Tuesday, December 28, 2010
4w2d: Mood swings? You must be joking!
If mood swings are a pregnancy symptom, maybe I'm having twins! At the very moment I am writing this, I am so happy I can barely contain myself. I am so happy I wanna scream that I am going to have a baby! Just a couple of hours ago I had this weird feeling that this pregnancy will not be successful but the next one will be. I was calm and content, but with this weird feeling. An hour before that I almost cried squeezing the heck out of my boobs as they seemed just slightly less sore than this morning. Mood Swings is my middle name!
Monday, December 27, 2010
4w1d
Here we go again. I just read my posts from July/August, at 4w2d. Is this time going to be different? I truly hope so.
Last Saturday (Christmas Day) was the first time ever that I got lightheaded during any of my pregnancies. I almost passed out in the church, felt so dizzy and weak. My BBs are also pretty darn sore, which is very reassuring. I keep touching them at least every 5 minutes. I hope noone is observing me here at work or they will think I am some perv! lol! I also have AF-like cramps here and there. Not much, but noticeable.
I do feel good about this pregnancy. I know bad thoughts will come but I hope I will be able to overcome them. Third time is a charm; I will hold my baby in September or maybe even earlier!
BTW, I read somewhere something that made me feel really positive. One girl on the board believes that with multiple miscarriages it is one and the same baby soul that is trying to get to our world, only in different times and different pregnancies. I thought it was very nice. It made the loss be a little less of a loss, just postponing. So I have decided that if we have a girl, we will name her Nora, the name we picked when I was pregnant the first time. Oh baby Nora, I love you already! We still don't have a name for the boy though.
On a different note, our bathroom is not ready yet. It was supposed to be ready by last Thursday or Friday, before Christmas. But it wasn't. I knew it wouldn't and insisted on doing some most crucial things, like installing the toilet and sink. The toilet got installed (thank goodness we don't have to run down two flights of stairs any more) but the sink didn't. Actually the sink is installed but the water is not connected yet. So we wash our hand in super hot or super cold water in the bathtub (the faucet is not installed there yet either). Everything is going so slow. The guy, bless his heart, is working hard but he is such a bad planner! And he refuses to admit that! Whenever I create any kind of plan, he blows it by not showing up for a few days and then the whole plan is out of whack again. It makes me so angry! He also doesn't think before doing. He installed some of the tiles wrong (the ones I didn't give him particular detailed instructions), measured cubbies in the wall wrong and now they are different sizes, installed sink faucet without checking the size of the pipes and now has to struggle to find the fitting. Ugh, it's so frustrating! HE called me this afternoon (after about 5-6 hours of work) that he didn't make much progress because he had to go to Home Depot three times. The Home Depot that is 3 minutes from his home and about 25 minutes from mine! WTF? Can't you measure twice and cut once? Check for everything before you go to Home Depot! Go second time only if you have to. And NEVER go three times, it's a waste of time! Work on something else, something that doesn't require the stuff from HD and pick up the stuff on your way in next day! Out of the 6 hours that he was in my house, about 3 hours were wasted for the HD trips.
Deep breath! It's only a few more days and the bathroom will be done. :)
One more thing. I told one friend, K. They are TTC their first too, just started last month. She is much younger though (she's not even 30 yet!) so I don't expect them to have much trouble. Although she did tell me long time ago, when we both were sort of drunk, that she has some kind of condition (I don't remember what though) that will probably make it quite difficult. I was hoping we would get pregnant before them though (c'mon, we've been trying for 2 years already!) although I really hope she/they won't have to go through any of what I/we have. Hope we both are pregnant at the same time and have babies close to each other. It would make it so much more fun!
Long post today. :) Got to go. Meeting friends for dinner tonight. It's actually DH's former roommate who is getting married on September 17th in Boston, MA. If all things go right, we won't be able to go. Or at least I won't. But DH said he wouldn't leave me with a 2-week old by myself, he is such sweetheart! I better go because he called me already and is probably waiting for me by the elevators! :)
Last Saturday (Christmas Day) was the first time ever that I got lightheaded during any of my pregnancies. I almost passed out in the church, felt so dizzy and weak. My BBs are also pretty darn sore, which is very reassuring. I keep touching them at least every 5 minutes. I hope noone is observing me here at work or they will think I am some perv! lol! I also have AF-like cramps here and there. Not much, but noticeable.
I do feel good about this pregnancy. I know bad thoughts will come but I hope I will be able to overcome them. Third time is a charm; I will hold my baby in September or maybe even earlier!
BTW, I read somewhere something that made me feel really positive. One girl on the board believes that with multiple miscarriages it is one and the same baby soul that is trying to get to our world, only in different times and different pregnancies. I thought it was very nice. It made the loss be a little less of a loss, just postponing. So I have decided that if we have a girl, we will name her Nora, the name we picked when I was pregnant the first time. Oh baby Nora, I love you already! We still don't have a name for the boy though.
On a different note, our bathroom is not ready yet. It was supposed to be ready by last Thursday or Friday, before Christmas. But it wasn't. I knew it wouldn't and insisted on doing some most crucial things, like installing the toilet and sink. The toilet got installed (thank goodness we don't have to run down two flights of stairs any more) but the sink didn't. Actually the sink is installed but the water is not connected yet. So we wash our hand in super hot or super cold water in the bathtub (the faucet is not installed there yet either). Everything is going so slow. The guy, bless his heart, is working hard but he is such a bad planner! And he refuses to admit that! Whenever I create any kind of plan, he blows it by not showing up for a few days and then the whole plan is out of whack again. It makes me so angry! He also doesn't think before doing. He installed some of the tiles wrong (the ones I didn't give him particular detailed instructions), measured cubbies in the wall wrong and now they are different sizes, installed sink faucet without checking the size of the pipes and now has to struggle to find the fitting. Ugh, it's so frustrating! HE called me this afternoon (after about 5-6 hours of work) that he didn't make much progress because he had to go to Home Depot three times. The Home Depot that is 3 minutes from his home and about 25 minutes from mine! WTF? Can't you measure twice and cut once? Check for everything before you go to Home Depot! Go second time only if you have to. And NEVER go three times, it's a waste of time! Work on something else, something that doesn't require the stuff from HD and pick up the stuff on your way in next day! Out of the 6 hours that he was in my house, about 3 hours were wasted for the HD trips.
Deep breath! It's only a few more days and the bathroom will be done. :)
One more thing. I told one friend, K. They are TTC their first too, just started last month. She is much younger though (she's not even 30 yet!) so I don't expect them to have much trouble. Although she did tell me long time ago, when we both were sort of drunk, that she has some kind of condition (I don't remember what though) that will probably make it quite difficult. I was hoping we would get pregnant before them though (c'mon, we've been trying for 2 years already!) although I really hope she/they won't have to go through any of what I/we have. Hope we both are pregnant at the same time and have babies close to each other. It would make it so much more fun!
Long post today. :) Got to go. Meeting friends for dinner tonight. It's actually DH's former roommate who is getting married on September 17th in Boston, MA. If all things go right, we won't be able to go. Or at least I won't. But DH said he wouldn't leave me with a 2-week old by myself, he is such sweetheart! I better go because he called me already and is probably waiting for me by the elevators! :)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
3w3d: Not neccessary Big and Fat but hopefully still Positive
I got a second temp jump this morning, at 10 dpo. Last time I got preggo in July, I got one at 11 dpo. So I decided to test even though it is early.
I only had a cheapo tests and I am not sure how accurate they are. I got what I wouldn't call a Big and Fat but it's probably still a Positive. :) Last month I remember testing too, just in case, and I saw what looked kind of like a line, but not really. This one is different, but I am still unsure. It is very faint. Plus, I saw it pretty much after the first minute and since the instructions said to wait 5, I am thinking it may be just how the test is, again.
I haven't even told dh yet because I don't want to get his hopes up. I have been feeling nauseous throughout the day yesterday and today. My bb hurt but they've been hurting since before O, so that's no indicator. I was also a bit dizzy last night, but I got my acupuncture treatment yesterday and it's for increasing amount and circulation of blood, so the dizziness is a likely side effect.
Added at 5PM:
Couldn't wait and went to CVS to get a digital. I'm officially preggo again! I'm only 3w3d; long time to the end of the first trimester...
I only had a cheapo tests and I am not sure how accurate they are. I got what I wouldn't call a Big and Fat but it's probably still a Positive. :) Last month I remember testing too, just in case, and I saw what looked kind of like a line, but not really. This one is different, but I am still unsure. It is very faint. Plus, I saw it pretty much after the first minute and since the instructions said to wait 5, I am thinking it may be just how the test is, again.
I haven't even told dh yet because I don't want to get his hopes up. I have been feeling nauseous throughout the day yesterday and today. My bb hurt but they've been hurting since before O, so that's no indicator. I was also a bit dizzy last night, but I got my acupuncture treatment yesterday and it's for increasing amount and circulation of blood, so the dizziness is a likely side effect.
Added at 5PM:
Couldn't wait and went to CVS to get a digital. I'm officially preggo again! I'm only 3w3d; long time to the end of the first trimester...
Monday, December 6, 2010
Confused. Body and soul, confused.
My last cycle was 29 days with O on day 18 and a 11-day luteal phase. I am on CD 8 today and I already got a + OPK! I got my regular period a week from yesterday so I am 99% sure I am not pregnant. I even took a HPT on Saturday, as we had a party that night and I wanted to make sure I can drink. And it was negative, I think. It was this cheap-o test and I did see a second line but it was so faint I assumed it was an evap line. But now, this OPK is definitely +. So my question is, what is more probable, that I am preggo after a regular period and almost negative HPT? Or that I am having a surge and will O on day 11? I think the latter. My temps are somewhere in between pre- and post O so that's no help, really. I guess it's time to BD again!
I really hope it's just me O early this month. Not that I don't want to be preggo, I do, I do so very much! And the timing would be the best possible! I really really would like to be! But on the other hand, I got totally wasted at my party on Saturday (knowing that I wasn't preggo) and I really don't think it would be good for the baby. :/
Oh, I almost forgot! I decorated the house for Xmas! It looks beautiful and I wanted to post a picture. So here is my living room:
The curtain things and the pillows are from Poland. :) And I really love the tree lights reflection on the guitar!
I really hope it's just me O early this month. Not that I don't want to be preggo, I do, I do so very much! And the timing would be the best possible! I really really would like to be! But on the other hand, I got totally wasted at my party on Saturday (knowing that I wasn't preggo) and I really don't think it would be good for the baby. :/
Oh, I almost forgot! I decorated the house for Xmas! It looks beautiful and I wanted to post a picture. So here is my living room:
The curtain things and the pillows are from Poland. :) And I really love the tree lights reflection on the guitar!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Decision
AF arrived yesterday. Very disappointing. I was really feeling it this time, totally thought I was pregnant! If I were, the baby would have been born at the beginning of August, so we could have still gone to the beach. If I get preggo this cycle, I will be due on Sept 4th, so no way we can go. Should we even try? If we succeed, we will have to cancel the trip. But we won't want to cancel too soon, in case I miscarry again. But we don't want to wait too long either, because the longer we wait, the less chance the house will get re-rented and therefore we may not get our $$ back. Plus it's not fair to our friends; they need to know. So, should we or should we not try in December?
On another note, we are redoing our bathroom upstairs. And our bedroom (paint, window treatments, closet). And adding a fireplace (just an "anywhere" fireplace) in the basement. So our whole house is covered in plastic and we live out of boxes (remember, no closet!). And on top of this all, we have a Holiday Party for about 40 people next Saturday! But that's beside the point. I have always loved decorating, redecorating, designing, etc. And yesterday I finally got a sketchbook and a box of colorful crayons, got my tape measure out, and created designs for my new fireplace and my new bedroom. I spent several hours doing that and totally loved every minute of it! Perhaps I will post before and after pics. I am excited to be doing some kind of art again.
On another note, we are redoing our bathroom upstairs. And our bedroom (paint, window treatments, closet). And adding a fireplace (just an "anywhere" fireplace) in the basement. So our whole house is covered in plastic and we live out of boxes (remember, no closet!). And on top of this all, we have a Holiday Party for about 40 people next Saturday! But that's beside the point. I have always loved decorating, redecorating, designing, etc. And yesterday I finally got a sketchbook and a box of colorful crayons, got my tape measure out, and created designs for my new fireplace and my new bedroom. I spent several hours doing that and totally loved every minute of it! Perhaps I will post before and after pics. I am excited to be doing some kind of art again.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Jinxing it
Haven't been here for a while. I have been very busy since we came back from our vacations in Poland, between unpacking, laundry, and being jet-legged. Also, we had a trip to Charlotte, NC planned for Veteran's Day weekend (two weeks after we come back from Poland), so I was busy with that. PLUS, our upstairs bathroom renovation just started and our house is now covered in plastic (and dust), which only adds to the whole craziness.
I have booked our vacation home today. We are going at the end of August/beginning of September. If I get pregnant this cycle, the baby would be 1 month old at the time of travel, so we will probably have to cancel (it's a 7 hours drive). If I get pregnant next cycle, I will be delivering at the time of vacations, so we will have to cancel for sure. If I get pregnant the cycle after next, I will be 9 months pregnant, so we will most likely have to cancel too. I really hope I jinxed it and we won't get to go! :)
I have booked our vacation home today. We are going at the end of August/beginning of September. If I get pregnant this cycle, the baby would be 1 month old at the time of travel, so we will probably have to cancel (it's a 7 hours drive). If I get pregnant next cycle, I will be delivering at the time of vacations, so we will have to cancel for sure. If I get pregnant the cycle after next, I will be 9 months pregnant, so we will most likely have to cancel too. I really hope I jinxed it and we won't get to go! :)
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Another one
I just found out (on FB) that another friend of mine is pregnant. She is 30 weeks! How do you go about not telling people about your pregnancy for 30 weeks? Is that a competition, a new trend? A neighbor announced when she was 20 weeks. Now this at 30. Even after two losses I think I will be telling people earlier. Or maybe it is >because< of the losses. Maybe because I know I would be so incredibly and unbelievably ecstatic when I get to week 15 and everything goes well, I will not be able to wait? Cra* I want to be 30 weeks too!
We are leaving tomorrow. I can't wait. Hopefully the time will pass quickly and we can get to TTC again. I am supposed to ovulate in 5 days or so. We will be in Poland. It would be great if our baby was conceived in Poland! It would make him/her more connected to the "roots". We will have to try really hard! :)
We are leaving tomorrow. I can't wait. Hopefully the time will pass quickly and we can get to TTC again. I am supposed to ovulate in 5 days or so. We will be in Poland. It would be great if our baby was conceived in Poland! It would make him/her more connected to the "roots". We will have to try really hard! :)
Friday, October 8, 2010
Sad day
Today I feel sad. A girl from the board who was a few weeks behind me just said in her very innocent post that she finally is out of the first trimester. It made me realize that, if my last baby didn't die, I would have been well out of the first trimester and going to Poland as a surprise, carrying another surprise in my belly. But this dream is gone. And I really hoped that this time everything would go well.
Got (what resembled) AF on Tuesday, but it turned out to be more like dark brown spotting (sorry for the TMI) and lasted only two days. Today I had even a bit of regular, white and creamy CM. This is very confusing. Was that supposed to be AF? Why was is so light? Is this because of scaring? I really hope it is not scarring. My first AF after MP was light and short but I could actually see blood. It was one day normal and the other was just spotting. This time it was only spotting for two days.
I think we should definitely try again this month. If we won't get preggo for three months I can go to the doc, say that we tried for 3 months, and want to get it checked out. If we wait, like Dr. SmartA suggested, we won't know for a long time.
It will be hard to spot O this month though, because we will be traveling overseas right around that time. Not only I may O later, but also, how do I track temp when I am in a timezone 6h ahead?! I really hope I can do it somehow.
It's only noon and I am ready to go, less than 5 hours left, but I do have a lot to do. Problem is, I can't really concentrate much on anything other than the baby and trying and AF and all this crazy stuff.
Ugh, I better go eat something.
On a positive note, I am enjoying the Boot Camp. Today was a good day and I did almost all exercises (aside from push-ups) and felt great. My stomach muscles are still hurting but not nearly as much as yesterday and on Wednesday, and I am not sore otherwise. I am debating whether I should go tomorrow. It's at 8 but it IS Saturday. I'm tempted but I know I can't possibly keep up working out 6 times a week forever! Unless we do NOT have children, of course, which is possible, but I don't want to think about it, because I promised myself I will imagine only bright future. So we will see. If I wake up on my own on time to go (which I probably will as I will be taking my temp at 6.30 am and probably won't be able to fall asleep after) I will go. If not, I will stay and enjoy sleeping in and snuggling with DH. :)
Got (what resembled) AF on Tuesday, but it turned out to be more like dark brown spotting (sorry for the TMI) and lasted only two days. Today I had even a bit of regular, white and creamy CM. This is very confusing. Was that supposed to be AF? Why was is so light? Is this because of scaring? I really hope it is not scarring. My first AF after MP was light and short but I could actually see blood. It was one day normal and the other was just spotting. This time it was only spotting for two days.
I think we should definitely try again this month. If we won't get preggo for three months I can go to the doc, say that we tried for 3 months, and want to get it checked out. If we wait, like Dr. SmartA suggested, we won't know for a long time.
It will be hard to spot O this month though, because we will be traveling overseas right around that time. Not only I may O later, but also, how do I track temp when I am in a timezone 6h ahead?! I really hope I can do it somehow.
It's only noon and I am ready to go, less than 5 hours left, but I do have a lot to do. Problem is, I can't really concentrate much on anything other than the baby and trying and AF and all this crazy stuff.
Ugh, I better go eat something.
On a positive note, I am enjoying the Boot Camp. Today was a good day and I did almost all exercises (aside from push-ups) and felt great. My stomach muscles are still hurting but not nearly as much as yesterday and on Wednesday, and I am not sore otherwise. I am debating whether I should go tomorrow. It's at 8 but it IS Saturday. I'm tempted but I know I can't possibly keep up working out 6 times a week forever! Unless we do NOT have children, of course, which is possible, but I don't want to think about it, because I promised myself I will imagine only bright future. So we will see. If I wake up on my own on time to go (which I probably will as I will be taking my temp at 6.30 am and probably won't be able to fall asleep after) I will go. If not, I will stay and enjoy sleeping in and snuggling with DH. :)
Monday, October 4, 2010
Back from the beach
The weekend at the beach was great. Even though the weather was pretty bad (it rained at least a bit pretty much every day, and simply poured on Sunday), we had a great time. DH and I took a long bike ride on Fri afternoon, this was my favorite part. We rode down to the beach and stopped several times to see some cute houses and other interesting things. It was very windy when we got to the beach, so we didn't hang out long. I have some wind crazy hair pics, maybe I will post them tomorrow. We stopped in the little "downtown" area on the way back and walked around some. I got a piece of delicious fudge and DH got a piece of brownie. It was fun to just walk around with no hurry and no real goal, just enjoying ourselves.
B and S arrived later that night and we watched a movie sipping Margaritas. On Sat the guys went golfing and the girls went shopping. Shopping was definitely fun and probably even more tiring than the biking. :) J and K arrived later Sat afternoon and the girls headed out for some more shopping. I got some good stuff for DH and myself, as well as some presents for family in Poland. Then we had a dinner in a neighborhood seafood restaurant and hang out at home till 5 am! :) Mini-vacations with friends just rock!
I did my bootcamp today and it kicked my a$$! lol. I am sore already. I have a feeling I won't have a problem fitting in my skinny pants in a few weeks; which makes me very motivated and happy. :)
Now, if only AF showed up and I could get back on track with TTC. Tomorrow will be exactly 4 weeks since D&C so I hope it will happen soon.
B and S arrived later that night and we watched a movie sipping Margaritas. On Sat the guys went golfing and the girls went shopping. Shopping was definitely fun and probably even more tiring than the biking. :) J and K arrived later Sat afternoon and the girls headed out for some more shopping. I got some good stuff for DH and myself, as well as some presents for family in Poland. Then we had a dinner in a neighborhood seafood restaurant and hang out at home till 5 am! :) Mini-vacations with friends just rock!
I did my bootcamp today and it kicked my a$$! lol. I am sore already. I have a feeling I won't have a problem fitting in my skinny pants in a few weeks; which makes me very motivated and happy. :)
Now, if only AF showed up and I could get back on track with TTC. Tomorrow will be exactly 4 weeks since D&C so I hope it will happen soon.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Bootcamp
I had my first bootcamp class today (Wednesday - cardio, see below). We did a quick worm-up, a 50 min run (well, it was more like a jog, but I was very proud of myself because some people actually walked) and a 5 min stretching to cool-down. I look forward to seeing how my Thursday workout will look like. Here is the weekly format:
- Mondays and Fridays are lower body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Tuesdays and Thursdays are upper body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Wednesdays is solely focused on cardio
- Saturdays are whole body workout.
I am planning to skip Saturdays though.
We are going to the beach tomorrow night! A friend has a really nice house in Lewes, DE, about 2 mil from the beach. We will be staying till Sunday; it will be just the two of us the first night, and then another two couples will join us on Friday night. I can't wait, especially that I just discovered a great Outlet mall 10 min from the house! And DE doesn't have sales tax!! :)
- Mondays and Fridays are lower body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Tuesdays and Thursdays are upper body strength, cardio, core, abs, flexibility and balance.
- Wednesdays is solely focused on cardio
- Saturdays are whole body workout.
I am planning to skip Saturdays though.
We are going to the beach tomorrow night! A friend has a really nice house in Lewes, DE, about 2 mil from the beach. We will be staying till Sunday; it will be just the two of us the first night, and then another two couples will join us on Friday night. I can't wait, especially that I just discovered a great Outlet mall 10 min from the house! And DE doesn't have sales tax!! :)
Monday, September 27, 2010
New Me
I just bought 3-months of coupons for Bootcamp. 1 hour outdoor classes at 6 am, 6 times a week (I may skip Saturdays). Figured I will have a hard time motivating myself for the triathlon at the beginning and I still haven't heard from anyone in the program after sending an inquiry a few weeks ago. Plus, I've always wanted to do some type of bootcamp thing. And it's in the morning, so I will still have my evenings for myself. I would like to start ASAP, possibly on Monday after we come back from the beach (the coupons will be activated tomorrow and then we are leaving on Thursday; I don't want to skip too many days). I am looking forward to seeing myself at the end of the three months! I am looking forward to being in shape again! Ready for the baby! :)
I have purchased "the fertile female" book on Amazon and it arrived on Friday. I am about half way through. Even though I don't intend to follow every single advice the author mentions, I am feeling stronger already. Julia Indichova confirms what I have believed in for many years but never was able to verbalize: doctors, specialists, and experts have opinions. And instead of blindly following every word they say, one should use their opinions as tools to form one's own opinion. As everyone is different, and what works for one, may not work for another.
She also believes in the power of will or the power of mind. Her "imagery" exercises invalidate my deep fears of positive thinking. I have always known that my thinking of something will not change the reality but was still afraid to think happy thoughts in the time of crisis. I was always scared of thinking that we will see the baby and the HB on the ultrasound because "it never happens the way we imagine it". Julia says, go ahead and imagine! Your brain will help let it happen! If you want to be a mother, imagine yourself as a mother! Keep thinking positively and you subconsciously will help it happen.
Julia also talks about the importance of food we eat. But again, not being on a diet, just not abusing your system and making your body happy. She says that every time she is about to eat, she asks a question. Will my body be happy when I eat this? Will this food help my body? Or will it make my body work really hard and use up all the resources to "work" through this food? In her opinion, by eating right we can release the resources otherwise tied up in digesting, and allow them to work on other parts of the body, once that need some work, perhaps.
So this is the new me. The happy me. I am going to eat better, exercise, and think positive.
Eat better = know what I eat and make educated choices.
Exercise = loose weight and get in shape.
Think positive = not be afraid to see myself happy in my imagination.
Good luck to me. :)
I have purchased "the fertile female" book on Amazon and it arrived on Friday. I am about half way through. Even though I don't intend to follow every single advice the author mentions, I am feeling stronger already. Julia Indichova confirms what I have believed in for many years but never was able to verbalize: doctors, specialists, and experts have opinions. And instead of blindly following every word they say, one should use their opinions as tools to form one's own opinion. As everyone is different, and what works for one, may not work for another.
She also believes in the power of will or the power of mind. Her "imagery" exercises invalidate my deep fears of positive thinking. I have always known that my thinking of something will not change the reality but was still afraid to think happy thoughts in the time of crisis. I was always scared of thinking that we will see the baby and the HB on the ultrasound because "it never happens the way we imagine it". Julia says, go ahead and imagine! Your brain will help let it happen! If you want to be a mother, imagine yourself as a mother! Keep thinking positively and you subconsciously will help it happen.
Julia also talks about the importance of food we eat. But again, not being on a diet, just not abusing your system and making your body happy. She says that every time she is about to eat, she asks a question. Will my body be happy when I eat this? Will this food help my body? Or will it make my body work really hard and use up all the resources to "work" through this food? In her opinion, by eating right we can release the resources otherwise tied up in digesting, and allow them to work on other parts of the body, once that need some work, perhaps.
So this is the new me. The happy me. I am going to eat better, exercise, and think positive.
Eat better = know what I eat and make educated choices.
Exercise = loose weight and get in shape.
Think positive = not be afraid to see myself happy in my imagination.
Good luck to me. :)
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Pathology results
We got our pathology report from the second miscarriage yesterday. It wasn't another molar, which is great, but it was Trisomy 16 (three, instead of two, chromosomes 16). My doctor said that chromosomal issues are usually related to mother's age and once you have one, future pregnancies are kind of hit or miss. From my own research it seems that it is another "fluke" that does not have any bearing on the next pregnancies (maybe we should play a lottery?). Apparently Trisomy 16 is "responsible" for majority of first-trimester miscarriages. We are clear to try again in December but we decided not to wait. We won't be trying very hard this month but will definitely start in October. Third time is supposed to be a charm, right?
Friday, September 10, 2010
Another one
Spoke with a friend overseas this morning and got the latest news. A wife of my friend/former coworker is pregnant. We will be seeing them when we go there at the end of October. It will be tough because she is pretty much exactly when I would have been. Why do I have this bad luck of having EDD the same as friends who go on to have healthy babies???
It's been 1.5 years since we started TTC and I'd been pregnant for 20 weeks all together. That's 20 weeks of nausea, tiredness, and extreme stress. And I have nothing to show for it! Even people who weren't even thinking of trying when we started, already either are pregnant or have babies! And we can't even TTC now! I am happy for them but I am also so sad/pissed/disappointed, and tired of this whole f-ing process!
It's been 1.5 years since we started TTC and I'd been pregnant for 20 weeks all together. That's 20 weeks of nausea, tiredness, and extreme stress. And I have nothing to show for it! Even people who weren't even thinking of trying when we started, already either are pregnant or have babies! And we can't even TTC now! I am happy for them but I am also so sad/pissed/disappointed, and tired of this whole f-ing process!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Unfortunately
I am sorry to report that our little one didn't survive. I was supposed to be over 9 weeks, the baby measured 6w5d and "no cardiac activity was detected". Must have passed about 2 days after the first U/S two weeks ago. I am just glad I trusted my instinct and pushed for this U/S. Otherwise we would have been clueless for another 2-3 weeks. Ugh.
D&C on Tuesday at 1 PM. Hopefully will know if it was another MP or not by the end of September. Already told my boss I wasn't coming on Tuesday and Wednesday, he cried with me, sweet.
We are sad and disappointed. But not as much as last time, we know what's going to happen and the whole D&C etc. Hopefully we'll be able to start TTC again soon.
D&C on Tuesday at 1 PM. Hopefully will know if it was another MP or not by the end of September. Already told my boss I wasn't coming on Tuesday and Wednesday, he cried with me, sweet.
We are sad and disappointed. But not as much as last time, we know what's going to happen and the whole D&C etc. Hopefully we'll be able to start TTC again soon.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
9 weeks 2 days
A big day tomorrow. We are going to the "extra" ultrasound at 10 AM EST. According to my calculations I will be 9 weeks 3 days. I am going form terrified to happy. I have my list of things what I will do if it doesn't work out and read it from time to time when bad thoughts get to me.
DH is out on Fantasy Football draft party so I am going to be battling with my thoughts by myself tonight. Hopefully I'll just go to sleep at 7-8 (as I have been doing for the last several days) and wake up at 8 AM.
Ugh, if we do get bad news, I will have to have D&C during the long weekend. And the weekend will be REALLY long then. Sucks. Should have done the U/S earlier, so I could recover during the weekend already in case of the bad news.
Please pray for us tomorrow.
DH is out on Fantasy Football draft party so I am going to be battling with my thoughts by myself tonight. Hopefully I'll just go to sleep at 7-8 (as I have been doing for the last several days) and wake up at 8 AM.
Ugh, if we do get bad news, I will have to have D&C during the long weekend. And the weekend will be REALLY long then. Sucks. Should have done the U/S earlier, so I could recover during the weekend already in case of the bad news.
Please pray for us tomorrow.
Monday, August 30, 2010
8 weeks 6 days
A coworker figured me out last Thursday. We were on a 2h meeting and I felt pretty bad at some point and had to pull out some crackers. I also had a bottle of ginerale in my purse and would take a sip from time to time. After the meeting she said flat out: "You can tell me this is non of my business, but when I see a woman drinking gingerale and eating crackers I can think of only one thing!" I responded that it is very early and I would rather not talk about it. She understood. She is a very sweet and nice woman and I know she didn't mean wrong, so I feel like I was a bit too short with her. She and her husband are in their 60s and has no kids; I wonder if by choice or they had some issues.
U/S this Friday. Will be 9w3d. Already freaking out.
I am getting tired of my roots showing up. My old doc (from MP) didn't have anything against dying hair at all. My reg GYN said don't do it for the first few weeks (she wasn't very precise). And my current OB said absolutely not until 20w and even then only highlights. I am blond (really blond) and die my hair black (really black). Haven't done it for 2 months. Needless to say, I look totally horrible and don't know what to do.
U/S this Friday. Will be 9w3d. Already freaking out.
I am getting tired of my roots showing up. My old doc (from MP) didn't have anything against dying hair at all. My reg GYN said don't do it for the first few weeks (she wasn't very precise). And my current OB said absolutely not until 20w and even then only highlights. I am blond (really blond) and die my hair black (really black). Haven't done it for 2 months. Needless to say, I look totally horrible and don't know what to do.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
8 weeks 1 day
Woke up with boobs not hurting at all. It made me really sad because a few days before the horrible u/s last year I also felt like all my symptoms went away. So now I freak out whenever I feel a bit less nauseous or tired etc. They hurt a bit now, although not as much as sometimes. I hope it's only temporary.
My doc office called; apparently I have UTI and they will be faxing a prescription for antibiotics to my pharmacy. I googled it and they say pregnant women are prone to this due to hormonal changes. I am just not very confident about taking antibiotics during pregnancy, especially so early.
I also called my insurance yesterday and they said that as long as the ultrasound people bill the u/s under "maternity", it will be paid for. That's good news. I am scheduling my next u/s for Friday, Sept 3rd. I should be 9w3d then.
My doc office called; apparently I have UTI and they will be faxing a prescription for antibiotics to my pharmacy. I googled it and they say pregnant women are prone to this due to hormonal changes. I am just not very confident about taking antibiotics during pregnancy, especially so early.
I also called my insurance yesterday and they said that as long as the ultrasound people bill the u/s under "maternity", it will be paid for. That's good news. I am scheduling my next u/s for Friday, Sept 3rd. I should be 9w3d then.
Monday, August 23, 2010
7 weeks 6 days
I successfully kept down a 1/2 of steak last night although it required a lot from me. I also got some cottage cheese this morning. So finally some protein in my system. It's lunch time so we will see how this is going to work... lol
Thursday, August 19, 2010
OBGYN appointment
I went to the doc on Thursday and she said the measurements are only approximate, especially in the first weeks, and that if a different tech did it right away, the results would probably be different. Not to mention variations due to different equipment. She totally dismissed the 6w3d note and said as long as the tech didn't see the need to change the due date, she is totally not concerned.So it looks like the doctor's visit was totally unnecessary and I could have simply relied on the opinions of my online friends. :)
An interesting thing we learned though. When I asked for another u/s before the 12w scan, she said she has no problem with me going even once a week until then, but to check with the insurance. She said the u/s run up to $600-$700 without insurance, and most insurance plans cover only the necessary ones (first one and then a 12w scan, etc.) and emergency ones (bleeding, pain, etc.). She did give me two requests (for two u/s), one at 9 weeks (the one I asked for) and one at 11-12 weeks. I can use the 9 weeks one if I want to.
Another interesting thing was that she totally criticized my onco-gyno treatment of the MP! She said it was unnecessary to give me 9 shots of metho and he should have given me multi agent when two metho shots didn't bring hcg to 0. Of course I didn't agree with any of it, and mentioned that it looks like what he did was a standard procedure. Honestly, since almost a year on this board I've never heard of using mutli agent so soon. Plus my onco-gyno happens to be the Director of Division of Gynecologic Oncology at the George Washington University Medical Center in Washington DC. She may be a great OBGYN but in case of MP somehow I trust him to know what he is doing more than her. Based on her lack of open mindness (is that a word??) I am thinking of changing a doctor.
An interesting thing we learned though. When I asked for another u/s before the 12w scan, she said she has no problem with me going even once a week until then, but to check with the insurance. She said the u/s run up to $600-$700 without insurance, and most insurance plans cover only the necessary ones (first one and then a 12w scan, etc.) and emergency ones (bleeding, pain, etc.). She did give me two requests (for two u/s), one at 9 weeks (the one I asked for) and one at 11-12 weeks. I can use the 9 weeks one if I want to.
Another interesting thing was that she totally criticized my onco-gyno treatment of the MP! She said it was unnecessary to give me 9 shots of metho and he should have given me multi agent when two metho shots didn't bring hcg to 0. Of course I didn't agree with any of it, and mentioned that it looks like what he did was a standard procedure. Honestly, since almost a year on this board I've never heard of using mutli agent so soon. Plus my onco-gyno happens to be the Director of Division of Gynecologic Oncology at the George Washington University Medical Center in Washington DC. She may be a great OBGYN but in case of MP somehow I trust him to know what he is doing more than her. Based on her lack of open mindness (is that a word??) I am thinking of changing a doctor.
7 weeks 2 days
My joy didn't last too long. I read more on the internet and did more calculating. The baby usually measures small because of miscalculation of the conception date. Well, there is no possible way that the baby was conceived 4 days later in my case! This would mean that it was not only 4 days after I ovulated but also 6 days after the last time we had sex. And we all know by now that sperms can live only up to 5 days. So the chances are, well, pretty small.
I feel that I am going to loose this bean. Unfortunately. I have OBGYN appointment in 2 h so I will see what's her take on all this. Hopefully she will send me for another U/S next week. If this baby is not going to make it, I want to know asap! If she won't, I am changing the doctors.
There is still a tiny bit of hope in my heart, I teeny tiny one, that the baby will somehow "catch up" to the proper size next week.
I want to throw up.
I didn't go to work today, called in sick. I really need to see that doctor today and it was either today at 2 or in two weeks! I also have a very important meeting at 2, and if I didn't call in sick, there would be no way I could make it to the appointment. Plus, I have school on Friday night and all day Saturday and I know I will be exhausted. I just need a break. I still feel bad about lying, I hate to lie!
I feel that I am going to loose this bean. Unfortunately. I have OBGYN appointment in 2 h so I will see what's her take on all this. Hopefully she will send me for another U/S next week. If this baby is not going to make it, I want to know asap! If she won't, I am changing the doctors.
There is still a tiny bit of hope in my heart, I teeny tiny one, that the baby will somehow "catch up" to the proper size next week.
I want to throw up.
I didn't go to work today, called in sick. I really need to see that doctor today and it was either today at 2 or in two weeks! I also have a very important meeting at 2, and if I didn't call in sick, there would be no way I could make it to the appointment. Plus, I have school on Friday night and all day Saturday and I know I will be exhausted. I just need a break. I still feel bad about lying, I hate to lie!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
7 weeks 1 day - ultrasound
There is heartbeat! 111 bpm, that's good.
I was really nervous (see previous post) and ready for the bad news. I was very quiet when we got to the car and knew it was going to be hard. So we started talking about my pregnant friend, who is ready to give birth in 3 days. This loosen the tension and I was able to laugh and relax a bit. We got the the place at about 7:40. Filled out some paperwork and waited till about 8:05 to be called in. The ultrasound tech was ok. Not super enthusiastic but fairly warm. Asked if everything was ok so far. I said that it was, no bleeding or anything, but that after last time we both were realistic. She asked for details and I just told her that at 11 weeks u/s the baby had no HB and was just about 6weeks big. She said aww, and went right into it. She immediately said "So there is a baby with a heartbeat." I didn't see it and asked, semi-surprised: "There is??" She zoomed in and showed us a little blob with a beating heart. :) Then she turned up the speakers and we heard the little heart beating really fast. I did cry and squeezed M's hand really hard.
The tech said the baby is measuring between 6 and a half and 7 weeks (the u/s pic says CRL 0.61cm, 6w3d), and the due day according to my LMP is April 6. I told her that I should be 7w 1d according to my calculations but she said it's still perfectly normal and she can't change my due date.
The heart rate was 111 bpm. I already googled on the way to work that for 6-7 weeks the heart rate is between 100-110, so 111 seems just fine. Although some girls reported 150 and more around 7 weeks.
I decided that this is good news and I can finally break the news on the Molar Pregnancy board. I will probably also tell my friend who I am meeting tonight. I told her after we lost the baby last time, and I will tell her if anything happens this time. So it's not really fair to give only the bad news. Plus, if It's going to end, I want to take a full advantage of the good and pleasant stuff too! From now on - I am happy!
And here is where I remember the ecstatic one day and the completely devastated the next day from a year ago, and I change my mind. I won't be overly happy, I will be cautious, but I won't be paranoid anymore, either.
I was really nervous (see previous post) and ready for the bad news. I was very quiet when we got to the car and knew it was going to be hard. So we started talking about my pregnant friend, who is ready to give birth in 3 days. This loosen the tension and I was able to laugh and relax a bit. We got the the place at about 7:40. Filled out some paperwork and waited till about 8:05 to be called in. The ultrasound tech was ok. Not super enthusiastic but fairly warm. Asked if everything was ok so far. I said that it was, no bleeding or anything, but that after last time we both were realistic. She asked for details and I just told her that at 11 weeks u/s the baby had no HB and was just about 6weeks big. She said aww, and went right into it. She immediately said "So there is a baby with a heartbeat." I didn't see it and asked, semi-surprised: "There is??" She zoomed in and showed us a little blob with a beating heart. :) Then she turned up the speakers and we heard the little heart beating really fast. I did cry and squeezed M's hand really hard.
The tech said the baby is measuring between 6 and a half and 7 weeks (the u/s pic says CRL 0.61cm, 6w3d), and the due day according to my LMP is April 6. I told her that I should be 7w 1d according to my calculations but she said it's still perfectly normal and she can't change my due date.
The heart rate was 111 bpm. I already googled on the way to work that for 6-7 weeks the heart rate is between 100-110, so 111 seems just fine. Although some girls reported 150 and more around 7 weeks.
I decided that this is good news and I can finally break the news on the Molar Pregnancy board. I will probably also tell my friend who I am meeting tonight. I told her after we lost the baby last time, and I will tell her if anything happens this time. So it's not really fair to give only the bad news. Plus, if It's going to end, I want to take a full advantage of the good and pleasant stuff too! From now on - I am happy!
And here is where I remember the ecstatic one day and the completely devastated the next day from a year ago, and I change my mind. I won't be overly happy, I will be cautious, but I won't be paranoid anymore, either.
7 weeks 1 day - before ultrasound
It's 6:57 am, the U/S is at 8. It's dark and rainy. Sad weather, crying for our baby?
I can't even pray anymore. Since last September. I feel that I need to take whatever is given to me, I have nothing to say. Even now, while I am typing it, I see no point in typing it - isn't it obvious? We have nothing to say. It's God's will. All I can do now is put my head down, go to the ultrasound, and receive bad news. And cry. The weather is crying already.
I feel sick, like I'm going to throw up. But it's not morning sickness, it's the stress. Please be 8:30 already!
I am numb inside. If we get bad news, I don't think I am going to cry at all. Tears may come down my face but I won't cry.
It's 7.15, time to go.
I can't even pray anymore. Since last September. I feel that I need to take whatever is given to me, I have nothing to say. Even now, while I am typing it, I see no point in typing it - isn't it obvious? We have nothing to say. It's God's will. All I can do now is put my head down, go to the ultrasound, and receive bad news. And cry. The weather is crying already.
I feel sick, like I'm going to throw up. But it's not morning sickness, it's the stress. Please be 8:30 already!
I am numb inside. If we get bad news, I don't think I am going to cry at all. Tears may come down my face but I won't cry.
It's 7.15, time to go.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
7 weeks 0 days - the night before ultrasound
I couldn't sleep I was stressing so much. So I created a list of things I would do if we got bad news tomorrow. Something to show that life will go on and we will be fine. So here is the list:
1. Loose weight and get in shape. Possibly sign up for another race or start seriously play tennis.
2. Get a new fixer-upper house.
3. Go home (to Poland) for Christmas.
4. Redo bathroom in our current house by myself.
5. Finish renovating BIL's house.
6. Get PMP (Project Management Professional) Certification.
7. Use up Groupon for laser hair removal.
8. Dye hair!!! (Haven't dyed my hair in 6 weeks and I have awful blond roots showing!)
9. Get tooth implant.
Making this list made me feel much better.
1. Loose weight and get in shape. Possibly sign up for another race or start seriously play tennis.
2. Get a new fixer-upper house.
3. Go home (to Poland) for Christmas.
4. Redo bathroom in our current house by myself.
5. Finish renovating BIL's house.
6. Get PMP (Project Management Professional) Certification.
7. Use up Groupon for laser hair removal.
8. Dye hair!!! (Haven't dyed my hair in 6 weeks and I have awful blond roots showing!)
9. Get tooth implant.
Making this list made me feel much better.
35 dpo - 7 weeks
Tomorrow is a big day. Ultrasound. I will be 7 weeks 1 day then (7 weeks by LMP) so if we don't see the heartbeat, it's pretty much doomed. I am nauseous, don't know if this is more morning sickness or the stress. I am lucky my boss isn't here today because I cannot concentrate on anything.
7 weeks is a milestone, definitely. I would be celebrating if I knew that the baby was still alive. But I don't. Last time the baby passed at about 6 weeks 4 days. I wonder if (s)he had a heart beat. If we went for the suggested follow up u/s 10 days after the first one, it would have been too late already. So there was no way of knowing.
I read a beautiful pregnancy blog. She went to 10 weeks to find out that the baby stopped growing at just passed 8 weeks. I know that feeling. We were almost 11 weeks to find out that may body was cheating me for the last 5 weeks! She is pregnant again. Egg donor. About 32 weeks now. A boy. Happy ending.
There was a study done on the heart rate and chances of miscarriage: www.fetalultrasound.com/online/text/4-010.HTM. I studied it in detail and here are my conclusions:
1. If a baby between 6-10 mm has a heartbeat rate of more than 90 bpm, the chances of miscarriage are only 0.5%.
2. However, if the heartbeat is less than 90bpm in babies younger than 8 weeks, the chances for miscarriage are 80%.
3. Normal embryos start life with heartbeat of more than 85bpm.
I really hope that we see at least 10mm baby with a heartbeat of well over 100 bpm. Is this too much to ask? That's all we wanted to see last time, but we didn't, so apparently it is.
21 hours to go.
7 weeks is a milestone, definitely. I would be celebrating if I knew that the baby was still alive. But I don't. Last time the baby passed at about 6 weeks 4 days. I wonder if (s)he had a heart beat. If we went for the suggested follow up u/s 10 days after the first one, it would have been too late already. So there was no way of knowing.
I read a beautiful pregnancy blog. She went to 10 weeks to find out that the baby stopped growing at just passed 8 weeks. I know that feeling. We were almost 11 weeks to find out that may body was cheating me for the last 5 weeks! She is pregnant again. Egg donor. About 32 weeks now. A boy. Happy ending.
There was a study done on the heart rate and chances of miscarriage: www.fetalultrasound.com/online/text/4-010.HTM. I studied it in detail and here are my conclusions:
1. If a baby between 6-10 mm has a heartbeat rate of more than 90 bpm, the chances of miscarriage are only 0.5%.
2. However, if the heartbeat is less than 90bpm in babies younger than 8 weeks, the chances for miscarriage are 80%.
3. Normal embryos start life with heartbeat of more than 85bpm.
I really hope that we see at least 10mm baby with a heartbeat of well over 100 bpm. Is this too much to ask? That's all we wanted to see last time, but we didn't, so apparently it is.
21 hours to go.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
23 dpo = 5 weeks 2 days
I got the blood work results today. They called me early in the morning, while I was in a meeting (of course!). The nurse left a message: 5,397!!! It doubled! Yes!! Beautifully doubled, maybe a bit more then doubled, but not as much to worry about molar. I hope.
Since the hcg is over 2000 I scheduled an u/s. But I don't want an early one, like last time, just to find out that I am right on time but there is no baby yet. The u/s is scheduled for August 18th. I will be 7 weeks 1 day (or 7w0d LMP), so we will see the heartbeat if it's meant to be. I really hope it's meant to be.
Since the hcg is over 2000 I scheduled an u/s. But I don't want an early one, like last time, just to find out that I am right on time but there is no baby yet. The u/s is scheduled for August 18th. I will be 7 weeks 1 day (or 7w0d LMP), so we will see the heartbeat if it's meant to be. I really hope it's meant to be.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
22 dpo = 5 weeks 1 day
A better day. I woke up with boobs really sore. And I felt a little nauseous in the morning. And boobs are even more sore now, I can barely touch them. It makes me happy because I feel like there is hope this baby will stick.
I go to my MP board every day. I read almost everything but I don't post much. Recently I stopped reading the Recently Diagnosed as I felt like I didn't know any of the girls any more. So I stuck with the TTC. But since I got my BFP, I started reading Pregnant After MP and got a little sluggish with the TTC. I am definitely not ready to join the Pregnant... yet but since two girls just announced BFPs on the TTC, I wanted to do that to. But I didn't want to announce it publicly without telling my one friend from the board before hand. So I composed an email to her but just couldn't bring myself to send it. I know nobody reads this blog so I feel like nobody actually knows about my BFP. But if I tell someone, I'll jinx it. Even if it's a virtual friend.
As a matter of fact I tried to email this friend a few times already. Every time I changed my mind. So here is the message:
---
Sorry I fell off the face of the Earth. I actually have been reading the posts but every time I started writing, someone would come to my office and I had to close the browser. :) It's late now and nobody is here so let's try again. :)
I know you are O-ing about now and that it hurts, so I hope the pain stops right after the O. You said that last time the cyst went away on it's own, I hope this one will too. Actually, when you get pregnant, the cyst should stay and support pregnancy until the placenta picks up. So I actually hope it doesn't go away, and that it makes itself useful instead. :)
As for prenatal vitamins, yeah, they make them fancy. I have a few weeks supply left and am debating whether to go for refill or not. $45 is a steep price for just simple vitamins. Although they don't make me nauseous like the other ones did, so it may be worthy. I don't know about hemorrhoids, luckily I never had a problem with that. Would hemorrhoids be due to constipation? If so, you can probably figure out what in the pills makes you constipated and just see if any brand makes them without that ingredient.
Luteal phase of 13 days is perfect. Anything above 12 is good, since implantation doesn't happen until 10 days or so, the egg needs some time to attach. So with 13 you are totally fine.
Good for you with the boot camp. As far as I remember you are in the second one now. I'm jealous about the 2" off your waist! You go girl!
I am really scared to say it (or write it) for the fear of jinxing it but I feel I owe you this information. I got my BFP last week. I tested at 14 DPO, which is one day after AF due for me (also 13 days LP). I got a very strong positive on Clear Blue. Since I read so much about false positives with the blue ink tests, I retested with FRER digital and got a YES. So far we didn't tell anyone (except for my doctor) as I am PARANOID. I feel like the moment I hit send on this message (with the info abut BFP), everything will just go down hill. Therefore I am not going to send it.
---
Ugh! I hate being so paranoid! It's not fair to the baby! I feel like this baby is not getting any love. And if this is it's only time on this earth, (s)he deserves to be loved even more then one that survives! My baby is still an embryo and I am already a bad mother! :(
I have to change the subject. We went on a long bike ride with DH last night. We want to take advantage of good interest rates and buy a new house. We want to buy a fixer upper though, as we love seeing how the house changes from a beat up ugly to a beautiful one. I have worked on my BIL's fixer upper for the last year. Patiently driving 40 miles/50 min every Saturday morning, and 40 miles/50 min back every Saturday night.
Anyway, the house is almost ready (it looks beautiful) and I need a new project. I learned what I needed and now I want to apply it in my own home. So we rode around the neighborhood looking for the "diamond in the rough". :) When we got back home it was already dark. We reheated our leftover taco stuff and ate watching Friends rerun. We love having our basement back (long story). Than I took a nice long bath. A very pleasant evening. :)
I go to my MP board every day. I read almost everything but I don't post much. Recently I stopped reading the Recently Diagnosed as I felt like I didn't know any of the girls any more. So I stuck with the TTC. But since I got my BFP, I started reading Pregnant After MP and got a little sluggish with the TTC. I am definitely not ready to join the Pregnant... yet but since two girls just announced BFPs on the TTC, I wanted to do that to. But I didn't want to announce it publicly without telling my one friend from the board before hand. So I composed an email to her but just couldn't bring myself to send it. I know nobody reads this blog so I feel like nobody actually knows about my BFP. But if I tell someone, I'll jinx it. Even if it's a virtual friend.
As a matter of fact I tried to email this friend a few times already. Every time I changed my mind. So here is the message:
---
Sorry I fell off the face of the Earth. I actually have been reading the posts but every time I started writing, someone would come to my office and I had to close the browser. :) It's late now and nobody is here so let's try again. :)
I know you are O-ing about now and that it hurts, so I hope the pain stops right after the O. You said that last time the cyst went away on it's own, I hope this one will too. Actually, when you get pregnant, the cyst should stay and support pregnancy until the placenta picks up. So I actually hope it doesn't go away, and that it makes itself useful instead. :)
As for prenatal vitamins, yeah, they make them fancy. I have a few weeks supply left and am debating whether to go for refill or not. $45 is a steep price for just simple vitamins. Although they don't make me nauseous like the other ones did, so it may be worthy. I don't know about hemorrhoids, luckily I never had a problem with that. Would hemorrhoids be due to constipation? If so, you can probably figure out what in the pills makes you constipated and just see if any brand makes them without that ingredient.
Luteal phase of 13 days is perfect. Anything above 12 is good, since implantation doesn't happen until 10 days or so, the egg needs some time to attach. So with 13 you are totally fine.
Good for you with the boot camp. As far as I remember you are in the second one now. I'm jealous about the 2" off your waist! You go girl!
I am really scared to say it (or write it) for the fear of jinxing it but I feel I owe you this information. I got my BFP last week. I tested at 14 DPO, which is one day after AF due for me (also 13 days LP). I got a very strong positive on Clear Blue. Since I read so much about false positives with the blue ink tests, I retested with FRER digital and got a YES. So far we didn't tell anyone (except for my doctor) as I am PARANOID. I feel like the moment I hit send on this message (with the info abut BFP), everything will just go down hill. Therefore I am not going to send it.
---
Ugh! I hate being so paranoid! It's not fair to the baby! I feel like this baby is not getting any love. And if this is it's only time on this earth, (s)he deserves to be loved even more then one that survives! My baby is still an embryo and I am already a bad mother! :(
I have to change the subject. We went on a long bike ride with DH last night. We want to take advantage of good interest rates and buy a new house. We want to buy a fixer upper though, as we love seeing how the house changes from a beat up ugly to a beautiful one. I have worked on my BIL's fixer upper for the last year. Patiently driving 40 miles/50 min every Saturday morning, and 40 miles/50 min back every Saturday night.
Anyway, the house is almost ready (it looks beautiful) and I need a new project. I learned what I needed and now I want to apply it in my own home. So we rode around the neighborhood looking for the "diamond in the rough". :) When we got back home it was already dark. We reheated our leftover taco stuff and ate watching Friends rerun. We love having our basement back (long story). Than I took a nice long bath. A very pleasant evening. :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
21 dpo = 5w0d
Finally. I feel like pregnancy doesn't even start until 5 weeks. I want to be pregnant, I want it so much! But it's hard. My boobs are not feeling as sensitive as for the last few days. And I wasn't as tired last night, actually went to sleep around midnight, which is pretty normal for me. Is this bean going to stick? I don't have my blood work until Thursday, which is ridiculous, as they will be 7 days apart! Isn't blood test supposed to detect if hcg doubles every two days? Why do I not get to see whether it's doubling? The doctor want's to do u/s when it reaches 2000. It should be way over 2000 on Thursday according to my calculations. I really hope we will see a healthy pole next week (can a fetal pole even be healthy or unhealthy??). It's going to be hard to wait till the office calls me with the results on Friday though.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
19 dpo = 4w5d
I am so scared and so stressed. It's pretty horrible. When I was pregnant with MP I was just so happy, nothing bothered me. I was always in a good mood and smiling. I wasn't getting upset with DH or others. And now, look at me!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
16 dpo = 4 weeks (2 days)
Went to the doctor. She isn't OBGYN, just a regular GYN. She was the one who I went to a couple of months ago for my annual and PAP. I thought she was OB but she wasn't. She said to come back once I get my BFP and she will refer me to someone.
So I went back. First of all, the nurse asked for my LMP and said I was 4 weeks 1 day today. I told her that I temp and that I Oed a day earlier than I would if I had a PERFECT 28 day cycle with 14 days Luteal phase. But she didn't care. And than she changed her mind and said I was actually 4 weeks even! I am not really sure how she got that conclusion because I have exactly the same pregnancy wheel and with the "default settings" it says 4 weeks 1 day. Whatever. I know I am 4w2d.
The doctor came in with a big smile of her face; she is such a nice woman. She examined me and said I felt soft, which is a sign of pregnancy. She sent me for weekly blood work until my Hcg reaches 2000, and then I should get an u/s. She said no sushi, no soft cheeses, and no hair dying(! what am I going to do?! My roots are already showing!). No chemical hair removal too; I didn't even dare to ask for laser. I have a groupon for 6 rounds of laser for $120 and was planning to use it this fall. I think it will expire by the time the baby is born. But let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
So I went back. First of all, the nurse asked for my LMP and said I was 4 weeks 1 day today. I told her that I temp and that I Oed a day earlier than I would if I had a PERFECT 28 day cycle with 14 days Luteal phase. But she didn't care. And than she changed her mind and said I was actually 4 weeks even! I am not really sure how she got that conclusion because I have exactly the same pregnancy wheel and with the "default settings" it says 4 weeks 1 day. Whatever. I know I am 4w2d.
The doctor came in with a big smile of her face; she is such a nice woman. She examined me and said I felt soft, which is a sign of pregnancy. She sent me for weekly blood work until my Hcg reaches 2000, and then I should get an u/s. She said no sushi, no soft cheeses, and no hair dying(! what am I going to do?! My roots are already showing!). No chemical hair removal too; I didn't even dare to ask for laser. I have a groupon for 6 rounds of laser for $120 and was planning to use it this fall. I think it will expire by the time the baby is born. But let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
the unspeakable aka 2ww is over!
I was feeling uneasy last night when I was getting ready for bed. Next morning's temperature was going to tell me so much! It will probably fall dramatically, and my hopes will follow soon after.
I awoke to the much welcomed sound of alarm clock, 7 AM couldn't come soon enough! Bit on the thermometer. 10 seconds, 20, 30, 59, beep beep beep! 97.98F. Hmmm, not quite over 98, which would be a good sign, but not quite as low as 97. Bathroom. Hmmmm, no blood, no spotting, not even right on the cervix. Well, AF is probably on its way and it's just a matter of hours before she shows up. But not even tiny little pink drop, not even after a series of Kegels? Well, I do have two HPTs... Maybe I will try one only... No, I'll just wait till tomorrow. Let's not waste the test. OK, I'll try the cheap one, Clear Blue.
Pee in a cup, get the test, open it, dip it, and wait. Wait for 3 minutes. 30 seconds, 60 seconds, 90 seconds... wait, there is a line! OMG, there is a very strong, big fat vertical blue line! Calm down, blue ink tests tend to give false positives! Get the FRER, the digital! Open the test, dip it, and wait. Wait for 3 minutes. 30 seconds, 60 seconds, 90 seconds, nothing. 2 minutes, 3 minutes, nothing. Is the test broken? Oh no, now I'm not going to know! Wait... OMG, there it is! PREGNANT+!
14 dpo and such a fast clear line? What if it's another molar?
Happy? Surprised? Scared.
EDD April 2011. Almost exactly one year after. Will the story be the same?
I awoke to the much welcomed sound of alarm clock, 7 AM couldn't come soon enough! Bit on the thermometer. 10 seconds, 20, 30, 59, beep beep beep! 97.98F. Hmmm, not quite over 98, which would be a good sign, but not quite as low as 97. Bathroom. Hmmmm, no blood, no spotting, not even right on the cervix. Well, AF is probably on its way and it's just a matter of hours before she shows up. But not even tiny little pink drop, not even after a series of Kegels? Well, I do have two HPTs... Maybe I will try one only... No, I'll just wait till tomorrow. Let's not waste the test. OK, I'll try the cheap one, Clear Blue.
Pee in a cup, get the test, open it, dip it, and wait. Wait for 3 minutes. 30 seconds, 60 seconds, 90 seconds... wait, there is a line! OMG, there is a very strong, big fat vertical blue line! Calm down, blue ink tests tend to give false positives! Get the FRER, the digital! Open the test, dip it, and wait. Wait for 3 minutes. 30 seconds, 60 seconds, 90 seconds, nothing. 2 minutes, 3 minutes, nothing. Is the test broken? Oh no, now I'm not going to know! Wait... OMG, there it is! PREGNANT+!
14 dpo and such a fast clear line? What if it's another molar?
Happy? Surprised? Scared.
EDD April 2011. Almost exactly one year after. Will the story be the same?
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
To TTC or not to TTC
No more hoping; the Witch showed up this morning.
The first month TTC was hard, I'm glad it is over. When we started TTC before MP, the first month was the hardest. Then I somehow got used to the disappointment and didn't let myself get my hopes up. I actually never POAS after the first month. Not until I was actually pregnant with MP.
Next month will be a year since we got pregnant with the MP. I really wanted to be pregnant for this already. But I have mixed feelings about getting pregnant this month. If the new baby's EDD will be around the same time, I feel like our new memories will replace the memories of our first baby. And I don't want that.
But I want a baby! I'll be already 34 in a few weeks and it took us 6 months last time. I really hope I can have a baby before I turn 35. Am I going to feel bad that we 'wasted' a whole month? I know I will. I wish it was August already...
The first month TTC was hard, I'm glad it is over. When we started TTC before MP, the first month was the hardest. Then I somehow got used to the disappointment and didn't let myself get my hopes up. I actually never POAS after the first month. Not until I was actually pregnant with MP.
Next month will be a year since we got pregnant with the MP. I really wanted to be pregnant for this already. But I have mixed feelings about getting pregnant this month. If the new baby's EDD will be around the same time, I feel like our new memories will replace the memories of our first baby. And I don't want that.
But I want a baby! I'll be already 34 in a few weeks and it took us 6 months last time. I really hope I can have a baby before I turn 35. Am I going to feel bad that we 'wasted' a whole month? I know I will. I wish it was August already...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
First 2ww and already going bananas
This is the first month TTC, and for the first time since I got off the BC 4 months ago, I can't tell when I O-ed! How frustrating!
For the last four months the CM observations gave me the same signs of O as the position of the cervix and its firmness. The more CM, the softer and higher the cervix. Once the CM dried up, the cervix followed (went down and became firm again). All nice and clear for 4 months.
And than we decided to TTC. Since I never really observed the hard core eggwhite-like stuff, I decided to try Mucinex (see my previous journal entry). And that's where the troubles started.
I used an OPK on Sunday the 13th and it was positive. This would suggest that I will O on Monday or Tuesday (24-48 h later). And that's when the CM seemed the most fertile. But it wasn't any more eggwhite-like as usually, and it was definitely not as much of it as usually. And then it totally disappeared. So I thought I Oed during those days. BUT my cervix stayed low and soft for the next 2 days or so, which would indicate that I O-ed on the 17th! But by this time I had no CM at all.
So the question is, when did I O? On the 14/15, as the OPK and CM say? Or on the 17th, when my cervix seems to indicate? Am I 7-8 DPO or am I 5 DPO? Or did I O at all??
I have so much to do at work, but I can't get my mind off this subject! I want to POAS, but if I'm only 4 DPO, I know it won't show anything even if I turned out to be pregnant later on. Thank goodness I don't have any HPTs; I won't purchase one until I know it has a chance of showing something. But I can't wait another 10 days or even a week! I need a shot of sanity please!
For the last four months the CM observations gave me the same signs of O as the position of the cervix and its firmness. The more CM, the softer and higher the cervix. Once the CM dried up, the cervix followed (went down and became firm again). All nice and clear for 4 months.
And than we decided to TTC. Since I never really observed the hard core eggwhite-like stuff, I decided to try Mucinex (see my previous journal entry). And that's where the troubles started.
I used an OPK on Sunday the 13th and it was positive. This would suggest that I will O on Monday or Tuesday (24-48 h later). And that's when the CM seemed the most fertile. But it wasn't any more eggwhite-like as usually, and it was definitely not as much of it as usually. And then it totally disappeared. So I thought I Oed during those days. BUT my cervix stayed low and soft for the next 2 days or so, which would indicate that I O-ed on the 17th! But by this time I had no CM at all.
So the question is, when did I O? On the 14/15, as the OPK and CM say? Or on the 17th, when my cervix seems to indicate? Am I 7-8 DPO or am I 5 DPO? Or did I O at all??
I have so much to do at work, but I can't get my mind off this subject! I want to POAS, but if I'm only 4 DPO, I know it won't show anything even if I turned out to be pregnant later on. Thank goodness I don't have any HPTs; I won't purchase one until I know it has a chance of showing something. But I can't wait another 10 days or even a week! I need a shot of sanity please!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
TTC: Mucinex my a**!
This cycle was a failure. I never had a lot of CF, and now, after the MP, I have even less. This is our first month trying, so I decided to take Mucinex this time. I bought the "right" kind where Guaifenesin is the only active ingredient. I expected to O sometimes between Monday and Wednesday so I started taking it on Friday, about 4 days before my expected O day, as recommended. I immediately saw that my CM became more stretchy. I was very excited, because this type of CM I experienced only right around the O, so now it could only get better.
It worked great for two first days. I kept taking it twice a day but then the amount of CM started slowly decreasing. By Monday my underwear was dry and clean, and I observed only a very a small amount when checked internally. It was pretty stretchy, but it was just a little! Same on Tuesday. It's Wednesday now, my cervix feels soft and open, and positioned high (all three are great signs of O being really close), and I have virtually NO CM AT ALL, not even when I check internally!! WTH?
I decided not to take the stupid thing this morning and hope my body will produce at least some CM. What a bummer!!
It worked great for two first days. I kept taking it twice a day but then the amount of CM started slowly decreasing. By Monday my underwear was dry and clean, and I observed only a very a small amount when checked internally. It was pretty stretchy, but it was just a little! Same on Tuesday. It's Wednesday now, my cervix feels soft and open, and positioned high (all three are great signs of O being really close), and I have virtually NO CM AT ALL, not even when I check internally!! WTH?
I decided not to take the stupid thing this morning and hope my body will produce at least some CM. What a bummer!!
Monday, June 7, 2010
The time has come (to TTC)
June is the first month DH and I decided to actively TTC. On June 28th it will be 6 months since I reached negative, but we think a couple of weeks won't make much difference. :) So assuming my HCG will be below 2 this Friday, we will be BD-ing like crazy next week. :)
I actually skipped my BW last month. When I went the nurse wouldn't do it because it was a week before a full month passed from my last BW. Then I was out of the country, and then I started a new job... So I am going this Friday and I really hope I am still negative. I also hope this is the last time I hope I am negative, and from now on I will only hope that I am positive. :)
I read TCOYF book a couple of times while waiting, and I feel I know my body so much more now. I don't temp but I relying on other signs (mostly cervical fluid and cervical position) I have been able to pinpoint the O day pretty well for the last few months. I am going to start Mucinex on Friday because I never had much egg-white quality CF, and I am not a big fan of Pre-Seed (although we actually used it when I got pregnant with the MP).
I am going to O sometimes between next Monday and Wednesday. And then - the dreaded 2ww... I am very excited but also scared and anxious. I really would like this baby to have EDD before or on the EDD of the MP. And this means that I need to get pregnant either this or next month. Nothing like a self-imposed pressure. :)
I actually skipped my BW last month. When I went the nurse wouldn't do it because it was a week before a full month passed from my last BW. Then I was out of the country, and then I started a new job... So I am going this Friday and I really hope I am still negative. I also hope this is the last time I hope I am negative, and from now on I will only hope that I am positive. :)
I read TCOYF book a couple of times while waiting, and I feel I know my body so much more now. I don't temp but I relying on other signs (mostly cervical fluid and cervical position) I have been able to pinpoint the O day pretty well for the last few months. I am going to start Mucinex on Friday because I never had much egg-white quality CF, and I am not a big fan of Pre-Seed (although we actually used it when I got pregnant with the MP).
I am going to O sometimes between next Monday and Wednesday. And then - the dreaded 2ww... I am very excited but also scared and anxious. I really would like this baby to have EDD before or on the EDD of the MP. And this means that I need to get pregnant either this or next month. Nothing like a self-imposed pressure. :)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
How to get your mind off the MP
I was laid off at the beginning of April. It was a start-up, so didn't get severance or anything. Have been looking actively for almost a month now (first week of April I went through a training for a PMP certification, which would increase my market value).
Anyway, I'm still looking. It's killing me; I really didn't think it would take so long. I get responses to the resumes sent, get phone calls, interviews, but no offers yet. I really hope something will come up soon, I am such a nerve wrack these days.
DH and I make almost equal $$, so with my salary gone we are really behind. We probably live in a too expensive house if we can't afford it from one salary. It's a small town-home though, 2 bedrooms, about 1100sf. I guess the location makes it so expensive.
I am cleared to TTC in July, but back in February/March DH and I actually decided to stop any bc in April and see what happens. But now, with me out of workforce this is out of the question. I really do not want to announce I am pregnant a month after getting a new job.
One thing for sure, this took my mind off of worrying about molar coming back all together. I guess there is only so much worry-cells in our body, and mine are all used by the fear of not getting a job. Although I did have a dream last night that my result came back at 8, and they were asking me if there is any possibility I was pregnant. And then I woke up, thanks God! :)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Celebrating EDD
Today our baby would have been born. I would be holding our tiny little miracle in my arms. Kissing his cute little nose.
I am ok. Better than I thought I would be. Maybe because of all the things that have been happening recently, I didn't even have a chance to think about it too much.
At the beginning of March I learned that our company is not going to make it in the form we were in (it's a start up with 24 employees) and I am being laid off as of April 1. Since I had to finish up so much stuff before I left, and was training for the Cherry Blossom 10-miler, I haven't gotten a chance to really start searching for a new job. Sent resume to a few friends and got two interviews from that. I already got a negative answer from the first one, waiting to hear about the second.
DH is on a business trip in Vegas this week. He is actually on a plane at the moment, on his way there. And I am celebrating what would be the birth of our little angel, with an espresso martini and a piece of leftover Easter cake from last week.
I cried a little in the church today, when a very pregnant lady sat right next to me. And then I decided that I want it to be a happy day. I love my baby, and I will never forget him (I still think it was a boy even though there is no way of telling). But I want to have happy memories, not sad ones. I want to remember how happy we were when we found out about the pregnancy, and how happy I felt every day after (until the worst day of my life came).
So I am drinking my espresso martini and thinking that life would have been really hard with me loosing a job in the 9th month of pregnancy. I used to make almost as much as DH and loosing one income is going to be very hard on us. If this would last for more than a few months we may have to sell our house (with a huge loss!) and start renting.
My mom always says that everything happens for a reason. I hate that saying!
Monday, February 22, 2010
WHY every time I think of her I cry
So my friend is pregnant. She is officially 14 weeks as of last Friday. We already knew for a while; well, maybe not knew but definitely suspected. She stopped drinking a while ago, and recently would abruptly change the subject whenever anyone mentioned a baby or a pregnancy. It was clear.
We got pregnant before them and encouraged them to start trying so we could be pregnant together. Now she is pregnant and I am not.
I am happy for them, very, very happy, I really am! So WHY every time I think of her I cry?!
Is it because she is already 14 weeks, and I don't even know how it feels? Is it because she will read my pregnancy books even before I will? Is it because they will already have their baby when we only will be able to start trying?
It should be me! I should be 14 weeks, heck, I should be 33 weeks now! I should be deciding on the baby's name! I should be the one who answers all the pregnancy questions, not the one who asks!
I thought I was over it. I don't cry when I see babies on TV anymore. I look at my pregnant cousins pictures and smile. I even went to another friend's baby shower and wasn't sad at all. So WHY every time I think of her I cry?!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The 'usually' days and the 'sometimes' days
I am usually fine talking about babies. Especially sharing au-pair stories (I was one) with my coworker who has a 12-months old or my boss who has an 11-months old. When should I start feeding him adult food? Is it ok if he still doesn't walk? What do I do when he "pushes my buttons"? Even though I do not have one of my own, I feel very passionate about raising children.
I am usually not so bad seeing pregnant women, especially friends and family members. The happiness just shines from them and they look so cute in their little pregnancy blouses. Or speculating with other friends whether so-and-so is pregnant just not telling yet, as she wasn't drinking at the Super Bowl party.
I am usually ok looking at ultrasound pictures. Trying to figure out where the heck the baby's head is and then seeing the subtitle: "the leg". :) Or the 3D ones, where babies look like little play-dough creatures, with their smooth little noses and chubby little hands.
But that's usually. And sometimes it's all different.
Sometimes every glance at a pregnant woman makes me think that I will never be able to feel what she feels. The morning sickness, the back pain, the weight gain, the tiredness. The happiness.
Sometimes the bare mention of an ultrasound brings up memories from the doomed day we found out that our baby was dead. The confusion on my husband face and the tears in his eyes. The hospital, D&C, and the weeks of crying after.
Somtimes I think that the 6 months wait will never end. And even if it does, I will get a HCG rise on my last blood draw and will need more chemo. And even when I make it through to the end of the wait, we will never get pregnant again because of my age. And even if we somehow manage to get pregnant after months or years of trying, it will be another molar because my eggs are all messed up anyway.
And then I come online, all feeling sorry for myself, and read. And I see the stories of girls loosing their babies at 20 or 30 weeks or even later. Girls dealing with HCG rising, going through hard core chemo for several months, switching to even more hard core chemo, having crazy side effects. Or the ones who are finally negative but now are sentenced to not 6 but 12 long months of waiting. And I feel that I should be actually thankful and happy because I got out easily! But it's so hard to feel happy on the sometimes day.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
UGH
First, my cousin's wife posted on FB a beautiful picture of herself with her big belly (she is due in April, 3 days after my MP EDD).
Then, another cousin posted on FB a 3D ultrasound picture of their little girl, due in May.
And then my coworker announced that his wife is pregnant due in June. I will be seeing her on another coworker's wedding in April, a few days after my MP EDD, all pregnant and round. They will have the baby BEFORE we can even TTC!!
UGH...
Then, another cousin posted on FB a 3D ultrasound picture of their little girl, due in May.
And then my coworker announced that his wife is pregnant due in June. I will be seeing her on another coworker's wedding in April, a few days after my MP EDD, all pregnant and round. They will have the baby BEFORE we can even TTC!!
UGH...
Friday, February 5, 2010
The last six months of my life story told in numbers
This is the story of the last six months of my life told in numbers. It wasn't easy but (hopefully) it is over.
9/17/2009 - 10w6d, baby measuring 6w, :(
9/18 - D&C. No suspicion of Molar Pregnancy.
Bleed for about 4 days, spotted for another week.
10/05 - follow up appointment - everything looking good, cleared to TTC in December
10/30 - still no AF, positive HPT
11/04 - Hcg 373, U/S showed 3.5cm tissue missed, found out that it was Partial Molar Pregnancy. My hcg levels should have been monitored until they go down to 0, but they haven't been, because nobody suspected Molar Pregnancy. MP may cause cancer; I will probably go under chemo therapy. Either way, we'll have to wait to TTC for several months, maybe even a year!
11/10 - Gynecologist-oncologist appointment.
I was given a choice of another D&C (which may cause scarring of uterus causing problems getting pregnant again) or chemo. We chose chemo. I got my 1st Methotrexate shot. I will have those weekly, followed by weekly blood tests.
11/13 - Hcg 220
11/17 - 2nd Metho shot
11/20 - Hcg 51
11/25 - AF
11/24 - 3rd Metho shot
11/30 - Hcg 19
12/1 - 4th Metho shot
12/7 - Hcg 19 (freaking out)
12/8 - 5th Metho shot
12/11 - Hcg 15
12/15 - 6th Metho shot
12/18 Hcg 11
12/22 - 7th Metho shot
12/23 - AF
12/28 - Hcg 2 - I AM NEGATIVE (big drop correlated with AF)
12/29 - 8th Metho shot
1/4/2010 - Hcg 2
1/5 - 9th (LAST) Metho shot
1/11 - Hcg 3 (freaking out)
1/18 - Hcg < 2
1/25 - Hcg < 2
2/1 - Hcg < 2
2/2 - Dr. appointment, moved to monthly blood tests, cleared to TTC in July 2010
9/17/2009 - 10w6d, baby measuring 6w, :(
9/18 - D&C. No suspicion of Molar Pregnancy.
Bleed for about 4 days, spotted for another week.
10/05 - follow up appointment - everything looking good, cleared to TTC in December
10/30 - still no AF, positive HPT
11/04 - Hcg 373, U/S showed 3.5cm tissue missed, found out that it was Partial Molar Pregnancy. My hcg levels should have been monitored until they go down to 0, but they haven't been, because nobody suspected Molar Pregnancy. MP may cause cancer; I will probably go under chemo therapy. Either way, we'll have to wait to TTC for several months, maybe even a year!
11/10 - Gynecologist-oncologist appointment.
I was given a choice of another D&C (which may cause scarring of uterus causing problems getting pregnant again) or chemo. We chose chemo. I got my 1st Methotrexate shot. I will have those weekly, followed by weekly blood tests.
11/13 - Hcg 220
11/17 - 2nd Metho shot
11/20 - Hcg 51
11/25 - AF
11/24 - 3rd Metho shot
11/30 - Hcg 19
12/1 - 4th Metho shot
12/7 - Hcg 19 (freaking out)
12/8 - 5th Metho shot
12/11 - Hcg 15
12/15 - 6th Metho shot
12/18 Hcg 11
12/22 - 7th Metho shot
12/23 - AF
12/28 - Hcg 2 - I AM NEGATIVE (big drop correlated with AF)
12/29 - 8th Metho shot
1/4/2010 - Hcg 2
1/5 - 9th (LAST) Metho shot
1/11 - Hcg 3 (freaking out)
1/18 - Hcg < 2
1/25 - Hcg < 2
2/1 - Hcg < 2
2/2 - Dr. appointment, moved to monthly blood tests, cleared to TTC in July 2010
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