Reflections

I love feeding my baby in the middle of the night. He wakes up and cries with his eyes closed. When I pick him up, he clings to me with his whole little body. I love feeling his tinyness. His little hand squeezing my fingers as he is drinking his milk. His teeny little ears and chicks. I love watching him and kissing his face. It's my time with my baby. And nobody will ever be able to take it away from me. I hope this feeling will stay in my heart forever.

Diarrhea in infants

When your baby is sick, it's tough. I feel like I am fighting a constant battle. With doctors, my mom, and myself/google. Everyone has opinions, and everyone means well. But not everyone is right at the same time.

Parker has been sick with UTI for quite a while now but we only found out about 10 days ago. He got antibiotic which is giving him diarrhea. We are afraid of (1) dehydration (been there, done that, not fun) and (2) whether the antibiotic is being absorbed in his little body, since everything else he takes seems to run right through him.

They (doctors and the internet) say that diarrhea is a common side effect of antibiotic in infants. Doctors recommend not giving him ANYTHING but current formula. Internet says electrolyte drinks are in order as well as switching him to soy formula, which is supposed to be easier on his sensitive tummy. My mom is absolutely against switching formulas but wants to make his poop thicker by giving him rice cereal or other rice derivative. She also suggests giving him some water/baby tea to replenish the loss of liquids.

And I? I have no freaking clue! I think it's logical to add some fluids, whether it's water or electrolyte drinks, as with so much loss he may eventually get dehydrated, and we don't want to wait till that happens. I also thought switching to soy formula would be a good idea but I am not certain about it. I do not see how switching formula may be worse than introducing new food (rice) to his little tummy all together, and think both options should be eliminated. But what do I know?

In the meantime my baby is suffering and I don't know how to help him. And I don't want to make him suffer even more, so I am probably going to take the doctors advise and wait it out, doing nothing.

Actually, they recommended cutting his dose of antibiotic in half, which may solve the problem at least partially.

Summary

The BF is still a challenge. A different challenge now though. He latches on really nicely now but it still looks like he is not getting enough. He slept very peaceful when we bottle fed him pumped milk. Whenever we rely on the breast, he moves around a lot during sleep and wakes up often. We are still debating whether to switch him to a bottle. The breast is just so convenient! If we do, I would still like to stick to the breast milk, so the pumping becomes a hassle. Plus, they say if you exclusively breast feed for the first 3 weeks or so, the baby is likely to want to nurse in addition to taking the bottle. This would mean that I don't have to pump at night when I go back to work, I can just nurse him. Which would make a big difference.

I do want to breast feed though. For various reasons. The biggest, I think, is to get some kind of control over this whole situation. I feel like stuff has been happening to me lately, and that I have no control over it. Beginning with the lost pregnancies, to the c section, then him getting dehydrated. I feel like I have no grasp on anything and just need to take what's given to me. I don't like this feeling. Maybe I am being a bit out there but that's how I feel.

Parker sleeps 5-6 hours at night and worries us. Since he is not gaining enough, they told us to wake him every 2-3 hours for feeding. We tried the night before last and spent 2.5 hours trying to keep him awake and feed him, and he only ate 1oz! It was horrible didn't make any sense, and I will never do it again. He probably would have waken up on his own by that time and happily drunk the milk.

Parker got used to falling asleep at my breast to the point that even the day we gave him a bottle, he wanted the breast to fall asleep. Tonight it has been difficult for him to fall asleep though. I had a 2 week check up of my incision (everything looks good, btw) and it threw everything off. He was due for eating and I couldn't give him until we came home. So he was awake and hungry longer than usually. Then he would fall asleep during eating but never stayed asleep for long because he was hungry. Ugh. He is asleep now, has been for 2 hours. I'm planning on changing him after 4 h of sleep to see if he wakes up and eats. But if he doesn't, I'm not going to bother him. I guess.

Today Parker's umbilical cord fell off, too. We will probably be giving him a bath tomorrow.

We took Parker for 10 min in front yard and once we ate on a back yard with him sleeping in a bassinet. But no stroller time yet.

As I mentioned, per doctor, my incision is healing well. Although I won't be able to take a bath until Parker is 8 weeks! This sucks as I love taking baths. Also, I am still bleeding. Less than a week ago but still.

All right, this may be the longest post ever so I better finish. :) Just one more thing. I got my parents plane tickets tonight! They are coming in three weeks, on October 12. My dad is staying till the end of October and my mom till second week of December. I can't wait!!

Ups and downs

We are having hard time with feeding. Ever since Park got dehydrated I am paranoid. We went for a check up on Mon and he already re-gained 8 oz. So we are 7 oz short. We were supposed to come again on Wednesday, to check his weight at 2 weeks mark, but Marc and I decided to cancel. We don't want to drag him in a car and expose him to all the viruses and bacterias at the doctor's office. And he hasn't gained all back anyway (he would have had to gain 7 oz in 2 days, which is pretty much impossible). We got a newborn scale (it's coming today) and will weight him ourselves. We may go back on Thu or Fri. Otherwise she would have made us come back on Fri the third time.

I would really like to stick to breast milk, either breast feeding or bottle feeding. It's getting hard though. He obviously isn't (or at least wasn't) getting enough from the breast (as he lost so much weight) so we started supplementing with pumped milk. Now he doesn't like to eat from the breast any more and I am having hard time expressing enough milk using the pump, so at the end, he may be getting even less now than he did breast fed (everyone says babies get out more from the breast than the pumps).

I also got a UTI/kidney infection. The doc says that it's probably stress based. I agree, I haven't had one when I was prego, which is the time you are much more prone to get it, and I got it now. My kidney hurt so badly I could hardly walk on Tue. But it went away as soon as I got my first dose of antibiotic. I am feeling so much better now!

Back at the hospital, again

Parker lost some weight (actually a lot, almost a pound!) and got dehydrated. Probably from me not drinking enough water and eating poorly. We had to got to ER on Wednesday and ended up in hospital. We just came back late last night. He had dark orange/almost red pee and they suspected UTI. Poor thing got catheter, IV, and spinal tap! :( He is fine now though.

We had some issues with latching too but we are better now after consulting with a lactation spec at the hospital this Thursday. She showed me how to help him latch and also advised to get him close to the bare breast as soon as he wakes up. We used to change him and play with him first and only start feeding when he gets cranky. She said at this point he is not very patient any more as he is super hungry. As soon as we started doing this, we got much better.

I am also pumping about 2x day. 1oz per boob is a good quantity, I was told. That's exactly how much i get, too.

Got to go feed my little one. :)

At home

Marc had to run and get a few more baby items from Buy Buy Baby. I never bought any newborn t-shirts and have only onsies. But we need t-shirts while he has the umbilical cord still not healed.

Marc also got a diaper pail kind of thing. We haven't started on the cloth yet (not ready to do this much laundry after c section). And he got one of those swipe and read thermometers. Parker felt a bit warm to me today and all we had was a rectal one, which is good but I would rather restrain from using it to only when really necessary.

I have to say C section is tough. The surgery itself is not bad but now I feel pretty useless. I can hardly walk and getting out of bed is horrible. I feel like I'm going to tear my stitches all the time and I'm all swollen from my belly button down. I can't believe there are women who actually sign up for that.

2 days

We are going home tonight. I have 'staples' on the outside of my belly instead of stitches (stitches on the inside layers, of course) and they will be taking them off at 5. We can leave right after. Can't wait too!

BF is going well. Parker latched on right after they gave him to me (about 30 min after his birth). Then we had some trouble yesterday when he wouldn't eat. Then last night he ate beautifully and today he did too. I now know that he needs longer breaks, 3-4h, instead of 2-3h limited by hospital.

PARKER IS HERE!

Parker Tadeusz Scott is here! Born on September 7, 2011 at 6:47 pm, 7 lbs 15 oz, 21 inches.

Ended up with C section, they won't deliver breech naturally. :( Everything went smooth though. I love watching Marc holding him. :) Pictures soon.

40w3d: Let's have this baby!

12:20 PM:
On my way home from the midwifes office. Apparently I'm 9.5 cm dilated. She couldn't believe it and even called another midwife to check me and confirm. She is coming home with us now and had me call the birth assistant. We will try nipple stimulation and if this doesn't work, she will break my water.

5:30 PM:
Looks like he turned and is head up. Heading to hospital now. :(

40w3d: Still waiting

My contractions subsided all together, haven't had one since 8 am. It's possible that it will stop for a few days. Going to see my midwife at noon. I will ask her to do internal to see where I am. I mentally need to know I made progress after 24+ of labor!

It looks like we are starting from scratch here. I'm starting to get mild contractions again. Timing them as I'll want to tell the midwife at 12. Going to take a shower now, will see which way it will push me. :)

40w2d: Not yet... :(

16.5 h of labor and everything slowed down. My midwife said I may be one of those 2 day labor people. I am definitely at least 3 cm, maybe more, as I felt it myself when I was laboring in the aqua doula. But they (midwifes) don't come that early unless something is wrong so I don't know for sure. Now the contractions are 20-30 min apart. :/ They said the goal now is to rest. If it picks up, great, if not, we will wait. The contractions are pretty painful, so the fact that they are getting more spaced out is really annoying. How long is it going to last? I am getting really tired. :(

40w2d: Starting?

I went to bed last night about midnight but couldn't sleep because of back pain. Then I realized the pain was moving to front. Started timing and turned out I was having contractions every 10-8 min. Woke Marc up and called midwife. She said to try to sleep and call in 2h. Couldn't sleep, cleaned up the upstairs. Called again. She said everything seems normal and try to sleep again because I'll be tired later.

I'm taking a bath now and trying to relax. Contractions every 4-5 min, not very painful yet but getting there. Looks like Parker will be Sept 6 baby!

40w1d: Still nothing

My "real" contractions are now gone. None since about two days ago. But I think I may have had the nesting thing yesterday. Cleaned up the shed, dining room, and threw a BBQ for 10. :)

39w6d: Tomorrow?

I'm starting to have some 'real' contractions (as opposed to Braxton hicks). They hurt a bit but they are rare and very irregular so far. I hard 5 or 6 yesterday and one last night. Perhaps it's a sign that Parker will come right on time, i.e. tomorrow?

I still want to go to IKEA today to get a shelf for my living room and baskets for Park's new bookcase, and to Buy Buy Baby to return the rest of the stuff I have to return and get a car mirror and a few other things. We will see how it goes.

39w5d: Quick update

My ticker says: 39 weeks 5 days pregnant. About 2 days to go." I still can't believe it! After all this, I am so happy! I spent last Labor Day waiting for a D&C with a dead baby in my tummy. I still miss my two previous babies. Parker is very much alive and I love when he reminds me of that, even though sometimes it means a foot in the rib cage. :)

I haven't posted for a while and now have a lot to say.

Today is my Friday off. I cleaned up my office yesterday and took my "travel" computer home. I am ready not to go back on Tuesday. :)

We finally put the rug back in the basement, as it is completely dry and doesn't smell any more (details later). :) We also ordered a new rug for our living room (the one that used to be there went to Parker's room). I can't wait until it gets here.

More later, have to get in the shower now. Having lunch with G in 25 min!

------

It's 7.30 pm now, I am back. Just wanted to report that we got and hang the mobile over the crib. It's a simple one, Flensted Elephant Party Mobile, and it looks absolutely gorgeous! I also figured out what to put in the empty space next to the crib: B&W pictures! I have two large white frames left (the question remains: where are they?). I want to put one of my pregnancy pictures and one of DH with Parker (after P is born, of course). Since they will be B&W, and located in the very opposite corner of the room, they will provide a nice balance for the b&W guitar over the glider. I am so excited! Pictures to follow.

Also, I have been having very irregular but somewhat painful contractions today. I must have had about 5 or 6 all total, so not even once an hour. I don't think this means anything other than the fact that I am coming close to my due date. I am hoping to finish everything on my list tomorrow and Sunday, and that Parker comes on Monday. That would be PERFECT (although I really don't believe it will really happen in such a convenient way). :)

38w3d: Earthquake aftermath

Parker's first earthquake occurred yesterday in the early afternoon. We were in the office, clicking on the keyboard as usually, when the whole building started to shake. I grabbed my monitor as it was almost falling but since the shaking didn't stop, I just dove under my desk! It was pretty scary, I have to admit, and now I am not so sure about living in California.

Parker has been so cute lately! He is sticks his feet/knees out on the top right hand side of my belly; I love this feeling. I usually rub his little foot a bit when he does that. I love him so much already and now really can't wait for his arrival.

My belly is pretty huge by now and I can hardly fit in any of my shirts, even the maternity ones. I didn't gain any more weight though, for the last 3 weeks. The midwifes don't seem to worry though. DH and I saw a youtube video a while ago where a doctor (or a midwife, actually) said that stabilizing weight usually happens 2-3 weeks before the delivery. This would mean that we are getting close!

Walking is getting hard because of the pelvic pressure, and laying down is no better, not to mention trying to sit on anything other than an office chair.

Our nursery is almost ready. We have painted the stripes on the walls, hang the picture and the shelf, and attached the changing station to the dresser as of yesterday. We are still waiting for the glider, and have to steam clean the rug before we bring it up from the living room.

We also are done with the deck, finally. It's not perfect, but it is close enough. DH put together the table and we set it up outside yesterday. It looks gorgeous and we can't wait to have our first meal out there, perhaps tomorrow. Here is a pic.



Our tenant quit on us unexpected, and we had to search for another renter. On one hand it's good, she was very needy and bothered us about every little thing. She locked herself out twice (last time two day ago), and didn't seem very grateful for help. The timing was not good, of course, but it looks like we may be done searching. We are meeting a potential renter tonight and hope to have the lease signed by the week's end.

37w1d: Full term, no kidding

I am feeling good, for the most part. But I have been experiencing what I believe is referred to as 'pelvic pressure', since Saturday. It makes it a bit painful to walk so I am glad I have my midwife appointment tomorrow and will be able to ask about it. I also have been having A LOT of Braxton Hicks over the weekend, to the point that I downloaded a contractions tracking app on my iphone and started tracking them. As I expected, they are all over the place, not at all regular, so I don't think they mean anything. Although it definitely makes me happy to know that my body is getting ready.

I also had a strange, out of the blue, "attack" of RLS at work this afternoon. It hasn't happened since the first trimester and I was very surprised. I stretched and stretched and then felt so tired I had to close the door and take a short nap. This helped and I feel much better now. I am jealous of the women who go on maternity leave before their babies come around, though. I wish I could just stay at home and veg out on a couch, or at least be able to finish nursery when I actually have some energy in me.

Speaking of the nursery, we have made a great progress this weekend. DH finally installed the new fan, and I am super proud of him. He is not a handy guy who enjoys fixing stuff, he never liked to do things around the house. And the fan was not an easy one to start with. Especially that our 1939 house doesn't have a standard, color coded wires. So an extensive research and trial and error sessions needed to be performed before the darn thing was up and running. DH was so happy with the effect (and so satisfied that he actually did it all by himself), that he pushed for purchasing another fan, for our bedroom, and is going to install it next weekend. :)

I also finished up the shelves in the bookcase and put away all Parker's books and toys. He's got so many books already! A big chunk of them are my birthday present books, in Polish/English. I got them from my dear friend in NC. I am super excited about those; Marc will be able to read the stories to Parker in English and I'll get to read to him the same stories in Polish! So much easier to "get" what everything means. I also think they will help Marc pick up some Polish.

A big plan for tonight is to start cooking. I want to be prepared for when Parker comes, so we don't have to stress about what we are going to eat (it's always a big issue for us now). I am planning on making Lecho and Mushroom Gulasz. We can eat those with rice or bread and they are easy to heat up. I don't like freezing food (for some reason we never get to defrost any pre-cooked dinners and end up throwing them out) so I am planning on putting them in jars and storing them in the fridge for a month or so. I bought (almost) all the ingredients on Sunday, but I forgot the big one - tomatoes. We are going to stop by and get them on the way home, and pick up some jars from Target too. I am very excited, although I know I will feel super tired tonight.

36w2d: Midwife appointment

Had my midwife appointment today with an internal check. I'm not dilated yet but I am about 50% effaced and station -3, so it is starting slowly. I thought something has started as I have been having slight period like cramps lately (we learned on our Bradley class that this is how you feel your cervix 'working'). when I told DH yesterday on the way home, he was so excited!

I'm not going to have any more internals until 41 weeks (unless I want to) so we will see. I also got 'swabbed' for GBS/group B strep and had my blood drawn for the last time. From now on I also go every Tuesday.

P is still head down and I officially need to start counting his movements (every other day until the due date and then every day).

We were supposed to get our oxygen tank already, but it turns out that there are some others who are due still in Aug and still don't have theirs. I have to call them on Thursday and we will be most likely picking it up on Friday.

I heard from several sources, and the midwife confirmed, that if there is any prediction about how your labor is going to be, it is to base it on your mom's experience. So I talked to my mom recently and found out that all three of us (my two sisters and I) were induced. I knew I was two weeks late but didn't realize all three of us were. And didn't know about the induction. So if there is any truth to the prediction, we still have plenty of time to work on the nursery! ;) So we discussed the plan in case I do go over the due date. They will do another internal check at 41 weeks and see where we are. If nothing happens at 41.5 weeks, we start talking about some help. First castrol oil, if that doesn't help, Cervidil. Cervidil can be applied by the midwifes so we would still plan on home birth. But at this point I would also have to schedule a hospital induction for closer to 42 weeks (which would be around Sep 18, but since it is a Sunday, it would most likely happen on the Fri 16 or Mon 19). The midwife said that even if I go to labor the day I am supposed to be induced, I can still deliver at home, which is nice. I really hope I won't have to go to the hospital!

We still need to provide a birth plans to the midwifes (one for home and one for the transfer, but I would also like to have an extra one in case of induction) and install the car seat. We have almost all the supplies (minus ammonia for cleaning purpose).

We didn't make any more progress on the nursery as I felt too tired last night and tonight. I hope we will get some stuff done on Friday (I am working from home so will save time on commuting; DH is off and I will try to convince him to install the new fan in P's room). We have a birthday party for our friends' one year old to attend on Sat afternoon, and then DH's brother's birthday lunch or dinner on Sunday. It may not be possible to do much on the weekend.

I am working on my parents invitations to come here to US. We finished and submitted their visa applications today and they will have their interviews on Friday. I am praying they will get the visas! I really would like them to come see P before we can travel with him.

36w1d: More shopping. Online.

I have been spending a lot of time (and money) on the internet lately. Honestly, I am bit scared to check my credit card balance, although I know I am not buying junk, only the items that we need for the baby. We actually kind of gave up on getting a new TV for a while and resigned to watch Netflix shows on the computer (we did get a new computer; the old one wasn't going to last much longer). But I digress. I wanted to say that I much prefer online shopping than regular stores, especially for baby items. The reason behind it?

1. Variety. There are usually many more choices online.

2. Reviews. Things may be pretty but are they really well made, useful, appropriate?

3. Price. Pretty much everything is less expensive online, and you can get free shipping on most items.

4. Time. I shop during lunch break at work or late at night. Neither one I could spend shopping in in a brick and mortar store. Plus I save time on driving to and from the store.

With baby items, additional plus is that if I have to, I can return the generic items to a regular baby store most of the time. We spent over 3 hours in one of the big baby stores a week ago, looking at things and not being able to make a decision. I was supposed to use my coupons and get all the remaining baby things at once. We both were simply exhausted (a trip to IKEA after didn't help) and I ended up with not even half of what I needed, of which three or four things I will be returning as I found exactly the same items for a less online afterwords. I absolutely love online shopping and I don't think I will be going back to this store to actually buy things other than diapers, only to spend the store credit $$ I have (returned a whole bunch of shower gifts).

I should go now but I want to give you a quick update on the nursery front. I'm starting to doubt that I will ever paint the stripes on the walls. :( There are so many other things to worry about! Even though we did quite a lot this past weekend: we put together the dresser and the bookshelf (minus shelves), and I put most of P's little clothes and other items in the dresser. I would like to finish the bookshelf and perhaps install the changing pad on the dresser today. Once we finish the bookshelf, I can finally put his many, many books away and free some room on the floor/stairs. And would also like to finish putting away the rest of P's clothes, etc. This way I may be able start painting tomorrow, one wall at the time. I already ordered the hook for the guitar, a secure one, that will hold the guitar in place even when knocked about accidentally. So I have a plan! This makes me feel so much better! Perhaps we can hang the new fan on Saturday. If P decided to come late, we will even have time to steam clean the living room rug and put it in his room! :)

I also spoke with my mom about her labor with all three of us (I have two sisters, one is three years older than me and the other is fourteen years younger). I found out two interesting things. My mom was induced with my older sister and me, as she was going over her due date (I was two weeks late, not sure how late was my big sister). We both were average weight babies (around 7 lbs each) and born healthy. She went into labor spontaneously with my little sister, although I believe it happened a few days after her due date as well. My little sister was on a heavier side (9 lbs). My mom also said that her labor was long, but once she got to the pushing stage, it was very quick. I hope this will be true for me too. Even though it's getting harder and harder to get around and do stuff, I think I would rather P to be late than early. This will give us (or DH, as I most likely will not be able to do much in a couple of weeks) the time to finish up everything we need to.

The other interesting fact that I learned from my mom was that she did not breastfeed me or my older sister. Her doctor said the she won't have milk because of the induction drugs and she, being in her early twenties, didn't even think to try after a few days. She also said that nobody was encouraging new moms to breastfeed and the fact that mom's milk is the best for the baby wasn't really a common knowledge.

I am glad I didn't have babies thirty something years ago with no internet and no access to the knowledge I have now. 36 weeks 1 day. A few more weeks.

35w4d: When is the baby really "full term"?

I read about a study yesterday that says that baby's brain almost doubles in size between 37 and 39 weeks. Also, statistically, babies have 6% probability of dying when born at 37 weeks as opposed to 3% at 39 weeks. Apparently there are talks about changing the 'full term' from 37 to 39 weeks. One state, I think it is Arizona, just passed a law about no scheduled c-sections until 39 weeks, for that reason. I know that sometimes the early studies are wrong and I probably should to do more research on the subject, but for now, I hope P stays in for at least another 4 weeks!

P's movement pattern has definitely changed over the last few weeks. He doesn't kick as much but he definitely moves around. It's like he rolls over and creates a big wave. The strange thing is that sometimes I don't feel his movement unless I place my hand on my belly or lean against something. Earlier, I used to feel his movements in my belly more then on the outside.

35w1d: Shopping

We finally have (almost) everything purchased. Went to Buy Buy Baby and IKEA yesterday (more about it later) and then I shopped online for another 2h or so. I also did about an hour of additional Amazon shopping today.

Went to IKEA yesterday to pick up a dresser a bookcase. It turned out that the one I originally selected felt too tall once we put the changing pad on it. I am so glad we brought it with us to test! The one we decided to get is a bit nicer, actually, more sophisticated (if there is anything sophisticated about IKEA furniture, lol). We also picked a really cool kids bookcase in the showroom and headed down to the furniture pick up section, and... They were all gone! All dressers we wanted and all bookcases we wanted! We were very disappointed as we got stuck in traffic on the way there and felt like all this wad for nothing. But at least we now know exactly what we want. And I checked the inventory online and they already restocked so I will be picking them up on Friday.

I also got to return a lot of unwanted/double shower items at Buy Buy Baby and, with the 20% off coupon, we got a crib mattress practically for free! As soon as we got home, I put the sheets on it and realized that I forgot the bed skirt (I am not much of a bed skirt person but the crib has drawers under it and without the bed skirt all the inside of drawers is visible). I went online and ordered one; it's coming tomorrow. :)

I also ordered pretty much everything else online and it's supposed to get delivered tomorrow and on Wed. I think we'll be all set with purchases after we get the dresser and the bookcase on Fri. Then we "only" have to put them together, hang the new ceiling fan (that has been sitting in a box for over a month now; hopefully it won't be broken as the return date has probably already passed). Then we need to steam-clean the living room rug before we put it in P's room. We are also still waiting for the glider, which should come sometimes in August. I haven't painted the stripes on the walls yet either, as I need all the furniture to be there first, so I can decide on exact placement. It seemed like we were almost done when I started this post and now I feel like we are still very far away!

31w2d: Mostly about window treatments. :)

Just wanted to write something as I haven't in a really long time. We started seeing midwifes, had a second visit last week. We got a "prescription" for an ultrasound on the first visit, as I asked for it. But now DH doesn't want to go. He says that since we can't change anything, why expose ourselves to the stress again. I see his point so we decided not to go.

Haven't gained too much, still, which is nice. Up to 173 lbs from 156 lbs pre-pregnancy, for a total of 17 lbs as of last week. I have another 10 weeks or so, and P still needs to gain >>at least<< 3 lbs. I am hoping I won't get over 25 lbs gain.

We got the nursery painted (the base beige) the weekend before this and the crib is scheduled to come tomorrow. I am pretty excited. The dresser is next, then cubical shelves, and the glider will be last, arriving probably just before the baby. I still want to paint the orange and green stripes, perhaps in a couple of weeks. We decided to go the the beach the weekend after next, to show my niece the ocean (she is here, btw, and we are having a lot of fun).

Also, we finally got our blinds installed yesterday (yes, on the 4th of July). Unfortunately they messed up our order and the ones in P's room are not room darkening. So they will have to resend the right ones and replace them. To anyone who wants to order Hun.er Doug.as cellular blinds, they are pretty awesome BUT if you can get the same ones online for cheaper and install yourselves - go for it. It took two screws per window to install them and no measuring. We had 6 windows and were charged something line $150 for the installation. I tell you, this was the quickest someone ever made $150 for manual labor. The easiest installation possible. I would have probably looked more into getting them online had I known that. The special thing about the HD is that they have a cell within the cell, which makes them very energy efficient. Apparently we can get some tax credit for that, but it probably will be like $120 or so. Anyway, our master bedroom looks awesome (except for the 4 big boxes with stuff that we need to go through tonight sitting on the floor). I love the privacy, the look (they are just a tad darker gray than the walls) and the fact that the room won't get so hot during the day. P's room was already so much cooler this morning than usually (we get sun in the afternoon). I also love that they blinds don't take up additional space from the room, the way the curtains did. I now feel like I want to move the bed closer to the wall, although we can't, as P's bassinet needs to fit there.

Baby Shower this Saturday, can't wait!

Oh, I almost forgot! I quit my other job! So now I have every other Friday off and can work on the nursery and other baby related stuff. Although DH is pushing me to study for my PMP, which I want to do but don't think I have time. I know it will be even harder once P is here, but my mind is just not there for the PMP now. All I can think of is pediatricians, bottles, birth assistants, etc. :)

27w2d: More research

I am torn. I think I made peace with the fact that Parker may be born with Down Syndrome (there is ALWAYS a chance), with or without the nasal bone. I read a lot about it today and having a baby with DS really isn't the end of the world. Boy, it sounds different when I put his name in the same sentence as Down Syndrome. Anyway, I have been reading about the nasal bones and all and have a few more links to share (all are posts at babycenter):

Post 1 - includes a great explanation of sequential screen tests
Post 2 - Absent Nasal Bone, 1:66 chance of DS, baby born with no DS
Post 3 - 1 in 23,000 DS risk adjusted to 1 in 750 due to absent nasal bone
Post 4 - Confused: Since 5% of children without chromosomal abnormalities don't have nasal bone, does the lack of the nasal bone mean 95% chance of the abnormalities happening?
Post 5 - African America, no nasal bone at 12 w, short nasal bone at 18 w, baby born without DS
Post 6 - Confused: Should, and if so by how much, (soft) markers increase your quantitative risk assessment?
Post 7 - Second comment from the top - this woman is amazing! I read her blog (here) and the many babycenter posts she wrote.

I also sent a personal messages to a couple of authors of the posts who had been told about absent nasal bone and had healthy babies at the end. I don't really expect answers any soon as their posts were from 2009 and 2010 but it's good to try. :)

I just realized that I didn't finish my thought started in the first paragraph. What I was trying to say was that I am ok with Parker having an extra chromosome, I just want to make sure that a home birth doesn't present an additional risk for him. As we discussed with DH on the phone yesterday, I would like to get another ultrasound and make sure his heart, lungs, and stomach are still ok. Sure I would like to check on the nasal bone too, but at this point I just need to know that he is ok otherwise.

On a lighter note, I got the Baby Shower invitation (to my own baby shower) last night! It looks very cute, I can't wait.

On another light note, we had a surprise baby shower down in Charlotte, NC when visiting with friends on Memorial Day. One of them got us... a stroller! The one we wanted, off the registry! It arrived last Saturday and I put it together and it is now in our kitchen. I keep imagining our sweet Parker in it! I tried to fold it and put it away for now but I simply can't! I love it so much, because it makes Parker's arrival so much more real! I'm sure DH will want to put it away when he comes back from his conference on Friday night so I may as well enjoy it now. :)

27w1d: The nasal bone issue is back :/

Haven't been here for a long time. A lot changed, i.e. we have decided to do a home birth and are transferring to a birth center to be cared by midwifes. I requested my medical records to be faxed to me and when I was casually looking over then, I noticed that the result from our anatomy scan at 18w5d says "NASAL BONE ABSENT"! I was furious because the doc never said it directly. All he said was that the baby "has a small nose". Is he a doctor or a beauty pageant judge? Google didn't help, again, and I had a big break down on Friday night (I guess the fact that DH was leaving for a 6 day conference didn't help).

I did more research today and here are my conclusions:

1. Lack of nasal bone in Caucasians occurs only in about 5% of healthy babies so it is starting to be considered a strong marker.

However:

2. Some nasal bones are not detected on u/s. I found a post from a woman who describes her case. They didn't see nasal bone on 7(!) ultrasounds and the baby was born with one (and no DS).

3. Some nasal bones are not detected on u/s, again. Another woman posted description of the same case as ours. First u/s showed nasal bone, on the next one the bone was absent. Her baby daughter was bone with 46 chromosomes (no DS). Not sure if she ended up having a nasal bone or not.

4. Some babies develop nasal bones later. Found a post (sorry, I can't find the link any more) from a woman whose baby was born with no chromosomal abnormalities but also no nasal bone. The bone just started to develop at about 4 months of age.

Here is a link to my post, maybe someone will answer it too.

My biggest worry is that (a) we will do a home birth and the baby will turn out to have DS with some other issues that require hospitalization and that he will get in trouble for not being in the hospital. Or (b) we won't be able to do a home birth when the midwife sees the u/s results note and we will have to go back to the same doctor.

I have GOT to stop now. It's already 5.40 pm, which means that I have only 50 min left and I have not finished what I needed to finish for work! UGH!!!

21w3d: Anatomy scan (recap from April 8)

This has happened three weeks ago and was followed by a lot of exciting things so I am not going to be very detail oriented here. Right at the start the very nice technician asked if we wanted to find out the gender (we did, very much so). Unfortunately the baby wasn't willing to expose this little secret to us just yet so she went on to measuring everything and looking at all the details. Heart, lungs, kidneys, bones, all looked good and we were all happy. The baby looked great and moved a lot. We saw him sucking his thumb and stretching his legs. It took a little while (20-30 min or so) and at the end she went one more time for a "bathroom shot". And there it was. My baby's little penis, floating freely in the water! LOL. "It's a boy!", she said and I almost screamed "YES!" :)

We got some pictures (again, they are not great, those u/s technicians are just not the best photographers), she left and the doctor came. He said something that did make me worry a little. He said the baby looks great and healthy, the heart, the lungs and everything. The only thing is that he has a really small nose. He said the bone was clearly visible on the NT scan AND all other measurements+blood test returned really good results (1:1500 and 1:some other large number) so he is going to assume that the baby just has a small nose. I asked again if he is not at all worried and he said he considers it more interesting than worrisome. So we let it go. Until next day, of course. Dr. Google wasn't too gentle with me, everywhere I went people said that without nasal bone between 15 and 20 weeks 9 of of 10 children are born with Down syndrome. I panicked, cried all night, and said I wanted another u/s to see if the nasal bone is there. Then DH found a ton of articles saying that the nasal bone is a "soft marker" for Down, which basically means that it matters only if in conjunction with otherwise risky pregnancy. I googled some more and slowly acquired the same point of view. I guess my freak-out was partially due to the normal pregnancy hormone issues. The thought still comes to mind sometimes (if it's not an issue, why would the doctor mention it at all?) but I am not freaking out any more.

So it's a boy! We are ecstatic and so are my parents. DH said he kept saying either one would be great but then once we found out, he said he secretly wanted a boy all along. :) My parents have three daughters and two granddaughters, no boys on my side of the family so far. They asked me five times if we were sure it was actually a boy. :) DH has one brother and no sisters, but it will be the first grand baby on that side of the family so it's all good there too. :)

We also have been thinking about the name. After going through long lists we narrowed it down to about 10 (Alec, Anders/Anderson, Clayton, Desmond, Eliot, Liam, Milo, Nathan/Nathaniel, Parker) and then decided on The One: Parker. But don't tell anyone because we are not telling anyone besides the closest family. :)

We are still searching for a middle name. I really want a Polish one, to show that he is half Polish. But everything I pick turns out to be wrong for some reason. I like Antoni (a Polish version of Anthony) but DH says is too Italian. I like Kajtek (pron. kahy-tech) which is short from Kajetan, but my mom says it's a cat or dog's name. I downloaded and printed about 200 names off of a Polish name website and plan on having one picked up by the end of the week. :)

21w2d: Happy but a little overwhelmed

I have been pretty busy with all kinds of stuff and didn't get a chance to post for a while. I still owe you a post from the anatomy scan and the trip to Dominican Republic. But today is all about:

1. Changing jobs
2. Nanny/Au-pair/Day cares
3. Where and how to deliver
4. Maternity/paternity leave
5. Nursery decor
6. Registry
7. Home projects (deck/storage/blinds)
8. PMP

I warn you, this is going to be a long post.

1. I got an offer! Yay! They emailed me an official offer while we were in DR. A good (max) raise of 12%, training possibilities, and a fairly clear career path for the next several years made the decision a nobrainer. I am starting on May 9.

2. We are still planning on getting a Polish speaking nanny from Poland but are not sure if she will decide to come and how all the visa stuff will work out, so we are looking for option B. We went to visit a day care today. And here is how it went:

The place had good reviews on various message boards and the tuition is high, so our expectations were high as well. Unfortunately, we were absolutely not impressed. First of all, we waited 15 minutes at the door to get in. The lady on the phone mentioned that they have a staff meeting during that time so she will have to send someone to open the door for us. I offered to reschedule but she said it will be fine. When we came, another person was already waiting. He said he rang the bell and called for 15 min but nobody came. The guy left and we stayed. The lady came about 10 min later.

Second, all reviews said that the place is a bit corporate and sterile, so we expected super clean place. Maybe I am a clean freak but this place was far from feeling sterile. Not necessary dirty, but I would not call it very clean either.

On the positive side, the babies all sleep in their own cribs and all their food and other items are color labeled, so it looks like there would be no confusion. They also work with cloth diapers, which is another plus. They are also very flexible about schedule (each baby has their own schedule), and they take the kids out for walks/playground time twice a day. They showed us one of three infant rooms.

Back to the negatives though. Each room has 9 babies and 3 teachers. There was an adjacent room (the were divided by a half wall with sinks) with infants as well. During our 15 min visit, there was at least one baby at the time (two most of the time) constantly crying in the other room. I kept looking at one little boy who was sitting on the floor crying and he was never picked up! The ladies were busy with other children and never attended to the boy. I was shocked, as the teachers knew we were there and didn't even pretend to care. I think the boy finally stopped crying on his own. In the room we were in 5 out of 9 babies were asleep, two were held by two different teachers and given bottles, one was on the floor in a boppy, holding his own bottle, and one was sitting and playing on her own. Far from perfect but not too bad. The lady who answered our questions mentioned that this room has older children (although still infants) who are more independent. All in all, after looking at the price sheet ($1940/month), I think we won't even put our name on the waiting list.

We are going to visit another day care on Friday. This one is a little less expensive, the teacher-child ratio is 3:8 (as opposed to 3:9 or 1:3 at the first place), and have cameras connected to the internet so that the parents can see their children during the day. I hope this will be a better experience.

I also did some research on craigslist. It seems like there are some in-home day cares available. I need to make a list and call/visit those places to see if there is anything that we like, that would be able to accommodate us in case the au-pair doesn't work out and we are still waiting for a spot in a bigger day care.

3. Delivery. When in Dominican Republic I read Ina May Gaskin's Birth Matters and found out about some scary C-section and induction statistics. Before I got pregnant I never thought I would want to deliver naturally (just like I ask for Novocaine at the dentist office). But after reading Ina's book I changed my mind. I guess my body has failed me twice (when I miscarried) and now is the time to change that. I want to give my body another try to be natural and handle birth of our baby on it's own.

I am going to a information session at the birth center near us, which has great reviews. They have a birth home where you can deliver or they can assist you at your own home. I think we would choose the second option. I will know more after the tour tonight. I am still a bit weary of giving birth at home, in case something bad happens. But I am even more scared that at the hospital I will end up with Pitocin or forceps or C-section for no reason. I also want a midwife who is experienced and who can help me have a great experience giving birth. I want it to be beautiful and private, not like a medical surgery. My two previous babies were taken away from me in a sterile environment and I just don't want to go back there with this little one.

Unfortunately DH has a final today so he won't be joining me. But I am sure he can attend another information session in two weeks. I am doing it now because if we wait, we may have to get on a waiting list.

4. DH and I met with a maternity/paternity specialist here at the Board yesterday. The guy was very knowledgeable and well prepared. He confirmed what we already knew and we also learned a few new things. It looks like I won't be able to take more than 6 weeks off following the birth unless I want to draw from the annual leave. I have three weeks left and could use it if necessary in addition tot he 6 weeks. DH though can use 8 weeks of sick leave immediately after the baby is born, which he probably will. This would take us till about the end of October (depending when the baby decides to come out). Hopefully by this time my parents can be here already and stay till until the au-pair comes. Otherwise we will have to put our 3 month old in a day care, which I would like to avoid.

However, in that case, we would probably try to stay home an extra day a week using our annual leave. This combined with the flexible schedule (and every other Friday off) would allow us to be with the baby three out of five days a week. We would probably look for a part time nanny for the other two days.

5. I am making some progress on the nursery plan. We have a crib picked up and a couple of dressers to chose from (all white). (From now on I am going to say "I" instead of "we" because it seems fake as DH doesn't really give me much input at this point, due to his final. So it may all change once he finds out). I think we will go with beige/brown, orange/red, and green. We (actually we is used on purpose here) have decided that we will use the orange rug that is currently in the living room. We have wanted to replace this rug for a long time and it would fit perfectly. I am thinking light green walls and one wide orange/red stripe on each wall, centered behind each piece of furniture. I would like to hang DH's electric guitar on one of the walls. The guitar is black and white and would look great on the red stripe (the guitar is broken but he wants to keep it as it has sentimental value). The other stripes will get pictures b/w of us and perhaps some white shelves. Orange rug on dark brown floor should look simply gorgeous. I am super excited! All I need to do now is measure the room and figure out what piece of furniture will go on what wall.

6. I have started the registry a while ago and placed several small items on it. Recently I started doing research about big ticket items and have already selected:
- high chair: Boon Flair - Pedestal High Chair
- car seat: Chicco KeyFit 30 Infant Car Seat - Miro
- crib: Spot On Square Eicho Eco-friendly Crib, White
- portable crib w/changing station for the living room: Chicco 4 in 1 Lullaby LX Playard - Vega or Romantic

I also already have a whole bunch of small things that I am not going to list here.

7. Unfortunately I can't write about the rest of the items on my list as I need to leave in 5 minutes. But I already feel better that I am back in the blogging business. :)

Coming tomorrow: anatomy scan, gender, and name choices! :)

18w1d: It's always sad to hear...

... about others loosing their babies. Every time there is a new BFP on our MP board, anxiety crawls into my mind. Today was one of the dreaded days for a fellow board member. She was about 10-11 weeks along (exactly the same as I was when we lost our first), and very nervous about her first OB appointment, as they lost their PMP baby around the same time.

Every time I hear the horrible news like that, I can feel the same pain I did twice in my life. It's not my pain now, but I can feel it, for them. The crushed hopes that maybe this time it will work out. The disappointment of my own body failing me, yet again. And the fear, that maybe I will never...

And I still can't understand the purpose. It's just not fair. The women on the board already went through so much with their MP, and sometimes other miscarriages. Why does it happen again and again?

Amy, may you find the sense in it. And may you find peace.

17w2d: Pregnant together

I am so super happy, I can't even believe it! One of my best friends, K., is pregnant! She told me just yesterday, a few hours after she POAS. She is due in early December, exactly three months after me. Our husbands are really good friends (that's how me have met) and we go on vacations together etc. And now we are going to be buying baby items together and pushing strollers together! I am so excited!

Now, a bit sadder news. My sis and her boyfriend decided not to come. She has a new job and it will be hard for her to get time off so soon after she started. Plus they don't have much money. This leaves my 17-years old niece to come by herself. I am sure she will be fine but she has never flown and never even been outside the country at all. However, we are pretty lucky, because my friend's mom and niece are flying from Poland around the same time and agreed for my niece to tag along. I am getting her visa docs and invitation ready now and will be buying tickets shortly. I really hope she gets the visa or we will be out of $800.

On the work front. I am not sure if I mentioned before but I have applied for another position (same company, different division) about a month and a half ago. Had a pretty good interview and was very hopeful. I haven't heard any news yet so I called the recruiter about this time last week. She said that I should hear from the hiring manager very soon and that it will be happy news. I assumed that I got the job. Unfortunately no call from the manager came so far. And today I found out that she is out of town on a conference and won't be back until Monday. Ugh. But actually, it's not bad. The later they tell me the longer I have to finish up my projects. I really want at least two weeks at my current position before I leave, and with the vacation plans it may not be easy to accomplish that if we started talking now. So as long as I get the offer, I am not super worried about the delay.

We have also decided to build a new deck (actually, have a new deck built for us, lol). The old one is literally falling apart and will need to be replaced sooner or later. It's never been good, the steps are different height and by now the railing is wiggly. We have such a big and beautiful yard, if we don't do anything with the deck, I will not be able to go there at all in the summer!

We were also thinking more about the smaller adjustments to the house that need to be made before the baby comes. For example, if my parents stay with us for a longer period of time (which is the plan) they will stay in the basement, where our only TV is now. So we would like to instal a TV in our bedroom. We are not getting any cable though and will just watch movies. We also will need to move all the junk from the closet downstairs so that my parents have a place to put their clothes there. Our house is really small and has very limited storage space, so we need to CREATE more storage space. :) We measured the dining room/addition and decided that we will spare two feet by the wall for a large closet. However, this will require removing one of the windows and moving the door, so it is definitely not an easy job. I will be calling a carpenter as soon as I get an official offer for the new job.

I am feeling great these days, can stay up past midnight and eat pretty much anything. I still have the darn RLS but have noticed that rubbing some Vick's on my legs helps in 90% of the cases. I still don't eat any sweets and don't drink any fruit juices except a glass of OJ in the morning. This minimizes it too.

Haven't felt the baby move yet which is making me impatient and sometimes worried. We hear a strong HB every day though, so I am not too freaked. But I can't wait to be able to feel it!

16w2d: It has officially began!

Today was the first time someone who had no clue actually asked me if I was pregnant. A coworker looked at me and asked straight away: "Are you expecting?" And then asked if she could touch my belly!! :) This was so funny, because the baby is still pretty low, and the rest of my insides migrated up. And that's where she was touching my belly. Lol.

I also finally posted on FB. Last night. Here is how it went:

15w3d: Baby bump?

I think I popped. I know it's still early, but I think I did. I went to the bathroom at work this morning and when I was pulling up my pregoo non-stretchy pants that used to just hang off of my belly, it felt almost right! There is still some room, don't get me wrong. But my belly seems significantly rounder than usually. Also, my wide tunic that used to conceal the pregnancy pretty well is now a bit stretched over the bump. I have to send my "project" email tomorrow before I leave work for the weekend. I am petty sure it will be almost obvious when I come back next week.

Our doctor's appointment is on Friday morning. I don't think there is an u/s scheduled but I still think I will ask for it. We are seeing the nice doctor. He is very compassionate and I am sure he will be fine. I also hope to find out the sex! I have kind of gotten used to the thought that it's a boy and it will be weird to find out that it's a girl. But I don't really care. Besides, girls clothes are much cuter! ;)

We booked our baby moon! We are going to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic (it doesn't get more touristy than that! Lol). We are going for 6 nights and 7 days! Yay! It's good because the travel takes about 9h each way, which will eat up two whole days. I am very excited. It's a small resort (in a larger resort), adult only, and has private beach, which is very important as it apparently gets super crowded there.

RLS update:
I think I got it under control. And you know how? I stopped sweets. Gave up chocolate, candy, and ice cream. I still wake up at night at least once, and feel it. But light stretching seems to do the trick. It does help that (due to the time change) we go to sleep after midnight, so I am pretty wiped out when I finally get to bed. I still take iron, just in case, but put away Benadryl for good. It wasn't helping and I really hater drugs. I miss ice cream though. And there is an almost-full tub of Chubby Hubby in the fridge, my all times favorites! It's testing my will power. :)

14w5d: RLS update (and other stuf)

Today is Friday. I got the iron on Wednesday night and took it before bed time. I also took a long bath, put a folded blanket to elevate my feet in bed and soap under the sheets. All this to make sure the RLS will not bother me. And it didn't. I was so very happy! Fell asleep at 11.30 and didn't wake up till 5.30 am, just to pee, have a glass of OJ , a half of banana, and fall right back to sleep. It felt good and I was so rested. So on Thursday night I figured I would follow the same steps and get a great night sleep again. Unfortunately, it didn't work this time. I turned and tossed till 1 am and finally gave up. Got up and went downstairs to play some stupid game on my phone hoping I'd get so tired I'll fall asleep. After 30 min and 4 rounds of the game I was exhausted but still awake. So I decided to take the Benadryl, like the doctor said. I don't know if it was the pill or my body finally giving up but I slept for the rest of the night. I don't know how tonight is going to go and I am a little scared. I have a class till 9 pm tonight so I don't think I'll be doing any yoga. My class starts at 8 am tomorrow and I really wish I am rested for that. Otherwise it's going to be a really long day.

My next doctor's appointment is exactly one week from now. I would love to see the baby and get another pic for my parents but I don't think I'm going to push for another u/s. I just feel so guilty for bothering the baby every night with the Doppler! So I think we will have to wait til the anatomy scan sometimes in April. I though it would be early April but we are planing a "baby moon" in Jamaica for the first week of the month. And then I really need to start studying for my PMP.

I am also glad we are finally changing the clocks this weekend! I can't wait till spring and this is the first sign of it coming! I look forward to coming home from work when it's not dark outside.

We are meeting all our ski trip crew (minus the baby) for brunch on Sunday and I am so looking forward to that. We are doing dim sum and I can't wait. Both DH and I are big lovers of oriental food.

I have been looking at some baby related purchases lately, especially big items, to figure out how much we should put aside. This financial stuff is starting to worry me a bit. We are able to save a bit less than $2000 a month now but I will get only 60% of my paycheck in September (that's maternity leave policy) and our expenses will grow! I need to sit down and make a plan, otherwise I will o bananas.

I guess I should go back to work now. Only 1.5h and then the class. Ugh, I really don't feel like sitting in a classroom till 9 pm tonight!

14w3d: Sleepy...

I can't sleep at night due to the Restless Leg Syndrome. I tried all home remedies, taking baths (sometimes helps), stretching or Yoga (helps for about 15 min), elevating legs, etc. Nothing seems to work over night. I still wake up at least 2 times a night and sometimes stay up for 2-3 hours at the time. I try to stay up until I am so tired, I know I'll fall asleep no matter what Usually it correlates feeling like you are going to throw up from tiredness and it takes about 2 hours. Last night, for example, I went to sleep at 11.15 and woke up about 12.30. DH wasn't really asleep yet so he massaged my legs. It helped for a bit but for some reason I didn't fall asleep during the "window" and had to finally get up after tossing and turning for an hour. I went to the bathroom, sat on the floor, and played games on my iPhone until 3.30. Needless to say, I am a zombie today.

I am planning on getting iron supplement today. I had my acupuncture treatment yesterday and did an hour of Yoga last night, so I thought I would have a peaceful night. Wishful thinking, as it turned out.

Other than that, I think I may have felt a flutter for the first time today. I read and email from a friend from MP board and she said she had been feeling them for a few day now. I concentrated and I swear I felt something! I know it would be a huge coincidence but who knows!

We have been using the Doppler every night. It just makes me so much calmer. It's funny, as sometimes it takes a bit to find the HB, and some other times, I just put the probe on, and there it is! :) I promised DH that I will limit it to once every two days as soon as I start to feel the baby move, as the movement would reassure me. Maybe it will be sooner than I thought!

On the non-baby front. DH didn't get the job. He was pretty down yesterday and felt really bad. I know he was more than qualified for the position, but I also keep in mind that it was his first try to move to management. When he applied, he said himself that he didn't expect to get it. But then somehow it came out that they had a lot of very unqualified candidates so he got his hopes up. And they were crashed yesterday, and in a pretty annoying way, too. He want to get an approval for PMP exam reimbursement from an officer in his division, and the officer said: "BTW, sorry the management position didn't work out for you this time!". DH was super shocked as he was told the day before that they haven't made a decision yet. Deep inside I still have a tiny little bit of hope that the guy didn't know what he was talking about and that DH will get the job after all. I know that there is only about 0.00000001% of chance of this happening, but the hope is still there.

I also had my interview yesterday and it went well. The hiring manager was very positive and said she was very flattered that I wanted to work for her. You don't hear that on every interview, that's for sure. Absolutely no guarantee that I will get the job but I feel positive. They said they should make the decision by the end of the month. I guess it's soon enough. It would be nice to get the extra $$ (should be another $200 or so a paycheck or $500 a month) especially with the baby coming. I checked out the day cares in the area and they range from $1300 (for a home based) to $1700 (for a center) a month! And that's not all, the wait lists are so long, my friend signed up last February and they just called her back that a spot opened up for April, that's 14 months later!! I also looked at nanny rates they are $15/h and up, which is even more. Ugh, all this financial stuff makes me scared sometimes.

We also told DH's parent's last Saturday. We had them over for lunch (grilled and ate outside - a gorgeous day!). We used the trick with ski trip pictures. Poor things, they have never seen an ultrasound photo and had no idea what they were looking at! We had to say that it was their grand-baby. MIL commented later that she thought it was a hand bag with a strange design on it! LOL! "Honey, when Grandma saw you first time, she thought you were a handbag!" LOL! The whole afternoon was very pleasant and they seemed much more excited about it this time around. My suspicion is that MIL had miscarried before, between having BIL and (5 years later) DH, and when we told them the first time around that we were about 6 weeks, they probably were scared that I was going to m/c too, and that's why they didn't show the excitement. Or perhaps they were more shocked last time. DH mentioned to me that sometimes MIL would tell him that we shouldn't wait with having children any longer. They probably thought we were waiting on purpose.

13w4d: Just a boring post

We are doing good, just super busy at work plus I was trying to figure out the vacations plans and convince my sis to come (she was afraid for the $$). And now we are thinking of buying a new(er) second car as the old one is super old and falling apart and we are about to pay another $150 registration on it. We know we will have to replace it before the baby comes (it's a 2-door and absolutely unreliable). The sooner the better so it doesn't suck out any more $$ out of us.

Pregnancy. I am definitely growing although so far it is visible only to me. :) Got some new cute pregnancy clothes finally delivered. They aren't as great as I expected but they are ok. The pants don't have the very stretchy top like the ones from Mother*hood Maternity, so they are still a little big. But they are very comfy. The pregnancy top is def too big and looks funny now; the non-pregnancy (which actually is pregnancy) is really nice, esp with jeans. The skirt/blazer set I haven't tried on yet.

We are trying to slow down with the Doppler and do it every other day (instead of every day). It's super hard though. Yesterday was the day off and I can't wait to get home tonight! And get much more scared this way. We will see how it goes, perhaps will keep the every day until I can feel the movements.

Also, we got our NT combined results. The called and left a message that everything looks good. We will find out the details on our next appointment on the 18th.

We decided not to go to the beach in the summer. It got really hard to coordinate, especially that the one couple who was FOR SURE going to go with us absolutely stopped responding to my emails/voicemail/texts etc. I am super pissed about it. She (I contact her, DH contacts him) was never good in responding but to absolutely ignore emails with "please let us know ASAP" is ridiculous. Plus, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to drive 7h to a remote area when 32 weeks pregnant. We have decided to change the timing on the original (and pretty darn awesome) house and take my parents there, after the baby is born.

I also figured out a quite clever way to minimize nanny expense for the first few months until the baby goes to daycare. DH and I have every other Friday off as we work the condensed week (9h days). This means one of us is home every Friday. My idea was to take our vacations days one day per week. I.e. I would take all Mondays and DH would take all Wednesdays. This way we would need a nanny only for Tuesdays and Thursdays! Since we have 20 days off per year, we could do it up to 20 weeks (if necessary. We would probably prefer to reserve a week for a real vacation)! DH likes the idea and I am super excited.

I also got an interview for the new job. It's on Tuesday next week. Not sure what to think. I know life would be much easier if I stayed. But on the other hand, we need the $$.

And the last but not least, DH just got certified as PMP (Project Management Professional)! He passed the test this afternoon, five out of six knowledge areas Proficient (the highest) and one knowledge area moderately proficient (middle). I am SUPER proud of him! He studied very hard but got his reward. Now it's my turn...

13w1d: Update from emergency U/S

Everything looks perfect! The baby is EVEN bigger (now measuring 14w1d instead of 13w1d per LMP). :) S/he was moving around and waving the little arms to us. No hiccups this time. The tech took a pick and we think it's... a boy! She said she was pretty confident (and I am too) but there is no guarantee until about 16 weeks. Our next appointment is on the 18th (closing on 16 weeks) but with a doctor, and they probably won't do u/s then. I will have an anatomy scan between 18 and 22 weeks and that's when we will find out for sure. But I am pretty darn sure it's a boy. :)

Oh, and we got another picture! :)

HELLO WORLD!

12w6d: Blood

Woke up at 4 AM to go to the bathroom and... I saw blood on my underwear. It wasn't much, perhaps an inch wide round spot, but it was bright red. You must be kidding me, I thought, as we waited for long 12 weeks and 5 days and a great NT scan to tell my parents. I called the doctor (answering service, actually) immediately, they said the doc will call me back ASAP. We checked the HB and it was as usual, which calmed me down. I tried to fall asleep but that wasn't really feasible in this situation, so we just kind of sat in bed and talked. We were fairly calm thanks to the Doppler and the fact that I wasn't really "bleeding" any more; it now was more like little pink when I wiped. We finally fell asleep around 8 or so. At 10 I woke up and decided to call again. This time the doc called back right away and said that if it's only a little then it's ok to wait till Monday for another U/S. We checked the HB again and it was still good. The spotting was less and less and is now more brown-ish, which indicates old blood. I have a good feeling but I am also looking forward to the U/S on Monday.

12w5d: NT Scan

The NT scan went very well! The baby measured 13w3d (yet another day farther than on the u/s three weeks ago), had a strong heart beat, and was very cute. The whole thing lasted about 20-30 minutes, which, with a full bladder being constantly pushed on, seemed like hours! The neck measured 1.8 mm, which is great (anything less than2.5 mm is considered normal), and the baby had a clearly visible nose bone. They also pricked my finger and squeezed blood onto four circles on a paper template. We will get combined results in about 10-14 days.

We also got a few pictures although both DH and I agree that this u/s tech is not a very good photographer. :) The baby waved his/her hand to us a couple of times but unfortunately she was unable to catch it. The baby also had a hiccup almost the whole time1 It was cute at first but then I felt very sorry seeing his/her tiny body being jerked like that! Supposedly it is good as that's how you know they are developing sucking and swallowing skills.

Here are the pics.



And our little alien:



We also told my parents. I implemented the photo plan; posted all the ski trip pics on Picasa and added the U/S pics as the last two. I sent them a link and was on the phone with them while they looked. They didn't notice the "all ten of us" comment under the first pic but I didn't want to draw attention to it. When they got to the last photos, my mom was all confused: "Ooo, baby?! Whose baby is this?" I knew she knew, she just couldn't believe it. :) I said, "Look, the name is on top of the pic!" And she read my name out loud (it sounds so cute how they pronounce my last name with the thick Polish accent!). :) They were so happy! She asked how far along I was. She said she suspected a couple of times when we were on the phone but didn't want to ask as she knew we wouldn't want to tell before the end of 1st trimester. She knows me so well. I love my parents!

I sent the same email to my little sister, as she was at the movies at the time and I couldn't talk to her. Then called my big sister and I got to implement my other plan, the one about not going to the beach! I mentioned to her a couple of weeks ago that we may have to move the beach trip as two of the families who usually go are not able to come in September. Today I said that one of the families is us. And I asked if she knows the reason. I am not sure if she suspected but just didn't want to say it in case it wasn't it, but she said no. I said "It's because in September there will be already three of us!" :) She was so happy! I love sharing good news!

12w2d: Back from the mountains

We had a great time at the mountains last weekend. Even though I didn't ski, I was exhausted just from walking around (went shopping on Sat and for a short hike on Sun). I officially can't fit in any of my pants and purchased a pair of work pants and a pair of jeans at Motherhood Maternity. I absolutely love them! It looks like I am showing less, actually, when I am wearing them, as they fit so nicely. It's good as I am not ready to tell at work just yet.

Decided to wait till Friday's NT scan before we tell our parents. Hopefully we will get some cute pictures and can use my plan of "telling" with the pictures. I am also thinking about posting the group pic from the trip of all of us tonight, with caption "All 10 of us" (while only 9 are "visible") and see who picks on it. :)

As for symptoms, it seems that I have developed a new one, and it's not fun. I started experiencing Restless Leg Syndrome the second night at the mountains. I woke up at night and couldn't go back to sleep, as my legs were tingling. I didn't make much of it until last night. I woke up and it was out of control! I had to get up, walk around, do squats, stretch etc., all while I am half asleep. Really not pleasant. I used to have it from time to time before I got pregnant but it went away on it's own.

11w6d: Ski trip

We are in the mountains and most of our group is on the slopes. My one friend and I stayed in the cabin with her 6 mns old. We are going downtown for lunch soon, and then I am going maternity clothes shopping and/or getting a pedicure while she visits with her local friend. Fun time!

Our Friday appointment went well. The new doc (who is just as nice as the other doc) just did a super fast u/s EXTERNALLY! I am so glad I've graduated from the dildo cam! The baby looked so much bigger! DH was so cute, he said on the last few u/s you had to look for the baby. Now, as soon as the camera is on, BUM, there it is! :) The doc didn't measure anything but said the baby looked very healthy and had a healthy HB (which we know thanks to the Doppler). She also said that by the bare eye the neck looks very good, no extra fluid. We have the NT scan next Friday (yay for seeing the baby again!) and will get the exact info then. Unfortunately we didn't get a picture so I can't post it with my ski trip pictures for my family to find out. We may just try to hold off with all the pics till Friday until we have pics from the NT scan. :)

11w4d: The doppler adventures - cont.

We listen to the baby ever night now. Right when I walk in the door, I run up the stairs and get the Doppler out. After doing it for a week, I tend to find the HB really quickly, as I know where the baby likes to hang out. :) The HB has been usually between 150 and 160 bpm. Most of the times it's hard to get a consistent reading and the number just goes up and down between those brackets.

Last night though, I found it almost immediately, but I kept loosing it. The HB was a bit higher than the last few days, about 160-165 bpm. I usually wait to hear it for 10-15 seconds constantly and then turn off the Doppler. But yesterday it felt like I heard it for 5 sec and it went away, and I had to move the wand a bit to get it again, and it would move away again. I think the baby was swimming around and having fun in there!

U/S tomorrow; I can't wait to see the baby! I really hope we won't get a bad surprise. When I am so happy, I start to feel that it's too good to be true, and that my happiness has to be crushed. I am always very anxious when I am walking up the stairs to do the Doppler. Tonight I will be super anxious. If we hear the baby tonight, I really think we will see a healthy LO swimming in there tomorrow morning. And I will finally be able to tell my parents and sisters! God, please let this happen!

Now, I also would like to make an update on my symptoms. First of all, it's all much better now.
- M/S doesn't really bother me almost at all, it may pop in here and there when I get hungry, but it is easily neutralized by a snack.
- I still have the "full" feeling in my thought in the evening, which makes me want to lay down on the sofa quietly and not move, as it feels that speaking or moving will cause returning my dinner.
- I am much more energetic during the day and even in the afternoons. I can do stuff like fold the laundry, clean up etc. after work. I can stay up till 11 or so on good days, although it wears out and I crush at 8 once every 2-3 days.
- My boobs are still a size up from where they were but they are not growing any more and they are definitely not as heavy and therefore painful. They still are sensitive to touch though.

Oh! I almost forgot. Yesterday I broke down and made my first maternity purchase. I went to one of those one-day deal websites and saw great looking maternity pants for... $12!! And beautiful tunics (I love tunics) for $14! How could I have passed on that??!! I also got a black skirt and a blazer set that I intend to wear for work with colorful t-shirts under. That was whooping $25. All in all I spent over $100 including one non-maternity shirt that I got "just in case" (ugh, the paranoia). The clothes will not get here for another two weeks though, I hope this will be just in time. :)

10w4d: The doppler adventures

We heard it, we heard it! 169-170! Strong little baby!

I was pretty scared so I told DH to stay downstairs and that I'd call him when I hear it. I tried and tried and couldn't pick it up. DH wanted to come up but I told him not yet. Finally I yelled that the baby is hiding. He said he is coming no matter what. I gave him the stuff I found on how to search for the HB and he was laying next to me reading and suddenly we heard it, really quietly. DH goes "What is it?" I turned the volume up and he said "That's it, that's the heart!" He was so excited! One of those precious moments in life when you see someone you love 100% happy!

He needed to leave as he was going to play guitar with his buddies and said "Now I don't want to go." :) He is a very private person and doesn't show his feelings much. He also wants to protect me, and not worry me, so he never shows how nervous he is. It's so great to see his happiness. I love him so much. And I love our baby. When he was leaving, I called him "Daddy". :)

10w4d: The doppler is here!

The Doppler has arrived! I ordered it it on Sunday night (I think) and waited impatiently ever since. Today the status on USPS site said "out for delivery" and DH just called from home that the Doppler is there!

Here is what I found out about trying to use Doppler at the beginnings:

1. Start low aiming downward behind the pubic bone and work your way up.

2. Push hard. Don't worry, you are not going to squish the baby.

3. Place the probe directly on top of the gel and turn the unit on. Make sure you put enough gel on. The wand is not supposed to touch your skin, only the gel. Add more if you need to. If you hear static, you probably need more gel.

4. Start with full bladder. If you can't find the baby's HB, try with empty bladder.

5. Move the probe in a VERY SLOW circular motion moving side to side across your abdomen. Use a slight rocking motion as you move the probe around.

6. If your fetal Doppler has an LCD heart-rate readout, do not try to read the display until you can hear your baby's heartbeat.

7. A fetal doppler should never be used longer than 10 minutes. If you don't find the heartbeat in this period of time, take a break.

8. DO NOT FREAK OUT IF YOU CAN'T HEAR IT! Remember, you have tilted uterus so it may not be possible to detect it until you are 12 weeks!

Ok, it's time to wrap up, DH is here to pick me up! I will keep you updated on the Doppler adventure.

9w5d - 10w1d

I am long due for update from our Friday u/s so let's get right to it.

Friday, Feb 4, 9w5d.
The u/s was AWESOME. I told the tech that this is our third pregnancy and we have no babies yet, and if she could tell us asap. So as soon as something appeared on the monitor, she turned it to us It was a good sign. There were some settings tables blocking the view for the first few seconds, but I already could see the head of your baby! And it was a big one! lol. The baby was so much bigger than last time (measured 10w2d) I couldn't believe it! S/he had two distinct arms and two distinct legs and looked like a real person! We didn't hear the heartbeat but we could clearly see it blinking on the monitor. She measured the HB and it was 169 bpm, perfect. The baby waved his/her hands to us and kicked a few times trying to turn around. It was simply unbelievable, and I was crying for happiness. Two more weeks, baby, just be strong for two more weeks, and we will be (almost) out of the woods! :)

Symptoms:
- My m/s faded out almost entirely, yesterday I didn't feel any even in the evening. It might have been because we were at a Superbowl party and I was preoccupied with other things and constantly chewing on something. It came back slightly today in the morning (before I got up) and than again around noon when I was starting to get hungry for lunch.
- I also survived till after 11 pm yesterday without napping, even after a 50 min walk! I am paying for it today, as I am really tired. I am thinking about snicking out to take a nap in the car.
- Boobs have been as sore as usually; that's the one symptom I can always count on. :)
- I have been having some cramps today and read somewhere that it may be a sign of dehydration. The girl who mentioned it said that she was suggested to drink as much water as possible ("until you feel like you are going to throw up" were her exact words) and then lay down. She said it helped. I know I have no place to lay down so I better not make myself throw up, as it will cause even more dehydration. So I opened my last dreaded bottle of water found in my goodies drawer and I am pushing myself to take a few sips from time to time. I am about half-way done. The good thing is I was able to take my prenatal vitamin with it.

And now, what everyone has been waiting for: Our brand new 10-weeker! :)



I am in love!

9w4d

This entry will not be about pregnancy, although I am happy to report that today I started feeling nauseous in the morning and through early afternoon (it just went away a bit now). This entry will be about my husband.

We have been married for almost 6 years and he still amazes me once in a while. Like now, when he balances trying to get his PMP, training for Cherry Blossom 10 miler, going to music classes, and preparing for a job interview! And in addition to all this, he took over most of the household chores as I am useless those days (see my yesterday's post). He is so diligent in studying for his PMP and doing research about the new job, it simply amazes me. I am extremely proud of being his wife and I love him more and more every day.

It's 1.22 pm, he should be almost done with his interview. I am waiting impatiently for his call.

9w3d

I had this idea about documenting how my day looks like in the first trimester. My symptoms seem to be very different throughout a day and I want to write it down, to see if they really are or is it only an illusion. So here we go.

I wake up at 7.05 and hit snooze. At this point I am usually too sleepy to feel anything. I wake up a bit more 10 min later on a second alarm ring. I check the weather and my email on my iPhone, and check my boobs. They usually don't hurt much in the morning but are getting there. At this point I usually feel hungry, and sometimes a little bit nauseous. I get up on the third ring (7.25), brush my teeth, shower, and get dressed. By that time I already feel very tired and am ready to go back to bed. I lay down while I wait for my husband to come out of the shower. Then I go downstairs and get the kitchen straighten up a little before we leave. I have a banana or a bunch of grapes as I am really hungry. This kills the nausea if any. I also have a glass of orange juice and my pro-biotic pill. We leave the house about 8.15. On the way to work I have another banana and a mandarin orange. I have checked my boobs about 17 times by now, they are ok, i.e. nice and sore.

We get to work a bit before 9. I usually get a danish pastry, a croissant, or some yogurt with berries and granola for my second (third?) breakfast. I check my boobs. In the mornings I usually feel ok, not too nauseous, and in good mood (as long as the boobs are sore). I may have another mandarin orange around 11. I get hungry for lunch around noon. I check my boobs and head to Cosi for sandwich or soup/sandwich combination, or something similar. When I am back at work, I check my boobs again, even though I checked them again on the way to Cosi, in Cosi three times, and twice on the way back. I can't concentrate much (I have always been like this right after lunch so it's not pregnancy related) so I browse the web, read the news or my news groups, and keep checking my boobs every 10-15 min. At this point I have to unbutton my pants when I sit as they are very tight (partially from bloating, partially from baby, but mostly from all the food I consumed so far). I feel happy and pregnant.

The tiredness usually starts to hit me about 3-4. I yawn like crazy, even while checking boobs, and now can't concentrate even on the fun stuff any more. Sometimes I will close the door and catch a little cat nap. Sometimes I survive like this till 4, when I get hungry for a snack. After checking my boobs a few more times I have a fruit or two or three. :) Today, for example, I had another mandarin orange, then checked my boobs, and then had a large pear. After I eat, my belly gets super big like I was at least 7 months already, so I have to suck it in when I walk around simultaneously trying to pretend I squeezed my boobs only accidentally while straightening out my shirt. Sometimes I don't have to because my boobs are so sore they hurt while they bounce as I walk. I also start having that nasty feeling that the last piece of food is stuck in my throat. It's not heartburn (at least not at this time of a day); it's feels like I ate too much (duh!). This is accompanied by the second wave of exhaustion, especially if I didn't nap that day. I check my boobs few more times again. It's 5 pm now and they are nice and very sore.

Around 6.15 I am ready to leave. I am so sleepy and can't stop yawning. The only thing I am capable of doing now is checking the darn boobs. I am hungry but with this 'food stuck in my throat' feeling I can't even think of putting anything in my mouth. We leave around 6.30 and I start feeling even yuckier in the car (we drive 3-4 times a week those days). I don't have to check my boobs any more because they hurt when we go over the road imperfections. When we get home, I can barely make it upstairs to change. I am happy taking of my bra as my boobs are VERY sore then. I feel crappy, tired, nauseous, and all I can do is lay down on a couch. I watch DH cook; I don't even talk for the most part. Sometimes I will get a crying spell, just out of a blue, but, thank goodness, they don't last long. I check my boobs just to be sure.

When dinner is ready we usually go downstairs to the basement. Since I don't talk, DH puts on SVU or Lost. It's around 8 pm. I am hungry so I force myself to eat. After I eat, I feel even worse. From time to time I get heartburn in addition to everything else at this time. I usually snooze on the couch for 30 min to an hour before I actually fall asleep. DH wakes me up when he is ready to go to bed, that is around midnight. Half asleep I drag myself upstairs. On better days I make it to the bathroom to brush my teeth and put my retainer on, but sometimes I just crash on the bed and go back to sleep. I didn't mention checking my boobs in this paragraph as I do it in my sleep, so I am not able to assign a time stamp to it.

So there it, a day of a pregnant woman in her first trimester. :)

9w2d

I am nervous. It's only Tuesday and I am already nervous. I am really scared what's going to happen on Friday; the u/s isn't until 4.45! I feel positive in general. My clothes are getting tighter and tighter and apparently my uterus is supposed to be the size of a small cantaloupe. DH and I joke that our baby lives in a cantaloupe home. :) I also still have nausea, my boobs are hurting, especially in the evenings, I would sleep 14h/day if I could, and I do have food cravings. I went back to my old blog entries to see how I felt last two times around 9/10 weeks but I never was a very good blogger and there are no entries from around that time in the first pregnancy and not much about the symptoms from the second. That's why I've decided to write this one. Not that I have much to talk about but I want to document how I feel, in case I will have to be comparing this yet again in the future. Or maybe it will be with a second baby! That would be awesome! :)

I also decided to add how far along I am to the title of each post, like last two times. Looking back is the main reason I created this blog so I am not going to care that the readers (what readers??) may not like this. So I am going to modify all the titles of my other entries now. I may come back and write some more later.

7w5d: Happy again!

The ultrasound went excellent! Baby measured 8w1d (I am 7w5d according to LMP) and had a strong heart beat of 185 bpm. I am starting to believe this little bean actually has a chance!

I have to admit I was a total basket case on the way to the doctor. I couldn't help it and cried all the way there, until we got in the elevator. I didn't sleep well last night either, and now I am exhausted. Exhausted but happy, very happy. :)

We also got a pic of our cutie:



It feels so weird when I realize that the baby is a totally separate human being. A start of its own person with own feelings and opinions. Even though s/he lives inside me, s/he is not, really, a part of me! Just incredible!

7w2d: Back to normal (and acu story)

I am out of it. The girls on the board sometimes call it "pregnancy brain". How could I even make this mistake (I am talking about my last post)? Last time at 7w1d we heard a heart beat of 111bpm and saw a baby measuring 6w3d! We were very happy (for a few days, at least)! It's two weeks later that we found out the baby didn't grow past 6w5d.

Yesterday I was worried because my tiredness went away and I wasn't sleepy. I stayed up till 2 am on Sunday night (well, I did lay down for about an hour and a half that afternoon) and wasn't tired at my "other work" during the day yesterday. But today, let me tell you. I already snoozed for 20 minutes and I am yawning like there is no tomorrow. I really wish I could lay down and fall asleep!

Ups! My boss just came in and gave me a small task to do; this woke me up. :)

Also happy to announce that my boobs are still hurting and the fact that they are SUPER sensitive is probably an accomplishment of a new, more comfortable bra purchased on Sunday. Also, I am feeling pretty sick now even though I am not hungry. It used to be that I had a heartburn when not hungry, now it is nausea all the time. And as far as the sudden release of constipation (which happened last night and totally convinced me that my baby didn't survive), I was off my regular herbal supplement from my acu doctor (I ran out of them on Saturday morning). I bet my digestive system was affected by it at least a little bit.

One more thing. I always forget to write about my acupuncture, I don't think I ever did, actually. So here is the story.

I decided to try acupuncture after reading so much about it on the board and in fertility related books. I have never liked regular doctors, because they always tried to give me things to remove the effects of whatever was wrong with my body. Oh, you have a headache? Why don't you take a painkiller! Oh, your foot hurts? It's inflamed, stay off it for a while and if it doesn't help, you can get a cortisone shot which will take care of the inflammation. But there has never been a question WHY there is headache or WHY there is inflammation. I always knew that pain was my body's way of telling me that something is wrong and that my body needs me to do something or it needs me to stop doing something. I wanted my doctor to have the same approach. Wanted him/her to help me figure out what may be the problem, instead of trying to quiet down my body when it's asking for help. Same applied to fertility. I don't want to do IVF. I want to change whatever needs to be changed so that my body can produce good and healthy eggs and sustain good and healthy environment for a growing baby. I really hope I can succeed.

I did my research and found several acupuncture places nearby that either specialized in or at least treated infertility. There were also a few that helped with fertility. Those are the ones I decided to call. Again, I didn't need another person to tell me that I am infertile because my eggs are old and it's only a slim chance that I may have a baby in the future. I needed positive thinking.

I called three places. The first lady was a one-person practice a few blocks from where we live. However, even though it would be very convenient, when I spoke with her on the phone, we didn't really "clicked". Called another lady. We "clicked" a bit better and I actually made an appointment. We spoke on the phone for good 20 minutes; I told her briefly my history, and she told me what her approach was. She suggested (as she suggests all women she treats for fertility issues) to stop TTC during the first three months of the treatment. Her explanation was that it takes about 100 days for an egg to mature, which is the time she needs to help it mature properly. So why conceive with bad eggs before! And here I got her, again, negative energy, assumption that my eggs are no good. I was fighting with my thoughts for a few days and finally decided to find another person. I guess it didn't help that this woman was taking her patients in a massage salon.

My next call was to a clinic that specializes in acupuncture, chiropractic, and physical therapy. I read the bio of the doctors who specialize on fertility and made a call. That was Friday. I had my first treatment on Monday.

The main difference between my Acu doctor and the western medicine doctors I've meet before (I went through six only since we started TTC) that a good chunk of the visit is spent on talking to the patient. He writes down pretty much everything I tell him and next time I am there, he asks follow up questions about those things. Did it change? If so, for better or for worse? When and on what occasion did I notice the change? Can this change be related to anything else? Etc. He also tells me what he things is in issue and actually asks if I think he is right! He said to me once that he can only read my pulse and my tong (that's what they observe every visit) but majority of information he expects to get from me, simply telling him how and what I feel. I love it that he actually encourages me to listen to my body!

I should probably finish for today. I will write about what happens every visit some other time. For now, my boobs are sore like crazy, even the new bra isn't helping any more. I am so happy! :)