbeat is less than 90bpm in babies younger than 8 weeks, the chances for miscarriage are 80%.
3. Normal embryos start life with heartbeat of more than 85bpm.
I really hope that we see at least 10mm baby with a heartbeat of well over 100 bpm. Is this too much to ask? That's all we wanted to see last time, but we didn't, so apparently it is.
21 hours to go.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
23 dpo = 5 weeks 2 days
I got the blood work results today. They called me early in the morning, while I was in a meeting (of course!). The nurse left a message: 5,397!!! It doubled! Yes!! Beautifully doubled, maybe a bit more then doubled, but not as much to worry about molar. I hope.
Since the hcg is over 2000 I scheduled an u/s. But I don't want an early one, like last time, just to find out that I am right on time but there is no baby yet. The u/s is scheduled for August 18th. I will be 7 weeks 1 day (or 7w0d LMP), so we will see the heartbeat if it's meant to be. I really hope it's meant to be.
Since the hcg is over 2000 I scheduled an u/s. But I don't want an early one, like last time, just to find out that I am right on time but there is no baby yet. The u/s is scheduled for August 18th. I will be 7 weeks 1 day (or 7w0d LMP), so we will see the heartbeat if it's meant to be. I really hope it's meant to be.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
22 dpo = 5 weeks 1 day
A better day. I woke up with boobs really sore. And I felt a little nauseous in the morning. And boobs are even more sore now, I can barely touch them. It makes me happy because I feel like there is hope this baby will stick.
I go to my MP board every day. I read almost everything but I don't post much. Recently I stopped reading the Recently Diagnosed as I felt like I didn't know any of the girls any more. So I stuck with the TTC. But since I got my BFP, I started reading Pregnant After MP and got a little sluggish with the TTC. I am definitely not ready to join the Pregnant... yet but since two girls just announced BFPs on the TTC, I wanted to do that to. But I didn't want to announce it publicly without telling my one friend from the board before hand. So I composed an email to her but just couldn't bring myself to send it. I know nobody reads this blog so I feel like nobody actually knows about my BFP. But if I tell someone, I'll jinx it. Even if it's a virtual friend.
As a matter of fact I tried to email this friend a few times already. Every time I changed my mind. So here is the message:
---
Sorry I fell off the face of the Earth. I actually have been reading the posts but every time I started writing, someone would come to my office and I had to close the browser. :) It's late now and nobody is here so let's try again. :)
I know you are O-ing about now and that it hurts, so I hope the pain stops right after the O. You said that last time the cyst went away on it's own, I hope this one will too. Actually, when you get pregnant, the cyst should stay and support pregnancy until the placenta picks up. So I actually hope it doesn't go away, and that it makes itself useful instead. :)
As for prenatal vitamins, yeah, they make them fancy. I have a few weeks supply left and am debating whether to go for refill or not. $45 is a steep price for just simple vitamins. Although they don't make me nauseous like the other ones did, so it may be worthy. I don't know about hemorrhoids, luckily I never had a problem with that. Would hemorrhoids be due to constipation? If so, you can probably figure out what in the pills makes you constipated and just see if any brand makes them without that ingredient.
Luteal phase of 13 days is perfect. Anything above 12 is good, since implantation doesn't happen until 10 days or so, the egg needs some time to attach. So with 13 you are totally fine.
Good for you with the boot camp. As far as I remember you are in the second one now. I'm jealous about the 2" off your waist! You go girl!
I am really scared to say it (or write it) for the fear of jinxing it but I feel I owe you this information. I got my BFP last week. I tested at 14 DPO, which is one day after AF due for me (also 13 days LP). I got a very strong positive on Clear Blue. Since I read so much about false positives with the blue ink tests, I retested with FRER digital and got a YES. So far we didn't tell anyone (except for my doctor) as I am PARANOID. I feel like the moment I hit send on this message (with the info abut BFP), everything will just go down hill. Therefore I am not going to send it.
---
Ugh! I hate being so paranoid! It's not fair to the baby! I feel like this baby is not getting any love. And if this is it's only time on this earth, (s)he deserves to be loved even more then one that survives! My baby is still an embryo and I am already a bad mother! :(
I have to change the subject. We went on a long bike ride with DH last night. We want to take advantage of good interest rates and buy a new house. We want to buy a fixer upper though, as we love seeing how the house changes from a beat up ugly to a beautiful one. I have worked on my BIL's fixer upper for the last year. Patiently driving 40 miles/50 min every Saturday morning, and 40 miles/50 min back every Saturday night.
Anyway, the house is almost ready (it looks beautiful) and I need a new project. I learned what I needed and now I want to apply it in my own home. So we rode around the neighborhood looking for the "diamond in the rough". :) When we got back home it was already dark. We reheated our leftover taco stuff and ate watching Friends rerun. We love having our basement back (long story). Than I took a nice long bath. A very pleasant evening. :)
I go to my MP board every day. I read almost everything but I don't post much. Recently I stopped reading the Recently Diagnosed as I felt like I didn't know any of the girls any more. So I stuck with the TTC. But since I got my BFP, I started reading Pregnant After MP and got a little sluggish with the TTC. I am definitely not ready to join the Pregnant... yet but since two girls just announced BFPs on the TTC, I wanted to do that to. But I didn't want to announce it publicly without telling my one friend from the board before hand. So I composed an email to her but just couldn't bring myself to send it. I know nobody reads this blog so I feel like nobody actually knows about my BFP. But if I tell someone, I'll jinx it. Even if it's a virtual friend.
As a matter of fact I tried to email this friend a few times already. Every time I changed my mind. So here is the message:
---
Sorry I fell off the face of the Earth. I actually have been reading the posts but every time I started writing, someone would come to my office and I had to close the browser. :) It's late now and nobody is here so let's try again. :)
I know you are O-ing about now and that it hurts, so I hope the pain stops right after the O. You said that last time the cyst went away on it's own, I hope this one will too. Actually, when you get pregnant, the cyst should stay and support pregnancy until the placenta picks up. So I actually hope it doesn't go away, and that it makes itself useful instead. :)
As for prenatal vitamins, yeah, they make them fancy. I have a few weeks supply left and am debating whether to go for refill or not. $45 is a steep price for just simple vitamins. Although they don't make me nauseous like the other ones did, so it may be worthy. I don't know about hemorrhoids, luckily I never had a problem with that. Would hemorrhoids be due to constipation? If so, you can probably figure out what in the pills makes you constipated and just see if any brand makes them without that ingredient.
Luteal phase of 13 days is perfect. Anything above 12 is good, since implantation doesn't happen until 10 days or so, the egg needs some time to attach. So with 13 you are totally fine.
Good for you with the boot camp. As far as I remember you are in the second one now. I'm jealous about the 2" off your waist! You go girl!
I am really scared to say it (or write it) for the fear of jinxing it but I feel I owe you this information. I got my BFP last week. I tested at 14 DPO, which is one day after AF due for me (also 13 days LP). I got a very strong positive on Clear Blue. Since I read so much about false positives with the blue ink tests, I retested with FRER digital and got a YES. So far we didn't tell anyone (except for my doctor) as I am PARANOID. I feel like the moment I hit send on this message (with the info abut BFP), everything will just go down hill. Therefore I am not going to send it.
---
Ugh! I hate being so paranoid! It's not fair to the baby! I feel like this baby is not getting any love. And if this is it's only time on this earth, (s)he deserves to be loved even more then one that survives! My baby is still an embryo and I am already a bad mother! :(
I have to change the subject. We went on a long bike ride with DH last night. We want to take advantage of good interest rates and buy a new house. We want to buy a fixer upper though, as we love seeing how the house changes from a beat up ugly to a beautiful one. I have worked on my BIL's fixer upper for the last year. Patiently driving 40 miles/50 min every Saturday morning, and 40 miles/50 min back every Saturday night.
Anyway, the house is almost ready (it looks beautiful) and I need a new project. I learned what I needed and now I want to apply it in my own home. So we rode around the neighborhood looking for the "diamond in the rough". :) When we got back home it was already dark. We reheated our leftover taco stuff and ate watching Friends rerun. We love having our basement back (long story). Than I took a nice long bath. A very pleasant evening. :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
21 dpo = 5w0d
Finally. I feel like pregnancy doesn't even start until 5 weeks. I want to be pregnant, I want it so much! But it's hard. My boobs are not feeling as sensitive as for the last few days. And I wasn't as tired last night, actually went to sleep around midnight, which is pretty normal for me. Is this bean going to stick? I don't have my blood work until Thursday, which is ridiculous, as they will be 7 days apart! Isn't blood test supposed to detect if hcg doubles every two days? Why do I not get to see whether it's doubling? The doctor want's to do u/s when it reaches 2000. It should be way over 2000 on Thursday according to my calculations. I really hope we will see a healthy pole next week (can a fetal pole even be healthy or unhealthy??). It's going to be hard to wait till the office calls me with the results on Friday though.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
19 dpo = 4w5d
I am so scared and so stressed. It's pretty horrible. When I was pregnant with MP I was just so happy, nothing bothered me. I was always in a good mood and smiling. I wasn't getting upset with DH or others. And now, look at me!
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